[The conversation continues with Brent, Janie, Mike, Roni, Ronnie, and Ruth… 6 diverse individuals who recognize intentional respect as the first, best step forward.]
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AR: So let me ask a question. When someone doesn’t share your stated fears or concerns, how do you work with that? How do you talk to him/her?
RONI: Often by what someone doesn’t say, you can ask questions to understand someone’s fears.
JANIE: Am I the only one in the “south” or close enough to understand the Confederate Flag remains a serious way of life? Not making fun of it. I’m saying that there exist regional influences. Hence, are the fears different depending on the region where we live?
AR: Great question, Janie. And whether we relate or not, share them or not, what should be our approach?
MIKE: First, I acknowledge that the fears are real, sincere, and not contrived. Then I would offer the hope that the demonizing in which both sides portrayed the other was probably worse than reality.
RONI: As far as the “fear factor,” it is real. It’s like the the reality my two sons face when dealing with police and others is very different. (I’m not against the police and am not saying they are bad.) One son is white, and one son is bi-racial and very brown. However, my “brown” son has been harassed when he was doing nothing. I truly fear for his safety. Both parties may have demonized, but there was an unleashed meanness that is real. I appreciate your perspective Mike, but am afraid Pandora’s box is opened and can’t be closed.
MIKE: I do think the demonizing exceeded reality, but I also recognize some ugly elements of society that embraced the candidates, and the candidates did not denounce them, because they wanted the votes. I certainly hope they don’t govern that way, but acknowledge that remains to be seen. Skinheads are not going to rule this country. The vast majority of us oppose that.
JANIE: Roni — Pandora’s Box! Thank you. I could NOT find that in my brain cell!
RUTH: That’s another shock — the seeming permission given (or taken) for an unleashing of such hidden ugliness and nastiness. I am shocked to hear those reports from here and there. The fears I can understand, but I hoped in reality we were past so much of the racism etc. as a society!
Has the perception of being disregarded, some thinking self-righteously that “since the constitution and executive powers have been overstepped,” they are justified in now ugly backlash unleashed? … by a “minority of the majority”? WAY too many bad stories. The only hope I take is that at least, like puss oozing from an infection, maybe now it’s out, we can begin to deal with it.
MIKE: Just as MLK taught, folks, we overcome hate with love. So as this ugly element of society feels more comfortable coming out into the open, let us be loving rather than hateful toward each other.
RUTH: Agree! We shall overcome… someday!
RONI: I agree.
JANIE: Forceful denunciation is missing — can’t come together when “you” are insulting the people with whom you want to become friends. I suggest re-reading Reconstruction and the Northern treatment of the South.
RONI: Ubuntu is missing. So is the concept of ichi-go-ichi-e. Heard an interesting movie line that seems to sum “thangs” up for the political parties:
Little Rascal one: “Why don’t you look where you’re going?”
Little Rascal two: Why don’t you go where you’re lookin’.”
I think this applies to both parties.
Both parties have ideology which diminishes healthy dialogue. I appreciate AR’s reaching out to lead to understanding, not necessarily agreement, but at least a way to provide a vehicle to deeper insight.
Learning styles and exposure of people’s life trauma seems to have been amplified by this election cycle with no healing mechanisms. You just don’t “get over” the opened wounds brought out this election.
RUTH: I, too am so blessed by a diverse network of family friends. I’d love to hear more definition of the concepts you mentioned, Roni. What do they mean personally to you?
AR: Yes, Roni… “ichi-go-ichi-e”?
RONI: “Ubuntu” — cooperation. I lift you and you lift me. “Ichi-gu-ichi-e” — one time, one meeting.
Only get today. Make the most of each new experience. Reconciliation hearings were painful but honest.
JANIE: WOW! Roni, we would be BFF’s!
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[It’s amazing what respectful dialogue can do.]
More soon in regard to how we overcome, how we each fuel division, and some specific insights. Two more posts. Stay tuned.
Respectfully…
AR