village people

[Today is post #10 in our annual, summer Guest Writer Series. Note that the opinions expressed may or may not be held by the Intramuralist.]

“It takes a village to raise a child.” — African proverb

Years ago following this African proverb was the norm for most families. I’m not sure exactly when the shift from this happened. However, currently our society operates in a completely opposite manner. What I mean is if you tell a child at the park or in your neighborhood who is doing wrong — like destroying property or bullying — you’d have a wildly mad parent at how dare you correct their darling delinquent. In attempt to be transparent, I want to be honest. Parenting is hard. In books and on TV, you see the myth of supermom displayed more than the realistic version of moms crying, screaming, being discouraged and full of self doubt… Moms who long to feel loved and appreciated.

It’s said that moms are cruel to each other and bullying is at an all time high. However, it’s not just an issue with children. Adults are ruthless at cyberbullying. I recently read an eye-opening blog, where the author said we must stop the blame and shame epidemic. We must rally around each other in times of struggle. We must stop thinking we know what’s best for someone else’s situation.

Let me circle my wagon back to the point I was trying to make…

When the village way of parenting was practiced, families lived close, you knew your neighbors, and could count on them as an extra set of eyes. Neighborhood watch was not only for crime but also for parenting help. When I was young — and out playing at a neighbor’s house or even on the street — and their parents gave me a corrective order, I did it. Now if that would happen, you’d mostly get a rude comment and a visit from angry parents. I understand families are more spread out and it’s harder to have those extra people in your life. But trust me; it’s so worth finding some extra adults to invest in your kids. Find some trusted friends and make them your village! Talk it over; find the support and encouragement you need.

Recently a fellow mom whom I’m friends with on social media messaged me. She saw on a page of one of her friends, calling out a group of boys for bullying and encouraging this mom’s daughter to commit suicide. The girl’s mom had my son listed. She sent me the post saying she knew I’d want to know… and I did.

I messaged the girl’s mom and respectfully asked her to send me proof. The proof she sent was nowhere near what she claimed; it was certainly rude of my son, but not anything more. I corrected my son, telling him foul language was not acceptable nor was being rude and unkind going to be tolerated. I insisted the mom remove his name and post an apology — which she did. I then messaged the mom who alerted me of the situation, thanking her for help and telling her the problem had been resolved. It takes a village.

We have a small, extended family, so we asked our friends to be Godparents to our boys — someone they could go to that we knew would give similar, wise advice, and persons our boys would always see as “someone in their corner.”

They are our “village.”

Find yours… it’s so worth it.

Respectfully…
AW