I learned something the other day. Follow me here. My 17 year old is witty and bright and solid and beautiful… oh, the places he’ll go! I’m so hopeful for him… so proud. I’ve also learned so much. As a wise friend shared years ago, it isn’t only about what we will teach the younger generation; it’s also about what they will teach us.
One of the things I’ve learned — and truthfully, not always easily or anywhere near gracefully — is that I don’t have to dictate the conversation. Even though I’m older, wiser, and more experienced in most academic areas, I don’t have to dictate the when, where, and what of our conversation. The timing and content isn’t always up to me; it doesn’t have to be. In fact, often the message is most effective when I cede any thought of having to dictate, dominate, or control.
As my son entered his junior year of high school, for example, I was consistently adamant that he begin narrowing his future college major. It was not that he needed to specifically figure all of life out, but I was uncomfortable that baseball was his primary focus and passion. I did not want to permit such abundant articulation of that passion.
I’m thinking society is also uncomfortable with certain articulated passions.
The increasingly accepted societal approach, if someone isn’t where we think they need to be, is sadly to shame, silence, and attempt to shut down. Pick your topic; pick your passion; political correctness is too easily embraced and accepted. Instead of allowing someone to possess an opinion at a given point in time, in the name of political correctness, society is dictating both timing and content; it’s as if we are not allowed to even feel differently — much less express varied opinion.
From Pres. Obama’s oft repeated words — on global warming, nationalized health care, and early childhood education: “The debate is over.”
Or ironically last week, from liberal talk show host, Bill Maher, a man the Intramuralist rarely mentions because of his consistent disrespect…
“Now I bring all this up in 2014 because unfortunately, political correctness is making a comeback, and now with the Internet, it’s easier than ever… all the Internet exists to do is point at the latest person who said the wrong thing, so the rest of us can feel morally superior…
Now social media is all about gotcha. A homophobic businessman, or a sexist cartoonist, or a college president who fat-shamed his dog by naming it ‘Waddles’…
A few weeks ago, the CEO of Mozilla was forced to resign because it was revealed that in 2008, he supported Prop. 8, California’s ban on gay marriage… Obama was against gay marriage in 2008! Does he have to resign? Hillary came around just last year. Can she be President?
You can’t purge everybody who doesn’t evolve exactly on the timetable you did.”
Purging people and opinion is not respectful nor effective. Just as I learned with my older son, the challenge with dictating perceived correctness is its lack of effectiveness. While words may be silenced and actions disallowed, dictating timing, content, and opinion doesn’t change the heart of the beholder. It only exacerbates opposition, as it justifies disrespect.
My son is still passionate about baseball. He hopes to play at a higher level — and I am his number one fan! However, guess who now speaks equally if not more about his future academic pursuit? Guess who initiates the conversation? It wasn’t some magic formula, and the change did not immediately occur. It did take surrender on this semi-humble parent’s part; there were many months I was uncomfortable. But my discomfort remained silent. The results have been excellent.
Respectfully…
AR