Allow me a moment of total transparency: one night last week I got really mad at my spouse. I was really mad.
Earlier in the evening we were working through a challenging conflict with one of our sons. The son was not complying with our expectations. The situation was also not unfolding nor progressing in a positive way. It was frustrating, hard, and no fun for any of us.
As the conflict continued in absence of an immediate, foreseeable solution, my son left the room and my spouse and I pressed on with the dialogue. Yet with my son no longer present, I turned my frustration toward the only person left in the room: my loyal, loving spouse.
Oh, right. He wasn’t responsible. But in the moment, that didn’t matter to me. He hadn’t fixed the problem, even if my frustration wasn’t his fault. Still, it did not matter; I was really mad. I wanted the conflict to go away. So I justified my anger — no matter at whom it was directed.
Last week’s San Bernardino shooting was another gut-wrenching heartbreak. Once again, persons connected with militant Islamic ideology justified the intentional killing of innocent others. Across the country, we then reacted in different ways with different words, thoughts, passions, and stabs at solution. One aspect was obvious: the clear majority of us want the violence to stop. We want it to stop.
Chew on that for a moment… Whether an individual reaction manifested itself in a loquacious Facebook rant, a scathing newspaper editorial, or a call for increased legislation or military action, the bottom line is the same: we want the violence to stop. The repeated proclamation that “enough is enough” is a call for the innocent, evil killing to come to an end.
It is important, friends, to remember that we are not each other’s enemy. We are not the ones doing the killing. As much as we may disagree as to what to call the terror or what needs to be done to either diminish or eliminate the threat, it is truer still that we are not the enemy. We are not responsible for this evil exhibition.
And yet, we sometimes forget that. We forget that we are not responsible.
That glaring forgetfulness was obvious in last week’s New York Daily News. (Granted, it’s a paper struggling with declining readership, but…) In their sensationalized front page, they headlined the news with: “God Isn’t Fixing This.” Their subtitle read: “As latest batch of innocent Americans are left lying in pools of blood, cowards who could truly end gun scourge continue to hide behind meaningless platitudes.” They then featured multiple presidential candidates encouraging us to pray for the victims in California.
Then, too, came the flurry of copycat comments and proclamations — such as Gene Weingarten’s tweet from the Washington Post: “Dear ‘thoughts and prayers’ people: Please shut up and slink away. You are the problem, and everyone knows it”… or even the senator from Connecticut’s tweet: “Your ‘thoughts’ should be about steps to take to stop this carnage. Your ‘prayers’ should be for forgiveness if you do nothing — again”… or Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos: “How many dead people did those thoughts and prayers bring back to life?”… and still more who suggested we stop saying that “our thoughts and prayers are with you,” because as the rhetorical chorus imposed, our prayers aren’t working.
I have many sobering thoughts. Let me pose a simple, small few…
First, we are not divine beings; none of us are omniscient enough to know if or how our prayers are working. All we can conclude is that the violence has not stopped; no man can accurately discern the effect of the prayers.
Second, we must continue to remember that the clear majority of us — whether we lash out or stay silent — are disturbed at the violence. There is no need to judge the person who responds differently. We want the same thing; we want the violence to end.
And finally, when in our disgust, we turn our angst toward the sincere prayer of another — instead of focusing on the actual enemy — we resemble the conflict with my son and my spouse. We are yelling at “the only person left in the room.”
Remember that “the only person left in the room” is not the one responsible.
Respectfully… always…
AR
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (probably too many times) We, the peaceful majority need to find a way to take our PEACE back from those who would steal it from us through their VIOLENCE. We will one day join together to take back what is rightfully our, “…liberty and justice for all…”
Thank you for articulating what I could not put into words for myself. My heart ached at the “God won’t fix..” headlines and especially at the friends on social media who posted them. I am reminded that we are impatient people who will lash out at others without too much thought. God, (thank God) is not like that and so I look to the One who desires to make His will known, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”