This week I’ve wondered if we have a harder time being respectful than we think we do. It seems if just the right issue or experience arises, we are far too willing to sacrifice respect in the name of passion, emotion, or justice… far too willing. In fact, my growing sense is that even in more emotionally-grounded moments, we may actually conclude that on given occasions, throwing respect right out the nearest window might be the absolute right thing to do.
From our leaders who rhetorically fail us in their own examples…
From our own cyberspace moments when rants become our routine…
People are not sincerely respected.
The most poignant example came for me yesterday at the polls.
I decided some months ago to throw my political hat into the primary ring. For me it wasn’t about politics or any perceived unworthiness in my opponent; it was more about being an ordinary person involved in local government. How often, I ask, do we sit back, take note — frustrated with municipal ongoings, but refuse to get involved, still firmly maintaining the right to complain? Feel great grace, friends… I have often done the same.
And so I decided to get involved. Let me share with you from the onset that I did not win. While a novice, I ran against an older gentleman who has served for decades, belongs to a family of career politicians, and has significant name recognition. Let me also share that even as an enthusiastic newbie, I received an encouraging, far-more-than-forecasted number of votes. It was a great, competitive race.
When I arrived in those early hours to greet people at the polls (also known in some circles as bombarding voters with more information than they really want), one of the first persons I met was my opponent. I had not met him previously. I didn’t know much about him, save what I knew publicly about his family.
When he shared his name, I was so excited… “Richard, I’m so thankful to meet you! I’m eager to get to know you today — and know how you think and what you truly believe.”
You know, I wonder now what his initial thoughts of me were; he seemed a little guarded, surprised, and no doubt pondering the sincerity of my words. I really respected him, but then again, he had no way of knowing that. Most likely to him, I was merely the opponent. In some cases (as evidenced especially at national levels), that equates immediately to “enemy” or “adversary” or “person we must always disagree with.” Hence, such also oft equates to that justification for throwing out respect.
Over the course of the day, Richard and I shared our similar values… our commitment to integrity… our appreciation for family, faith, and our mutual love of the Indy 500. We spent hours getting to know one another, interrupted only by asking for the votes of those we semi-subtly bombarded with information. Throughout the day, I learned to appreciate Richard. And hence, allow me to say more as an observation than a boast, it was obvious that not all candidates nor supportive citizens shared that respect. Perceived adversary status seemed more prevalent.
At the end of the day, as the results were unknown but both Richard and I knew it was a competitive race, I shook his hand, wished him well, and sincerely shared, “Please know I say what I mean and mean what I say.”
He knew I meant it. He also knew he was respected.
Respectfully… always…
AR