Let me be clear: I have close to zero desire to write about public restrooms. It’s not because the Intramuralist is hesitant to enter into controversial conversations. It’s more because I don’t see any conversation going on.
I see a lot of people shouting at a lot of people. I see more spewing of opinion than seeking to understand other opinion. And that’s not even quite it, regarding this growing national debate over gender-based restrictions placed on public restroom use.
I feel a little bit, in fact, like legislating about public restrooms like I feel about federal courts discussing the inflation levels in NFL footballs… surely we have something better to do?!
I don’t deny that this is a tough issue. And I don’t deny it’s worth in the context of healthy dialogue and discussion. What leaves me reluctant, though, is that this has just become another argument.
Perhaps some don’t argue immediately; perhaps we are better at least at asking a few questions first; but then at a certain point we seem to declare ourselves omniscient enough to know exactly what all others in disagreement are thinking.
We then go a step farther. Not only do we think we totally get it how all others in disagreement are feeling, we also seemingly subconsciously declare ourselves judge, jury, and whatever else seems phonetically convincing in that phrase. We are so good at exerting our opinion and projecting it onto others…
“Well, because I’m comfortable with this, you should be, too!” … or…
“Because I’m not uncomfortable, it makes no sense that you are uncomfortable!”
Once again, “I/me/my/myself” is the subject of each of those sentences. The reason we struggle with even a bathroom conversation is because “I” is the focus of our sentence. When will we learn it’s possible to be compassionate to more than one people group and more than one perspective?
As for the issue at hand and to those most affected in this messy shouting match…
To the transgendered individual who has felt shame and societally ostracized, I want you to feel great compassion. None of us should ever intentionally heap humiliation upon another.
To the individual who is uncomfortable (or uncomfortable with their children) sharing a bathroom with other genders, I respect your conviction. None of us gets to make this decision for everyone else.
And to those intending to take advantage of how messy this situation is — the person who uses this as a means to prey on others to fulfill their own perversion — that is wrong. I pray you get help soon.
Friends, there are solutions to this issue that don’t have to be an argument; there are options we can work through if we quit arguing long enough to listen. I’d start by enlisting the help of every parent of an opposite-sex toddler who’s had to navigate through this when the urge calls at the local department store.
We also will at sometime have to address the issue of transgender identity — and make no mistake about it; it’s a tough one… there are some who hold the conviction that gender falls into a single spectrum — a so-called continuum ranging from masculinity to femininity on polar opposite ends of a single scale. There are many others who hold the conviction that gender falls into separate spectrums, and God chooses what kind of masculine or feminine each baby starts out as. That is a longer, future conversation and one I am willing to have.
But again, that is a conversation — one marked by listening, respect, and empathetic consideration of another’s opinion and emotion.
There. Done. I said I had close to zero desire to write about public restrooms. And don’t get me started on those Porta Potties. My desire there is even less.
Respectfully…
AR