intramuralist ™

Let’s begin with an inconvenient question: what narrative are we trying to promote?

One of the zillion things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that we tend to promote narratives we most relate to. The filter through which we see the world is the narrative we oft promote. It doesn’t mean we’re insensitive nor deceitful. We may not be intentionally attempting to mislead another, but also true is that our perspective might not be accurate.

I’ve struggled this week as we’ve retold and relayed the recent Atlanta spa shooting. How anyone ever intentionally takes the life of the innocent is something I will never understand. Sorry. I just don’t get it. It fits somewhere under the umbrella definition of evil for me.

Let me also add that this most recent violence hurts my heart deeply for my friends of Asian American Pacific Islander descent whose hearts are rattled and who continue to wrestle with fear in response to this and other heinous acts. I hate that. I wish no one’s heart to be rattled. God be with you. Always. As I get older, I believe such is the only sustainable comfort, especially in the face of evil… especially when the world makes zero sense.

What I find grossly confusing in response to this week’s shooting, no less, is how we respond to what actually happened.

Here’s the inconvenient, uncomfortable bottom line…

We don’t know exactly why this happened. Not now, at least.

I wish we did. But we don’t know why…

We don’t know why 21-year-old Robert Aaron Long killed eight people and injured another. We don’t know why he opened fire at Young’s Asian Massage in Acworth, Georgia on Tuesday evening, nor why he drove another 30 miles into Atlanta and killed four more at Gold Spa and Aromatherapy Spa. 

Long was responsible for killing six Asian women, a white woman, and a white man, and for wounding a Hispanic man as well.

Long told authorities his motive was based on the demons associated with an admitted sex addiction. Cherokee County Sheriff Frank Reynolds acknowledged the claimed “sexual addiction” and that the suspect “may have frequented some of these places in the past.” He also said it was too early in the investigation to say whether we were dealing with a hate crime. But what those involved in the investigation uncovered did not halt narratives from being pushed from multiple news outlets, politicians, pundits, and social media seemingly instantaneously… regardless of what was actually and factually known.

To be clear, law enforcement did not rule out a racist motivation. They also did not conclude that a racist motivation existed. They did not have such evidence (and reportedly still do not at the time of this posting).

And yet…

Multiple “new sources” declared the violence to be a hate crime. The evidence has not yet substantiated the declaration, but such was still the way some subjective news sources reported the awful attacks. Consider the reporting by CNN, for example; after their initial headline that “white supremacy and hate are haunting Asian Americans,” the lead sentence read, “It’s immaterial whether the accused killer in the Atlanta spa shootings admits to a racist motivation.”

Immaterial. That was reported as “news.” Let me go out on a semi-fragile but always respectful limb and suggest such equates more to a narrative being pushed. We’re not suggesting said news is an intentional attempt to mislead. But what is true is that said narrative might not be accurate. Hence, it’s not news.

Friends, as said, the Intramuralist hates the existence of evil and the killing of the innocent. I will also say, the facts matter. If this was an incident based on ethnicity, how awful. If this was an incident based on sexual addiction or mental health, how equally awful. All should be dealt with and reported accurately.

So let’s support our Asian American Pacific Islander community. 

Let’s support all people and zero evil. 

Let’s also support promoting the facts.

Respectfully…

AR

Ah, yes… once again it’s that maddening time of year… the time when even the fair-weathered fan engages, knowing they have equal opportunity to dominate the bracket. Note to all: the bracket busting potential is also inevitably equal.

Perhaps, no less, what many love best is the welcoming of diversity in a way that puts no one down in order to rise up self. If we haven’t noticed, as a country, culture, we aren’t always good at that. But at this annual event — albeit altered once more by the hopefully waning pandemic — all teams have a seat at the table… or a place on the court, that is. Each has a shot at their One Shining Moment. The ball is tipped. And there they are.

Some of the groups are surprisingly plenty…

We find three Mountaineers, three sets of Spartans, and four unique species of Tigers.

There are also four Eagle varieties, although only one claims to be Golden.

No doubt more than the Eagles intend to fly high… this would include both the Hawks and the Hawkeyes, the Jayhawks and Bluejays, but to be clear, no blue hawks or jay eyes. I suppose the Yellow Jackets may wish to be considered here, but the predatory wasp tends to thrive more in summer than in spring. 

The Ducks are oft confused with other members of the fowl family. Granted, they are not monophyletic, although some would suggest they are more comfortable on a different playing field — water or football. Our representative reptiles, the Gators, might also find increased ease in one or more of those venues… just saying.

We find two groups of Cougars and multiple others hailing from the cat and dog families — the Bears, Bobcats, Bruins, and a couple of Bulldogs, not to mention the Huskies, Wolverines, and a pair of Wildcats. I suspect there is the desire by some for said animals to be domesticated through this process; that will depend, however, on whose shining moment it actually is.

Still come animals that just seem a bit confusing on the hardwood… the Antelopes, Longhorns, Buffaloes, Badgers and Beavers, for example. I’d creatively comment that the latter two, while busy, seem selectively slow-moving, but dare we disrespect the seventh state’s Terrapins; that, uh, would be a turtle. Confusing still, though, are the Dragons. We’re talking folklore here, friends.

Lest we forget the Rams, Ramblers, and Razorbacks — each fast and fun to watch.

Others on the court may initially appear arguably more formidable… the Gauchos, Cowboys and Cavaliers, the Vikings and Volunteers, and the Raiders, Red Raiders and Scarlet Knights. Still more are defined solely by their color. Who knew an inanimate entity could be so competitive? Here we find both the Orange and the Mean Green. To be clear, the “mean” with the “green” sounds a little more intimidating. But what about the boys from Alabama. I mean, is the Crimson Tide actually a color or some aquatic, albeit creative kind of wave?

The colors are not alone in their inanimate quest. There are freedom’s Flames, actual Shockers, and some whose defining characteristic is speaking Gaelic. To be clear, the Hoyas are alive, albeit a sprawling evergreen shrub.

We should also acknowledge those yet to be cancelled — the Aztecs, Seminoles, and Illini. The Land of Lincoln’s representative is at least still Fighting, politically incorrect as such may be. 

Note that in response to the question, “what’s this?”… An Aggie is a “short way for saying agriculturalist”… A Hokie is the product of one senior student’s imagination from 1896 and now proudly describes those faithful to the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University… A Sooner is in reference to the early participants in the Land Run of 1889… And a Bonnie? Still working on that one. As for a Boilermaker… well, that’s a really witty, semi-humble, always engaging and fun blogger with lots of enthusiasm and always more to learn.

Let us not forget the Trojans and Tarheels and all the nuts from Ohio. Granted, my personal perspective — love them as I do — is that they’re a little nuttier during football season.

All for now, my friends. What a joy it is to be on life’s journey together… to sit and welcome all those at the table.

May we enjoy the Madness… the fun and games and last second shots. May we each have moments that shine.

Respectfully…

AR

He isn’t quite like his two brothers — one older, one younger. No doubt the least gregarious sibling. The other two? They are typically touted as the life of the party. But no, not this one. He’s more likely to be lost in the shuffle, so-to-speak.

So when his vivacious grandmother was paired with him to dance at the wedding reception three years ago, he meekly but quietly-gleefully joined in the reverie. She would say later, “I thought I was investing in one evening; it turned out to be way more than that.” They formed a notable, special bond.

With three more years of interaction and investment, this budding teen has found great confidence in his relationship with his beloved Mema. He knows she values him. And because of that, they can talk about most anything. Even via varied locations, lifestyles, and perspective, their relationship is solid, excellent, and good.

When hearing recently the keen example of this sweet relationship, I couldn’t help but think of Chapter 15 from Chad Veach’s “Help! I Work with People.” To be clear, since each of us interacts with some kind of people, I’ve found this an inherently valuable work to read.

Chapter 15 is entitled “The Most Important Currency,” and it wittingly unpacks how an unseen currency can have the greatest value — specifically, the currency of relationship. Writes Veach: 

“We know intuitively that relationships matter… but how do we build them? How do we add value and build trust? How do we invest in people in such a way that our connection with them grows? 

Relationships don’t just happen. They take intentionality, work, and time. If we understand how to build relationships properly, they will withstand the ups and downs of life and the inevitable bumps in the road.

One way to think about building relationships is in terms of deposits and withdrawals. Not in the sense of reducing friendship and affection to a mere transaction, of course, but in the sense of investment. The more we put into a relationship, the more it will thrive, grow, and generate a return. But if all we do is take or withdraw from a relationship, the balance will quickly drop to zero and it will cease to be an asset we can count on…”

Relationships matter…

They take intentionality, work, and time…

They can withstand the ups and downs… the bumps, too.

They can withstand those bumps — those withdrawals, if you will — as long, too, as there are investments…

… a kind word… an affirmation… a request to learn more… maybe even, a request to dance.

As increasingly more refuse to engage in respectful dialogue — thinking “my way is right” and “your way isn’t worth even hearing” — as then, we watch society struggle to do relationship well, my sense is we’ve forgotten the beauty of deposits. We’ve spent so much time investing in self and in who/what we think we most identify with, we’ve lost the art of focusing on what’s meaningful to others outside of that perceived bubble.

Are we proactively depositing in the account of another? Are we affirming them? Are we hitting “like” more than sharing why once more we’ll have to agree to disagree? 

Are we expressing gratitude? Are we listening attentively? Are we cheering another on — even in difference?

Veach’s work challenges me, friends. Why? Because it reminds me of the tremendous value in taking the focus off of self, whether I think like the other person or not.

That vivacious grandmother would have loved to hit the dance floor with other adults that night. She can turn up the enthusiasm and easily, too, be crowned that oh-so-contagious, life of the party. But she chose to invest in one who needed it more. And that mattered. It has paid deep dividends for that young man still today.

It’s amazing, therefore, what a difference it makes — in public, in social media, and yes, even on the dance floor — when we intentionally and continually make deposits into other people… when we think more of them than of self.

Respectfully…

AR

Along with an estimated 17.1 million others in the U.S. on Sunday, I tuned into the long awaited interview of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. (No judgment, please… football season is over and March Madness is still a few short days away.)

But as with many topics, today’s post pertains to far more than one more read about the Royals. Alas, for those choosing not to tune in, allow us to share a few facts prior to acknowledging how the post applies to so much more…

• In January of 2020, Prince Harry and Meghan announced they would be stepping away from “senior” royal roles and would work to become financially independent.
• In February of 2021, they chose to fully step away, confirming they will discontinue any responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service.
• The Duke and Duchess of Sussex then sat down with Oprah Winfrey for a two hour interview. Oprah had initially asked for an interview prior to their marriage in 2018.
• Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, joined only the latter hour of the interview. Meghan did most of the talking.
• Meghan is former American actress; she is biracial.
• Meghan said prior to marriage, she was not aware of the complexities of the Royal Family and their operations.
• When pregnant with their first child, Meghan said some family members were concerned with “how dark his skin might be when he was born”; she would not identify the family members.
• Meghan also said when first pregnant, she was informed the child would not be named a prince or princess and would not get the protection that accompanies said title; she says she received no reason why.
• She said she struggled with significant suicidal thoughts.
• Addressing tabloid headlines claiming Meghan had made her sister-in-law, Kate, cry over her daughter the flower girl’s dress, Meghan said it was instead Kate who made her cry. 
• Prince Harry said his father, Prince Charles, stopped taking his calls.
• He said there is “space” between him and his brother, Prince William.
• Addressing their estimated $100 million deal with Netflix and $25 million deal with Spotify, Prince Harry said such was “never their intention,” but he needed the money “to keep my family safe.”
• He said his family “cut me off financially” and that he was only able to remove himself from royal life thanks to money left to him by his late mother, Princess Diana.  
• In reference to Princess Diana, he said, “I think she saw it coming.”

Some additional, insightful quotes…

• Said Meghan: “Not only was I not being protected, but they were willing to lie to protect other members of the family, but they weren’t willing to tell the truth to protect me and my husband.”
• In regard to her suicidal thoughts: “I went to the Institution and I said I need to go somewhere to get help … and I was told that I couldn’t, that it wouldn’t be good for the Institution.”
• Also, Meghan on any regrets: “My regret is believing them when they said I would be protected.”
• Said Harry of his father: “I feel really let down, because he’s been through something similar. He knows what pain feels like.”
• Said Harry of royal life: “I was trapped but I didn’t know I was trapped. Trapped within the system like the rest of the family. My father and my brother are trapped.”

There are other nuggets of news for the curious to savor, but allow us to sum up the time as concisely as possible — and the why as to how this applies to so much more:

This was the sharing of a singular perspective.

Friends, allow me to be clear. The perspective shared may be completely, 100% accurate. At the very least, it seems to be what Prince Harry and Meghan actually feel. As much, therefore, as I’m hesitate airing family matters in public forums (as it severely impairs reconciliation efforts), Harry and Meghan’s feelings are valid simply because they feel them.

But the key distinction is that while feelings are valid and thus indicative of perspective, perspective does not equate to truth. 

So when Oprah encourages yet another to speak her “truth,” while the sentiment is sincere, it’s simply the wrong choice of words. There are many perspectives, but there’s only one truth. Harry and Meghan shared a perspective.

No doubt such is applicable to all situations… indeed, on all sides of the Atlantic.

Respectfully…

AR

As we do 2-3 times yearly, let’s take a look at the week in questions. Why do we do this? One, because it reveals the subjectivity of the news. And two, because the Intramuralist likes questions.

According to The 74 Million, ABC, American Greatness, Associated Press, The Atlantic, Bloomberg, Chicago Tribune, CNN, The Daily Beast, Deseret News, The Economist, ESPN, Film Daily, FOX News, The Hill, Huffington Post, Inside Hook, MSNBC, National Geographic, National Review, The New Center, New York Post, The New York Times, New Yorker, Politico, Poynter, Project Syndicate, Real Clear Energy, Real Clear Markets, Real Clear Politics, The Spectator, Sporting News, Substack, TK News, Townhall, USA Today, Vox, Wall Street Journal, Washington Times, and Yahoo!, here are 65 questions the left, right, and “in between” utilized to headline their “news,” attempting to get our attention last week…

1. A Grand Bargain on Wages and Immigration?
2. A Swarm of Earthquakes Shakes Iceland. Are Volcanic Eruptions Next?
3. America Uncanceled?
4. Can America Escape the Stimulus Trap?
5. Can Democrats Rig the Vote Forever?
6. Can Democrats Stop the GOP Assault on Voting Rights?
7. Can Duke Make the NCAA Tournament?
8. Can Joe Biden Get America Out of the Middle East?
9. Can the U.S. Economy Grow Without Immigration?
10. Can We Put an End to the Vaccine Hunger Games?
11. Could a Celebrity Candidate Roil the Newsom Recall Waters?
12. Could Tiger Woods Have Been Asleep at the Wheel Before Crash?
13. Cuomo allegations: What do Democrats Who Believed Kavanaugh Accusations Think?
14. Do We Even Need the Golden Globes?
15. Double Standard?
16. How Does a Mass Vaccination Site Work?
17. How Has a Year in the Pandemic Changed You?
18. How Is Chris Cuomo Still On the Air at CNN?
19. How Often Do Fact Checkers Write Off Trump’s Claims As ‘Misleading’?
20. How Will Prince Harry and Meghan Make Their Money, Now that Royal Duties Are Behind Them?
21. How Would Jesus Vote?
22. Is a Spring Coronavirus Surge Inevitable?
23. Is a Universal Basic Income Coming Closer to Reality?
24. Is Biden Losing the Immigration Debate?
25. Is Censorship the Answer?
26. Is Dr. Seuss a Tipping Point in Left’s Cancel Culture War?
27. Is Mob Justice Now Poetic Justice?
28. Is It OK to Be Optimistic about Covid-19 Now?
29. Is Plagiarism Legal?
30. Is It Racist to Expect Black Kids to Do Math for Real?
31. Is It Time to Admit That Tom Brady’s Witch Doctor Wellness Routine Actually Works?
32. Is It Time to Put Wind Energy on Ice?
33. Is the Biden Administration Stumbling Into War?
34. Is The “K-Shaped” Recovery Con Finally Over?
35. Is This the Covid-19 Endgame?
36. In Land of Lincoln, What’s Wrong with Statues of Honest Abe?
37. Neanderthal?
38. Neera Tanden: First Cabinet-Level Casualty of the Twitter Age?
39. The Indians Knew About Mickey Callaway’s Behavior. Why Didn’t They Do Anything About It?
40. Was COVID-19 Our Neutron Bomb?
41. What Are the Chances Tiger Woods Makes Another Comeback?
42. What Constitutes A ‘Misleading’ Claim About Guns?
43. What Do Democrats Who Believed Kavanaugh Accusations Think?
44. What Do Predictions of ‘Herd Immunity’ Mean For Schools?
45. What Does National Security Even Mean Anymore?
46. What Exactly Are Uber-Woke Educators Teaching Our Kids?
47. What Is an Earmark?
48. What Will China Do With the World’s Largest Navy?
49. What’s Happening with the University of Texas and ‘The Eyes of Texas’ School Song?
50. What’s in the COVID Relief Bill?
51. What’s Really Behind Corporate Promises on Climate Change?
52. When Can We Go on Vacation Again?
53. Where Did Millions of Dollars in Donations to Black Lives Matter Go?
54. Who Do Sportsbooks Think the Patriots’ Starting Quarterback Will Be in 2021?
55. Who Killed Chicago?
56. Who Would Volunteer to Fact-Check Twitter?
57. Who’s on the Bubble?
58. Why Do Biden’s Handlers Have Him Back in the Basement?
59. Why Have Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Ditched the Royal Family?
60. Why Is Facebook Banning Myanmar Military Gages?
61. Why Is Joe Biden Dodging the Public and the Press?
62. Will Vaccines Help Newsom Survive Recall in California?
63. Will the Real President Please Stand Up?
64. Will You Still Get a Third Stimulus Check Under the New Senate Plan?
65. Would More Funding for Low-Quality Schools Help?

Let’s keep asking questions. Let’s also be cognizant of subjectivity. 

Respectfully…

AR

What’s too far to go?

In San Francisco, a school board voted to rename multiple schools with possibly objectionable names — including schools named after Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and the current Senior Senator from California, Dianne Feinstein.

We keep cancelling people — meaning vocal masses attempt to negate one’s entire life contributions because of a singular aspect, sentence or deed… J.K.Rowling, John Muir, John Wayne, and now Dr. Seuss. Note the inanimate are equally nonexempt; see Eskimo Pie and Mr. Potato Head. Business institutions are also becoming questionable, with increasing calls to remove or at least rename entities such as Five Guys (burgers) or moving co., Two Men and a Truck.

The voluminous voices seem to expect people before to think like people now — concluding they were bad; we are better. There is little grace in awareness of evolution of thought. In fact, if cancelling continues to be an accepted barometer of historic morality, I wonder what we will be cancelled for decades from now.

Please hear; we want to respect all people. We want to teach the generations that come. But too often as of late it seems the abrupt impulse to tear down is insisted on in place of incisive, mindful teaching. We tear down moments and monuments. We tear down even people.

Oh, the places we’ll go… have we gone too far?

Let’s be sensitive to what’s outrageous. Let’s also be honest about what’s not. 

Allow me to quote the oft outrageous Bill Maher, not one typically quoted here due to perceived disrespect. What I uncannily appreciate about Maher, no less, is his intolerance of the intolerant, albeit with a typical, bitingly-sarcastic bent. Note his recent rant on HBO’s “Real Time” (with editorial attempts to remove any denigration):

“Cancel culture is real. It’s insane. And it’s growing exponentially. And it’s coming to a neighborhood near you. If you think it’s just for celebrities, no. In an era where everyone is online, everyone is a public figure… is this really who we want to become?…

Think about everything you’ve ever texted, emailed, searched for, tweeted, blogged or said in passing. Or now even just witnessed. Someone had a confederate flag in their dorm room in 1990 and you didn’t do anything? You laughed at a Woody Allen movie? Andy Warhol was wrong. In the future everyone will not experience 15 minutes of fame but 15 minutes of shame. 

62% of Americans say they have opinions they’re afraid to share. 80% of Americans — young, old, rich, poor, conservative, liberal, white, minority — all hate the current atmosphere of hypersensitivity. Yet everyone hates it, and no one stands up to it because it’s always the safe thing to swallow what you really think and just join the mob.

So if someone asks you if Justin Timberlake owes Britney Spears an apology for not being a perfect boyfriend when they were teenagers, just say ‘yes.’ Easy…

‘The Mandalorian’s’ Gina Carano is a person I’d never heard of… She made some Nazi analogy — who doesn’t these days?! ‘You’re like the Nazis’ is the new ‘I don’t like you.’ And it’s always ok when Trump’s the Nazi. That disqualifies her?… By the way, you can’t work in Hollywood if you don’t believe what we believe. Yeah, in the 50’s that’s exactly what the left complained they were being told.

And the week before it was Chris Harrison’s turn in the barrel; he’s the host of ‘The Bachelor’ and is ‘stepping away.’ Stepping away to ‘educate’ himself on ‘a more profound and productive level than ever before.’ Oh, good. Good… and if I thought I couldn’t count on ‘The Bachelor’ for moral guidance, I don’t know if I could go on. 

Of course, he’s not stepping away because he’s the host of a televised snake pit where 32 female contestants are trapped in the sorority house… it’s because he wouldn’t throw one of them under the bus when it came to light that in college she attended a ‘Dress Up Like We’re in the Old South’ party, which is not a type of party we should be throwing, in that it winks at a civilization built on slavery, yes. But apparently in 2018, millions of people were still doing it. And mature people understand humans are continually evolving — as opposed to ‘Wokeville’… 

What’s Chris Harrison supposed to do? Build a time machine, go back to 2018 and knock the mint juleps out of their hands? Maybe while he’s time traveling, he can have a word with that [bleep] Abraham Lincoln who’s now cancelled in San Francisco — and they’re thinking about it in Illinois. Yes, ‘The Land of Lincoln’ might cancel Lincoln…”

Friends, how do we deal with what is no doubt a growing, glaring problem? From my limited vantage point, the “mob” is active. They are loud. What I don’t believe they are, however, is the majority. “Vocal” and “majority” are not synonymous. One is known most for its volume.

• So how do we be respectful without being hypersensitive?
• How do we teach without tearing down?
• How do we allow for the evolution of thought?
• And how do we not negate the entire contributions of another because a past aspect, sentence or deed doesn’t fit with how we think now?

There must be a wiser way.

Oh, yes… the places we’ll go…

Respectfully…

AR

No doubt we are offended by much…

A car cuts us off. 

A close friend shares big news with the group before sharing individually with us.

A rude remark is made our presence.

And let’s be clear; in some instances the offense is unquestionably legit.

But let’s be clearer still; sometimes we go into a situation expecting to be offended.

We plan on it. We assume the worst. We instantly see another as opposition. Often before any actual, sincere listening.

We fuel our offense with all sorts of emotion — passion, anger… bitterness, resentment… you name it.

What we often withhold, however, is scrutiny. 

Hence, we fail to ask arguably the most important question…

Does my offense hold up to scrutiny?

Finding a keen, easily-discussable example of offense is not difficult in a society where social media serves as a fragile breeding ground for most every affront. So allow me to make it personal. Let me make it personal in an arena where no doubt, I have absolutely every right to be offended.

On multiple occasions, I have been unfortunately adjacent to a person who has chosen to employ use of the “r-word.” The “r-word” — “retarded” — comes from the Latin word retardare, which means “to make slow, delay, keep back, or hinder.” The word would later be used as a medical term to describe the intellect of a person with a cognitive disability; it actually replaced words such as idiot, imbecile, and moron. Today, the “r-word” is considered hate speech.

I admit: use of the word makes me cringe. Makes me mad. Makes me all sorts of very unpleasant things. As the parent of an amazing young man blessed with an extra chromosome #21, to reduce a description of him to that, is so unseemly, unfair, and wholly inaccurate. Josh has more gifts than I can count and does so many things actually better than me.

So let me again ask the question: does my offense hold up to scrutiny?

Let us first insert an important directive: it is not our place to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be offended about. Note that I am asking (and advocating) the question of self.

Does my offense hold up to scrutiny?

No doubt such a term is dated and demeaning. Its use is inappropriate. 

But what about the articulator of the term? Were they intending to hurt me? Were they intentionally trying to slam my son?

Most always, when the “r-word” is employed in my presence, I allow the other person, absent any interruption, to complete their thought, and then I ask if I can offer some insight — especially as the parent of a son with special needs. I then concisely share the evolution of the word and its current connotation. Far more than nine times out of ten, the sharer is aghast at their own usage; they did not realize they were being so insulting. And when such feedback is shared in a way that is sincere and never attacking of them, it’s amazing the ease at which they are able to hear.

It makes me wonder further still, especially with all these societal breeding grounds for offense…

What would happen if we stopped expecting to be offended?

What education could take place?

And would our individual ability to sincerely listen improve? … maybe even drastically?

Respectfully…

AR

My nephew was in the hospital for a total of 10 days — 6 of those in ICU.

My teenage, summer camp buddy’s entire household was affected — all 6 of them. Many lost their sense of taste and smell, but not him. He had little more than a common cold, if that.

Compare that still with my young friend on the college campus — who never tested positive but experienced a fever, chills, and prolonged muscle fatigue.

Obviously, the range of symptoms individuals have experienced with Covid has been extraordinarily broad, unpredictable, and inexact.

Let us also be certain not to omit the status of a dear professional peer; she continues to recover from what’s termed “long haul Covid,” a form of the virus which affects approximately 10% of those who experience symptoms, yet their symptoms last for at least two to three months. She was diagnosed in late December.

Adding to the ambiguity, the doctors say “long-haulers”could be anyone — young, old, healthy, sick. Demographics do not matter.

Let us ask the obvious. Why? How?

Allow me to quote one of the nation’s top hospitals, the Cleveland Clinic: “There seems to be no consistent reason for this to happen.”

So under the initial umbrella of Covid, allow us to proffer today’s bigger point: one of the things I think we’re not very good at as a culture is debunking this idea that “if it happens to me, it happens to thee.”

Because our experience is unquestionably valid — acknowledging that each of the above circumstances actually did happen — we equate our individual experience with another’s reality. At the very least, we equate it with the majority’s reality.

But it’s an unequal equation.

Let’s return to the glaring, current example of Covid, noting that as of Monday, the U.S. confirmed 53,204 new cases of COVID-19 per the Johns Hopkins University COVID-19 Dashboard, with 4.2% of the 1,254,065 tests reported coming back positive, and an additional 1,322 deaths attributed to the virus, bringing the pandemic’s American death toll to 500,201. Also, according to the COVID Tracking Project, 55,403 Americans are currently hospitalized with the virus. 

They are hospitalized with different levels of seriousness. Some will leave. Some will not. Some will never be there. Covid affects people differently.

Says Charles Bangham, chair of immunology and co-director of the Institute of Infectious Diseases at Imperial College London, “All infectious diseases affect different people to different degrees. You may suffer terribly from the flu, but even if you can detect the virus with a cotton swab from the respiratory tract, you may have a mild or completely asymptomatic infection, but another virus. So I may have a milder infection than you.” Each of us has a unique set of genes which controls the efficiency of our immune response.

Hence, for those who’ve said, “This virus is awful!” That is true.

And for those who’ve said, “This is nothing,” That, too, may be true.

They speak truth… based on their experience.

I thus think there are two steps of wisdom in response.

First, I believe it’s wise to resist applying our experience to everyone else or even to assume it’s the majority. My sense is we often invoke the majority clause because it makes us feel better, venturing to validate our individual account.

But second, I believe it’s wise to refuse concluding that a different experience is invalid…

Precisely because the experience is different.

Covid is a one example — a glaring one at that; may God be with the many who continue to struggle. But may we also be more honoring of another’s different experiences, not viewing them as anything other than valid.

Respectfully…

AR

It’s a phrase I’ve come to conclude, few of us understand. Fewer still, consistently employ…

Let our words be seasoned with salt.

Perhaps we should first note ten of the plethora of purposes for salt:

• Salt preserves.
• It enhances texture.
• It adds flavor.
• Salt is a binding agent; it holds things together.
• Salt keeps fruit from browning — from going bad faster.
• It exfoliates — getting rid of dead cells.
• It removes stain.
• It alleviates odor.
• Salt heals mouth sores.
• It also reduces swelling and stings. 

Funny. We oft think of salt on our veggies, meat, and absolutely anything potato. But imagine the keen wisdom when applied further to our words…

Salty words hold things together, alleviating the unpleasant and distasteful. 

Salty words actually allow for the healing of what’s sore, swells, and stings.

Thus, salt, in its more intangible form, equates to an unparalleled graciousness. Kindness, and tolerance, too. It is a form of speech that is tender and truthful, undeniably thoughtful. Even when tempting to do otherwise, to season our words with salt means to resist any condemnation or complaint, bitterness or boast.

And this is for always, friends…

In life. And death. Even when it’s hard.

I read recently how death is the ultimate equalizer. And how even then — maybe even more — our words matter much. We don’t speak ill of the dead — meaning we still employ the salt seasoning — because death humbles us all; we each will face the same fate one day, standing no doubt, before an active, living and loving God. I will add one tangent, personal comment — and maybe this is my emotion speaking more than my logic. But one of the most unattractive things to me is the modern day usage of social media to denigrate the dead. I don’t care who the dead is. I simply see that as an utter absence of wisdom.

So let me be more personal for mere moment more…

Someone I deeply love passed away yesterday.

He was gift to me and my family. He loved us deeply and we loved him back. What a joy it was to watch him interact with my sons over the years. He’d play with them, joke with them, ask them great, probing questions… never offering judgment, even through those oft-erratic, hormonal teen years. He was hospitable always, gentle and unquestionably loyal. He was so generous with us. Always. He loved Jeeps, British Labradors, and a good pot of coffee. He always had a full pot waiting for any waking in his home. He was faithful, sincere, and encouraging of me since my earliest days.

I remember, in fact, as a kid, hanging at summer family camp — and it being one of those situations in the evening where the adults were gathered round, playing games, but only the older kids were really capable of playing. I was 6 or 7.

The adults were playing Rack-O, the classic card game in which you “rack ‘em and stack ‘em,” so-to-speak. Bob, always inviting and aware of who’s in the room, asked me to be his partner, making me feel included, affirming me even then. From that moment on, he and I always played together.

Bob was always good at seasoning his words with salt. He would add a subtle, keen wit, too, of course — another admirable gift.

Death, undoubtedly, puts life in perspective, if we pause long enough to embrace the sobering lesson. So after silent tears shed still this morn, I’m off to the store today. Need to buy that Rack-O game. Need to teach my kids.

May we always honor others, friends.

With our actions. With our words. No matter what.

With deep gratitude…

AR

New posts will resume Sunday, February 21st. We can’t wait!