Time to be real, friends. This election season is hard for many. It’s tough. While peace is a wonderful thing to possess, for many, that peace seems dependent on the election’s outcome.
All should feel great grace being where they are, feeling what they do in regard to the current political state. As has been stated here multiple times, it is not any of our jobs — nor are we capable — to play someone else’s Holy Spirit. We are not each other’s convicter of truth.
I think on some level, we get that. We know that people think differently, and we often hear the acknowledgement, something along the lines of “I have no idea how a person could think that way.”
So let’s make it a little more pointed and pertinent to the moment at hand…
“I have no idea how a person could vote for that way.” Or… “I have no idea how they could vote for them.”
And that may indeed be a valid, well-founded statement. It makes total sense that we wouldn’t understand someone who has come to a completely different conclusion than we.
Here then is where wisdom implores us to be careful. Especially now.
Our lack of understanding of another is exactly that — we not getting it… we not seeing how… we not comprehending why another doesn’t conclude or react the exact same as we. Note who the subject of those sentences is: we.
In other words, our lack of understanding of another is no referendum on them; it instead reveals we have work to do if we wish to empathize.
Know what the opposite of empathy is?
As encouraged via Dr. Brené Brown, the opposite of empathy is shame. Shame is a destructive form of judgment. According to Brown, the goal is to make another feel unworthy, fundamentally flawed, and not good enough as a person. And right now, in this season of political pins and needles, there are a lot of people who are choosing to handle their lack of peace by shaming others.
Friends, with absolutely all due respect, that is an awful thing to do.
We’ve all seen it — the lashing out… how dare you… so cowardly… I will hold you responsible…
Or one that always causes me to pause: “There’s only one right choice.”
No, that would more accurately read, “There’s only one right choice I understand.”
Truthfully, friends, I understand it; to react with shame and judgment is easier than doing the long, hard work to understand the different. It is not easy, and sometimes you can do all that work and still not understand. But last I knew, none of us have cornered the market on morality. And there are enough nicks and flaws and missteps and lies and cover-ups and inconsistencies and shady associations in the candidates (and us) that prompt varying question and concern — so much so that reasonable people can absolutely come to different conclusions. The different in another is not evidence of evil, ignorance or wrongdoing. They have perceived or prioritized something different than we.
The wisest among us, therefore, would retreat to a humble position seeking to understand, rather than a boastful perch waiting to pounce. There is no place for shame in a society that truly desires to honor all people, treating them equally.
This close to the election, my sense, too, is that the shaming is a futile tactic. Last week, in fact, I sat one-on-one with three truly undecideds. They have varying questions and concerns. They have also heard the shame. Let me simply add that it’s very clear the shame isn’t having the desired impact.
Better and wiser would be to lead with respect. Seeking to understand. Always.
Respectfully…
AR