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ray rice, the affordable care act, & a pit bull

Years ago, NFL running back Ray Rice hit his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer, knocked her out, and drug her out of the elevator in which the altercation happened. Rice and Palmer were each highly intoxicated at the time. After celebrity media outlet TMZ released a video of the violent incident, Rice was released from the Baltimore Ravens and subsequently indicted on a charge of third-degree aggravated assault.

Said incident was serious, emotional, and prompting-of-immediate reaction. It was hard to watch that video. How people responded (and continue to respond) seemed dependent on their proximity of view.

From the viewpoint of some — especially those who have personally witnessed the horrors of domestic violence — Rice should be incarcerated for years. From the viewpoint of some others — maybe those whose focus is on football, and solely winning or losing — it was no big deal. And from still others — those who saw that Rice and Palmer married six weeks later — and continue to speak out against domestic violence — they see the experience as awful, hard, but yet a poignant story of redemption and reconciliation.

My point is: the proximity of a person’s vantage point matters. Proximity affects perspective.

Last week, the House of Representatives repealed Obamacare/the Affordable Care Act/whatever-is-politically-correct-to-call-it. For some — especially those whose premiums have gone down or who are troubled by the mere existence of the Trump administration — it was an awful, shameful thing. For others — whose premiums have skyrocketed or who have lost their desired coverage or doctor — it was to be celebrated. And yet, still from others — who realize that this has become a partisan debate, instead of realizing that neither ACA or a “repeal/replace” campaign mantra is totally good or effective and simply, the American healthcare system needs to be fixed — the reaction was mixed. As a wise friend said, “Healthcare needs fixing — doesn’t matter if it’s the ACA or not. But if both sides of Congress are not willing to sit down and work together to fix these things, nothing will change.”

On healthcare, too, our perspective is typically based upon where we sit… what we see… and how we — and those we love and do life with — are affected. The challenge is that multiple, valid perspectives exist.

Let’s try one more.

With all the plates spinning in the Intramuralist’s daily routine (house on the market, graduating senior, a few increased days of single parenting, etc.), I have become the new favorite customer at my local kennel (… at least I keep telling them I’m their new favorite…). Yesterday when I dropped off my animals, I had to step aside, waiting for a young man to exit with his pit bull.

As the man and his dog walked out, the dog asserted himself, attempted to lead, and attempted to go farther and faster than his owner desired. Immediately, the human involved here yelled at the pit bull; he was mad. “Stop it! You know better! Cut it out! NOW!” The man was more than a little agitated.

From my close perspective, it seemed like that man was being a little harsh on the dog. It’s a kennel; there’s lots of other animals there; it’s easy to be distracted. But I quickly recognized there existed other perspectives that from my vantage point, I had no way of seeing… I had no way of knowing this pup’s past record of behavior… I had no way of knowing how this pit bull best responds to direction… and I had no way of knowing what else was affecting the dog owner’s day, which would in turn affect how he communicated with his dog — and with everyone else.

My point is that even though I was the closest to the man — and even though I had a pretty good vantage point — a vantage point which served as the basis for my opinion — there were still aspects I was incapable of seeing — aspects that might provide the basis for other, different, and yes, valid perspectives.

Can we recognize that multiple, valid perspectives may exist?

Can we acknowledge that most of the time, we are incapable of seeing all?

Or are we simply too stuck in thinking what we perceive is the only possible perspective?

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

college clashes and a little bit more

Beginning with an editorial intro from USA Today this week:

“At Claremont McKenna College in California, protesters blocked the doors to a lecture hall preventing conservative author Heather Mac Donald from speaking. At Middlebury College in Vermont, a professor accompanying libertarian author Charles Murray was injured by an angry mob. At the University of California-Berkeley and its surrounding community, protests against scheduled speakers have turned ugly.”

Last week bitingly-sarcastic (and in my semi-humble opinion, sometimes both incredibly witty and incredibly rude) conservative commentator, Ann Coulter, was scheduled to speak at UC Berkeley. Coulter was invited by a nonpartisan, student organization. People protested. Violence was threatened. Berkeley attempted to postpone the event. Coulter eventually cancelled because of the rising intensity of security threats.

What has since ensued is a debate over free speech and the First Amendment on college campuses.

Again, from the USA Today editorial board:

“In just the place where the clash of ideas is most valuable, students are shutting themselves off to points of view they don’t agree with. At the moment when young minds are supposed to assess the strengths and weaknesses of arguments, they are answering challenges to their beliefs with anger and violence instead of facts and reason.”

USA Today does a good job in my opinion, moving this debate past the more simply-defined concept of the validity of free speech. This isn’t about free speech; it isn’t about what a person is not allowed to say.

It’s too avoidant to characterize the current college campus debate as questioning the right to individual verbal expression.

This dialogue is about an unwillingness to entertain opposing opinion.

I admit: entertaining opposing opinion is not the easiest to do. And so many who long ago left the college campus still struggle with said willingness.

So what’s happening on the college campus — which I assume includes some very smart people — seems an exaggerated manifestation of what we’re seeing on other societal avenues.

For some reason, a perceived growing number of people see the existence of opposing opinion as a threat. We can’t entertain it… we can’t listen to it… we can’t wrestle with any validity. We must resist any willingness to allow the opinion to exist. Here then, we see a stark contrast between intellect and wisdom… as a lot of bright people aren’t acting very wise.

I appreciate what Sen. Elizabeth Warren said in response. “Let her speak… If you don’t like it, don’t show up.” Note that Warren is no fan of Coulter’s, but knows the wisdom in allowing opposing opinion to exist.

In fact, perhaps what I appreciate most about this debate is the common ground crossing all societal, political lines. Warren, Bernie Sanders… Coulter… all seemingly hailing from a bit of the radical, political fringe… from the left and the right…

Agreed.

The polar-opposite, ideological, political fringe agreed.

Said Sanders, “I don’t like this. I don’t like it. Obviously Ann Coulter’s outrageous ― to my mind, off the wall. But you know, people have a right to give their two cents-worth, give a speech, without fear of violence and intimidation.”

Exactly. This isn’t about free speech. This is about silencing those with whom one disagrees.

When we advocate for silencing, we simultaneously sacrifice wisdom.

We sacrifice wisdom when we are no longer willing to wrestle with the validity of opposing opinion.

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

flipping the bird

I love it when spring and summer welcome the way to warmer weather. Days lengthen and sleeves shorten, and at least in the mid and northern states, neighbors begin to commune more outside together.

One of my personal fave responses is rolling down the window, opening up the sun roof, and letting the music blare… maybe straight from the latest hit pop charts… maybe an 80’s throwback… maybe a little contemporary Christian mixed in, just to keep me grounded.

I love driving and living like this!

A couple weeks ago, we experienced one of those breakthrough days. The warmer weather had peeked through, but still wasn’t here to stay.

I was driving as depicted down a decently busy, more residential street, maybe going somewhere near 35 m.p.h. After the stopped light turned green, I pressed on the accelerator (and revved up the music) and started to go. But immediately, all of a sudden, a sharp red sports car gunned his gas pedal and turned right in front of me, causing me to stop and slam on the brakes.

I admit… I thought about my reaction for a prolonged nano-second, but then I hit my horn briefly, calling attention to the man’s actions. It wasn’t a long honk, but it was a honk nonetheless, bringing attention to the misdoings of the man.

Let’s be clear. I had the right of way. There was zero question. There was no existence of “gray” in this intersection.

The driver of the other car made a decision that was questionable. I had done no wrong. However, when his decision-making was drawn attention to, he promptly responded by sticking his hand up and out his open window, and flipped me none other than the infamous, disrespectful “bird.”

Did I have to honk? No.

Was it wrong for me to honk? No.

Did I lay on my horn and exaggerate any offense? No.

I simply called attention to the choice of another that was questionable at best. He couldn’t handle the question. Let me say it one another way: he wasn’t willing to handle the question.

It thus made me wonder how often we do that… how often we can’t handle the question. And instead of dealing with our own responsibility, our own culpability, how our own decisions potentially negatively influence others, we are quick to flip that bird, so-to-speak… we are quick to deflect all attention so that we never have to wrestle with personal responsibility.

Perhaps we intentionally or unintentionally exaggerate or share a mistruth… “yeah, but he… she lied first…”

Or we treat someone rudely…  “yeah, but he… she… they were mean to me…”

Or maybe we simply refuse to forgive… “they hurt me… don’t you know that? … don’t you know what they did?”

How often do we deflect the blame?

Better yet, how often do we ignore our own involvement? How often do we allow the behavior of another to prompt the denial of personal responsibility? How often do we refuse to acknowledge ethical, moral, or relational wrongdoing simply because it’s easier to point fingers at any who call attention to it?

People… parties… us.

It’s tough. It’s easier just to flip those birds. Regardless of season.

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

second chances?

Let’s do this a little differently today. Let me share what I want to talk about before we begin. I don’t want to get off track in the rabbit trails and red herrings. I don’t want to minimize any detail, but I also don’t want the specifics to keep us from wrestling with the underlying question. Let me be clear: the specifics are hard. The audacity is unthinkable… sobering… and nothing short of infuriating. We will not minimize the severity. I simply want to talk about an underlying angle. I want to wrestle with the excellent question of: what’s too much to pay?

I want to talk about forgiveness. And consequence. I want to address pardon… propitiation… a restart, so-to-speak. I want to talk about second chances. When do they and when do they not apply? When does a person not deserve a second chance?

And… who gets to decide that? Could different people, have different, okay ways to proceed?

Let me offer the awful example…

Joe Mixon is a 20 year old, aspiring NFL athlete. Soon after arriving on the college campus, one day after his 18th birthday, Mixon punched fellow student, Amelia Molitor, in the face, breaking multiple bones, requiring hospitalization, surgery, and a jaw wired shut. Not only did Molitor have to endure the physical recovery, she was also subject to the extended stares, shame, social media avenues attempting to blame her, and to the fans, attorneys, etc. who prioritized Mixon’s football future over Molitor’s mental and physical health.

While the horrifying incident happened three years ago, the video wasn’t released until last December, which spurred on even more stares at Molitor, more outrage directed at Mixon, and more fans and attorneys attempting to minimize Mixon’s criminal actions.

Molitor has seemingly worked hard to heal and survive. Some would say she has found a way to thrive. Part of her chosen way through was to meet not long ago with Mixon.

From Molitor on their meeting: “Joe and I were able to meet privately, without any attorneys, and talk about our experiences since that night. I am encouraged that we will both be able to move forward from here with our lives. From our private discussions I am satisfied that we are going to put this behind us and work towards helping others who may have found themselves in similar circumstances.
I greatly appreciate his apology and I think the feelings he expressed were sincere. We both could have handled things differently. I believe if we had a chance to go back to that moment in time, the situation would not have ended the way it did.”

From Mixon: “I’m thankful Mia and I were able to talk privately. I was able to apologize to her one-on-one. The way I reacted that night, that’s not me. That’s not the way I was raised. I think she understands that.
Talking together helps move us past what happened. I know I have to keep working to be a better person, and this is another step in that direction. I love working with kids, and I’m looking forward to more chances to do that kind of work. I want to lead a life that inspires them, and I hope I can lead by example from today forward.”

The initial incident was awful. The apology was also accepted. I’m also not close enough to either Mixon or Molitor to gauge the depth of sincerity nor entirety of motive.

Note that Joe Mixon is considered one of the most skilled NFL prospects — possibly, even, talent-worthy of being drafted in the top five or ten. When he was finally selected by the Bengals in the mid-second round Friday night, many were outraged — as character-worthy, prompts the controversy.

If a person chooses to never cheer for Joe Mixon, they will find no active argument from the Intramuralist. If a person chooses to jeer, they will also find no argument. But if a person feels led to give a second chance to another — investing in him, walking alongside him, providing structure and discipline and helping him grow — you will also find no argument. A second chance is not a right, but it can be beautiful, contagious, and inspiring.

Hence, this isn’t about Joe Mixon, Amelia Molitor, the Bengals, or the NFL. The question is: when does a person deserve a second chance? Who gets to decide that? And is it ok that we will have different answers to that question?

When an athlete, celebrity, public servant, felon, or friend, does actually redeem themselves… when they do grow, change, repent, and become a positive influence… when a person or relationship is redeemed or restored… is that not most beautiful?

Tough, I know, as it only starts with a second chance and the specifics are hard. I just don’t want to miss wrestling with the underlying questions… those that affect us all.

Respectfully… always…
AR

Posted on

the itch

This has been a bit of a rough week on this semi-humble current events observer. With the house on the market, the need for extended single parenting, a sick kid, and all that accompanies a graduating senior this time of year, my week has been challenging. Hence, when an unexpected allergic reaction prompts hives on over 90% of one’s body, it can be arduous indeed. Yes, it itches all over; and yes, I won’t be taking any antibiotic containing sulfamethoxazole again any time soon.

Let me be frank in saying that while the Intramuralist has never shied from sharing a personal reaction to a current scenario — albeit respectfully, of course — sharing my personal reaction to bactrim seems a bit of a stretch…

… well, sort of…

Let’s go back to the itch.

I itch all over.

Let me say it another way. While there’s a ton going on all around me, a ton going on in this world today, a ton happening not just to me but to all those around me — people I know and people I don’t — I can’t think about them. All I can think about is how much I itch.

Remember that iconic “Friends” episode guest-starring Charlie Sheen? Sheen plays a military man on leave, eager to spend a passionate two weeks with his girl, Phoebe. As foreshadowed by the episode’s title, “The One with the Chicken Pox,” Phoebe has contacted the infectious disease, and it quickly spreads to Sheen as well. Ever insistent Monica mandates the two strap oven mitts to each hand, thereby making physical touching — and itching — impossible. When the afflicted are enthusiastically able to free themselves from Monica’s need to control the behavior of other people, all the passionate pair want to do is touch each other… that is, all they want to do is scratch. Their itch is pretty much all they can think about.

That, my friends, is how I feel today.

… again, well… sort of…

That is how I’m tempted to feel today.

I want to be totally transparent…

The itch is bad. It’s strong. I was forewarned by my wise medical professionals that it would take a while to resolve and in the meantime, I may be more irritable and hungry. It truly is hard for me to think more of anything or anyone else.

In other words, my itch is affecting my reaction to all that ton of activity going on around me. It’s affecting how I feel, think, and respond to other events, scenarios, people, etc. It’s affecting everything. I am totally tempted to see life through my itch. My sensitivities are exponentially heightened; my reactions are nothing short of instantaneous. I’m less gentle… less kind… less openminded… and less empathetic. I’m also more blunt… more passionate… more stubborn… and yes, more irritable.

One of the things I oft advocate is to step outside my circumstances long enough to gain an accurate perspective. In fact, perhaps one of the most sincere questions I humbly ask of another is whether we are allowing God to be defined by our circumstances — or are we stepping outside of our circumstances long enough, in order to see him first. In other words, how much are our circumstances affecting our perspective?

Right now, my circumstances justify a less kinder, more stubborn response. Let’s go farther… remove my circumstances from me… project them onto one of my children or onto another I love or hold dear. You can bet I will be just as “lesser”… that is, less gentle… less kind… less humble… etc. I can’t be as rational nor wise when I’m focused on the itch.

Man, I need to find those oven mitts. Maybe, too, I’ll go grab something to eat.

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

tribal mentality

One of my fair-minded, progressive friends has suggested for several years that we are witnessing the manifestation of a tribal mentality — groups banded together by belief or emotion that will squelch anything it perceives as a threat. They move as a group — as a “tribe,” so-to-speak — and survival of the tribe becomes what’s most important.

That means that objectivity, rational thinking, and relationship are each secondary to the survival of the tribe. “If you aren’t with us, you’re against us,” is the often vocalized clamor and adhered-to thinking. There thus exists a push to resist anything or anyone who thinks/feels/believes differently, suggesting that they are a threat to what is wisest or best.

That means, too, that empathy, compassion, and tolerance are also secondary. At best, each of those virtues is limited… “we can only relate to the likeminded… we will only have compassion for those who think like us.” Hence, some who proclaim to be the most tolerant blindly become intolerant in that they only accept those with similar beliefs. They are no longer willing to be challenged by thinking that is different.

Let me be clear with my concern… any ideology which diminishes objectivity, rational thinking, and relationship, cannot be wisest nor best.

I get concerned, no less, with the number of highly intelligent persons who so willingly accept said mentality. So many of my friends don’t think like me; in fact, last I looked on this planet, there is no one who thinks exactly like me (… although there is one fairly handsome, special needs teen who comes pretty close…). So why are we demanding like-thinking from others?

Have we equated different opinion as wrong?

Why do we see different opinion as a threat?

Why can we sometimes simply not allow different opinion to exist?

When collaborating with my fair-minded friend, together we recently wrestled with a few more, poignant conclusions…

  • When we are offended by other points of view, we can’t hold any meaningful dialogue…
  • When we refuse to see any other perspective as valid, we close our minds to reconciliation…
  • When we close our minds to reconciliation, we are blind to how beautiful and powerful reconciliation is…
  • When we hunker down in our so-called tribes, we have become the intolerant…
  • Silencing the opposition is a key part of the tribal mentality…
  • Silencing the opposition leads to tyranny…
  • Wisdom includes a respectful give and take…

I remember realizing several years ago that if I fly East or if I fly West, I will still eventually get to the same place. I can fly over the Atlantic or the Pacific Ocean, from Ohio to Bangladesh, and still arrive at the same place, at the same time.

But the challenge with the tribal mentality is that it has no tolerance for flying in any other direction than their own… “West is the only right way.”

That’s simply inaccurate…

East… West… we end up the same place… but only if we listen to and respect one another, especially those who think differently.

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

what’s positive?

Last post, we asked our audience: what is the biggest problem in today’s culture? With a plethora of responses, many responded with an answer related to personal responsibility, the ill effects of social media, declining moral/faith values, over-value of self and own opinions/wants/and needs, and some kind of “lack” — especially lack of education, reverence for God, and respect for one another.

I appreciate, too, the answers that filtered in thereafter, with one of the more poignant responses centering around how our culture treats those with unseen illness, specifically mentioning mental illness. From my limited perspective, there is no “side” that consistently treats those with mental illness or cognitive disability consistently well. Sometimes we as a culture can be quite judgmental of what we do not see… what we do not know… what we do not understand.

That said, we flipped the question for today’s dialogue. What do you think is the biggest positive regarding today’s culture?

Allow me a couple of acknowledgements prior to sharing the responses. As in our last post, I heard from many — and I heard from a diverse many… persons from varied age, stage, ethnicity, circumstance, political leaning, etc. I love that! … and I value it deeply. The same was again true. I also witnessed significant overlap within that diversity. I love that, too. Such tells me that we may not be as far apart or polarized as the supposed “sides” as some want us to believe we are in order to fulfill their own agenda.

However, I did find persons having a harder time vocalizing their opinion and doing so concisely. I have thus tried to group the responses and overlap, as possible. Here’s what people said: what do you think is the biggest positive regarding today’s culture?

  • Freedom (… answers included individual liberty, lifestyle, religion, from government, etc.)
  • Awareness (… much in regard to ongoings in the city, country, and world… as one person said it, “We are more globally connected to the struggles across the globe.”)
  • Speed of social awareness
  • Innovation
  • Technology
  • Social media (… answers centered around two primary aspects: one, the global awareness as above expressed; and two, the ability to maintain friendships regardless of geographic location…)
  • Ease of access to varied perspectives and points of view
  • Compassion
  • Generosity
  • Passion (… as opposed to apathy, that passion could lead to positive results, if used for good…)
  • Acceptance (… both of people and varying lifestyle…)
  • Openness
  • Tolerance (…not political…)
  • Improved opportunities (… especially for people that, in the past, would have been marginalized due to race, religion, or gender…)
  • Improved educational opportunity
  • The respect and voice women have (… said by an American currently living in foreign country…)
  • The youth
  • The number speak out for the voiceless, feed the hungry, take care of the poor and practice justice and mercy
  • That this culture is temporal — not eternal
  • God’s grace
  • God is not dead
  • God is working
  • God is still in control — in spite of us!

And there were several who added the following:
There are still good, kind and humble people in this world!

Hence, a couple concluding notes…

Just as we found when asking about the problems instead of the positives, there was no consistent pointing to a specific person or party. There were not these so-called political divides; the above answers came from persons who lean all over the place politically.

Also, with the exception of the social media responses (which, one will note, showed up as both a positive and a problem), as one participant shared, “A good number of the responses relate to problems that aren’t entirely new. It seems that many comment on the universal human condition — a condition that has existed for many years — and not solely the decline of American society in 2017.”

That should tell us something. That should stop some of the finger pointing. That should prompt us to increased empathy and forgiveness… and decreased selfishness and “sides.”

There is good in this world.

Respectfully…
AR

Posted on

what’s wrong?

In a very unscientific study, I asked a simple question regarding today’s culture. Fascinatingly, there seems significant belief that there is something wrong; however, there is also significant disagreement in regard to what that wrong actually is.

90 respondents offered various insight. I was struck by the overlap; many people shared similar answers. But the reality within the responses is that there are some eye-opening themes, beginning with some basics… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture? (Note that answers have been somewhat simplified and combined…)

  • Forgetting common courtesy
  • No more manners and patience
  • No kindness and humility
  • Entitlement (… even “in our youth,” said one, noting the infamous “participation trophy”…)
  • Expectation of immediate results; instant gratification
  • Denial of what is true
  • Hardheartedness
  • How political correctness inhibits teaching and truth
  • Little knowledge of history
  • The value of money being placed above that of humanity
  • Politics for profit
  • Polarization
  • Government dependency
  • Basic respect and appreciation of differences
  • Intolerance of different opinions
  • Ignorance disguised as confidence
  • The abandonment of “innocent until proven guilty”
  • Becoming a culture of entertainment rather than work

There is also significant concern about ethical activity… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture?

  • No common morality (no more right/wrong — do what feels right for you)
  • The erosion of any sense of moral standards
  • Fuzzy grey area being tolerated for everything

Many spoke about family and relationship… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture?

  • The breakdown of the family unit and prevalence of single parent households
  • Changed parenting expectations
  • Distracted parenting and distracted people (… usually via technology…)
  • The societal devaluation of God, life, and family
  • God being eliminated from everything
  • Not much emphasis on respect for another person/relationship
  • The way we interact with and treat each other
  • No grasp of authentic love (… without love, there is no discipline; without discipline, there is no respect…)
  • People no longer  take the time to truly understand a situation before they give their opinion

One surprising thing to me was the number of different ways respondents expressed concern about how we see ourselves… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture?

  • Selfishness
  • Self-righteousness
  • Self centeredness (… this idea that “your happiness is all that matters”…)
  • We actually believe the advertisers claim that “it’s all about you!”
  • A “me-centered” outlook
  • Self-love or self-worship
  • Putting self and things in a role only capable of being filled by God
  • Relativism or self-exultation (…thinking oneself is what matters most…)
  • People believing their opinions/wants/needs are more important than anyone else’s
  • Minimal concern for others (It’s all about a “me first” attitude anymore; driving, waiting in line, etc.)
  • Our human nature to focus only on “me”

Not to be outdone, many mentioned some aspect of media or news… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture?

  • Social media (… it creates many different problems… from bullying, to the “keeping up with the Jones’s” or the “grass is always greener” mentalities, to the hiding behind the computer and saying things you might not say to someone’s face.)
  • Too much social media, news & no privacy (Everyone is looking at everyone’s lives and not living their own.)
  • Sensationalism in the news and everyday life
  • The free flow of information — creating, unknowingly, a surface-level-only knowledge

Lastly, I was struck by the plethora of “lack’s” (some just as above, that have been combined, and that overlap with above topics)… what do you think is the biggest problem in today’s culture?

  • Lack of empathy
  • Lack of compassion for others
  • Lack of critical thinking
  • Lack of education
  • Lack of forgiveness
  • Lack of foundation on truth
  • Lack of commitment and loyalty
  • Lack of moral values and faith
  • Lack of reverence for God
  • Lack of knowledge/belief/honor/respect of God
  • Lack of decency and civility
  • Lack of personal responsibility
  • Lack of respect for the sanctity of human life (… including unborn, elderly, disabled, minority races…)
  • Lack of trust
  • Lack of tolerance
  • Lack of respect for other nationalities, religions, customs etc.
  • Lack of respect for our fellow man
  • Lack of self-awareness
  • Lack of perspective on how good a life we have and what we’re capable of accomplishing
  • Lack of thoughtfulness
  • Lack of accountability for one’s own actions
  • Lack of love — true love — wanting the “best” for another
  • Total lack of respect

That’s a lot of concern. Hence, allow me to conclude by sharing a single, brief reflection…

90 persons responded to my question. Of those 90 — people who hail from totally varied age, stage, circumstance, political leanings, etc. — there was much common ground and ample overlap. It thus seems to me that if we could somehow get past the age, stage, circumstance, political leanings stuff, then maybe, just maybe, we could start to wrestle with what’s actually wrong.

Respectfully… (yes, always…)
AR

Posted on

hacked

On Sunday, April 9th, CNN host and CBS correspondent Anderson Cooper presented the a piece on “60 Minutes” with the following lead in:

“What is ‘brain hacking’? Tech insiders on why you should care…”

In a culture that continues to buy into this idea that Facebook is somehow authentic conversation, Snapchat is an accurate picture of one’s life, and any of the above and other social media apps/sites qualify as any kind of listening or dialogue, we should care about “brain hacking.”

Cooper began: “Have you ever wondered if all those people you see staring intently at their smartphones — nearly everywhere, and at all times — are addicted to them? According to a former Google product manager you are about to hear from, Silicon Valley is engineering your phone, apps and social media to get you hooked. He is one of the few tech insiders to publicly acknowledge that the companies responsible for programming your phones are working hard to get you and your family to feel the need to check in constantly. Some programmers call it ‘brain hacking’ and the tech world would probably prefer you didn’t hear about it.”

Cooper proceeds to interview Tristan Harris, who according to CBS, “was living the Silicon Valley dream. He dropped out of a master’s program at Stanford University to start a software company. Four years later Google bought him out and hired him as a product manager. It was while working there he started to feel overwhelmed.”

Said Harris: “Honestly, I was just bombarded in email and calendar invitations and just the overload of what it’s like to work at a place like Google. And I was asking, ‘When is all of this adding up to, like, an actual benefit to my life?’ And I ended up making this presentation. It was kind of a manifesto. And it basically said, you know, ‘Look, never before in history have a handful of people at a handful of technology companies shaped how a billion people think and feel every day with the choices they make about these screens.’”

Harris put together a 144-page presentation for Google execs arguing that the constant distractions of apps and emails are “weakening our relationships to each other” and “destroying our kids ability to focus.” With little change, Harris decided to quit three years later.

Again, said Harris: “It’s not because anyone is evil or has bad intentions. It’s because the game is getting attention at all costs. And the problem is it becomes this race to the bottom of the brainstem, where if I go lower on the brainstem to get you, you know, using my product, I win. But it doesn’t end up in the world we want to live in. We don’t end up feeling good about how we’re using all this stuff.”

Tristan Harris says the only thing the apps and sites and their developers want is our attention. The longer they hold our attention, the more money they make. (Question: know why texts and Facebook use a continuous scroll? It’s a proven way to keep us searching longer.)

Note that as Cooper’s report continues, one psychologist says that the typical person checks their phone every 15 minutes or less — and — “half of the time they check their phone there is no alert, no notification.” We are checking into Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. We are checking in on — and investing in — things that are not people.

Let me attempt to be more clear…

We are spending more and more time on our apps. We are often using them to connect with other people, thus potentially investing in relationship.

However, we are mistaking these connections for authentic communication.

We are mistaking status updates and opinion sharing as good, give-and-take dialogue.

And thus, we are mistaking social media for being a solid investment in other people.

Seems like we are doing a lot of mistaking.

As the tech industry prioritizes grabbing our attention, the reality is that such will pull our attention away from someone or something else. Hence, it’s not only our brains which are being hacked; it’s our relationships, too.

Respectfully…
AR

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what I think about today

For a few select years, this semi-humble parent took time out to homeschool two of her three children. It was no intended disrespect of any of the excellent educators in our community, nor was our family any less involved; we love our local schools and will always support them. This was simply a choice that for two of our three kids, for those few, specifically selected years, a more targeted one-on-one educational approach would be fruitful. Socialization was never an issue (… and no, with all due respect to my homeschool family friends, I never wore a denim skirt nor some sort of bun in my hair).

One of the educational units we most enjoyed during those years was the study of world religion; it was fascinating! While some have opted for religion being on the short list of things people don’t talk about, I felt it was wise and appropriate for my children to understand the interworking of each major faith…

… what is the origin?
… who was the founder?
… are people encouraged to worship God or worship man?
… what is the primary doctrine?
… what are the primary behavioral components?
… where has the information come from?
… how do we know if it’s true?
… what parts are hard? … and if so, why? … because they don’t make sense or because of any stubbornness or unwillingness on my part to understand and attempt to comply?
… how through the centuries, has its prophecy proven true?
… what seems based merely on human thinking?

Such is a fascinating study. And while I believe that true religion must fully affect a person’s head, heart, and feet (meaning it needs to make sense, spur us on to love other people well, and then put our feet into motion/service), that study gave us excellent head knowledge.

For example, did you know that the Jehovah Witnesses teach that only 144,000 people will go to heaven? (… someone might want to review those odds with their 3.5 million members…)

… or that Scientology, founded by L. Ron Hubbard, teaches that 75 million years ago, an evil leader called Xenu decided to eliminate the excess population from a galactic confederacy, tricking billions of people and then exporting them to Earth? (… note that Hubbard was a career science fiction writer… shocking…).

All that to say that it is an entirely false statement to say that all religions are equally good, true, and right. That is simply untrue.

One of the aspects, no less, that fascinated my boys and I, as we took advantage of the opportunity to learn together some dozen years ago, was that as we studied the world’s religions, only one teaches about a central figure who died and came back to life. The bodies of all other founders and leaders of the world’s religions remain dead and decaying in a tomb somewhere.

Let me not be callous nor disrespectful. Such is not my intent.

My intent is simply to share that the resurrection of Jesus Christ is the one aspect of Christianity my boys and I could never shake. We could never quit thinking about how it’s the one aspect that differentiates Christ from the leaders of all other faiths and ideologies.

I am not saying that all parts of Christianity are easy for me; they’re not. But on Easter Sunday, the day the world remembers that radical, unparalleled-by-any resurrection, I must pause. I pause asking myself what I believe and why… where am I right? … where am I wrong? … and for me, where has my own stubbornness and unwillingness gotten in the way?

I think of the resurrection this day.

Respectfully… always…
AR