Throughout the course of history, man has looked for a sign from God…
From Gideon’s thrown out fleece — multiple times — asking God to make the plan perfectly clear — to Jim Carrey crying out to Morgan Freeman’s God character in “Bruce Almighty,” asking how to make people love him — man has long cried out to God. They’ve long asked for a sign. Sometimes, however, things get in the way…
- Circumstance.
- Pain.
- Intelligence.
- Stubbornness.
- Insult.
- Arrogance.
- Lack of submission.
- Feeling of being wronged.
- Need for control. .
… and so much more.
As many are painstakingly aware, I said an earthly goodbye to my young sister this weekend. It was hard. It was hard not only for me, but for my entire family… and the hundreds and hundreds and maybe even thousands of others who loved and admired this beautiful woman.
Nicole’s example has taught me more than any passion or policy or class or curriculum ever could. Her message was more poignant and powerful than any intellectual theory. Note that Nicole remained hopeful and positive as she endured some of life’s seemingly harshest circumstances. She did not waver. She did not cower. She was beautiful and unquestionably brave. Those who stood in line for hours to pay their respect knew what I knew; her message spurs us on. I desire to honor her in the way I now embrace the hope and encouragement she generously and consistently offered to others. I will be a better person because of my sister Nicole. This world is definitely in need of something better.
Driving home yesterday — the near seven hour drive from her house to mine — I had much to ponder. As I like to say, it was time to grieve and rejoice, kind of all at the same time.
But the additional reality is this is still hard — gut-wrenching, actually. Life is hard.
Hence, on the way home, something, uniquely, beautifully, special happened…
For years, my husband and I have seen the hawk as a personal sign, a sign that God is clearly present and loves us in a precious way like absolutely no other. On a good day, we might see a hawk or two. On a seven hour trip, we might see approximately seven. Yesterday, on the drive home, I said, “I know we will see more hawks today than ever before.”
We saw 50. We counted 50.
Did I say 50?
Time to grieve and rejoice all at the same time.
Respectfully…
AR
Absolutely beautiful.
I am warmed by your openness to experience God at each and every turn. He is so very good to us.
I hear her in my nephew’s laugh. I see her in my reflection. I smell her in her favorite perfume. She visits me in dreams and memories. Never truly gone – just not as easily reachable. I know your pain Ann and I am sorry this has become a part of your life. Your sister sounds like she made her stamp upon this earth and was able to impart some of God’s grace with those she knew. Much love to you and your family. Always here if you ever want to talk.
Ann,
I read your blog today during my prayer time and prayed for you and all those you love. Two years ago this May my sister in law also was called by God. My twin brother’s wife at the age of 43. Like your sister she was very special and full of grace. She too was brave and courageous through her cancer. I remember she would ask how we were doing when we were so concerned for her. The hawk is a big sign for my brother, his daughter and son. It’s a special red tail hawk that comes to their house on many occasions just when they need it to be there. 50 Hawks – we have an awesome God.
Love Barb
“Thousands” would be accurate, many who said to me, “I will be a better person because of Nicole.”
I am sure Nicole was flying with the hawks, watching over you on your travels home. My sister-in-law would find dimes in various places after her husband passed. That was his way of saying “I will always watch over you”.