and the winner is…

Let’s see if this works (… ahem… forgive me now…).

In light of the subjectivity that many believe exists within the award distribution by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I thought, perhaps, we could creatively combine a topic or two and come up with our own semi-sarcastic list. Hence, with all due respect and my tongue buried somewhere deep within my cheek… we whimsically submit… “and the winner is…”

Achievement in Sound Editing: It’s a TIE — between VP Joe Biden and former Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Biden was easily in the lead, but the Mayor has come on strong in recent weeks. Both nominees seem in need of frequent bleeps, editing out how they really feel.

Best Foreign Language Film: Every foreign film wins except for anything created by ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, or any other radical, Islamic terrorist group  (Note: their films are not worth watching).

Best Actress: Hillary Clinton. Sorry, but there’s a reason we have not seen nor heard from this presumed, inevitable nominee for months. She’s polishing herself, making sure she both looks and sounds presidential — re-crafting her brand, so-to-speak. Also no doubt, she wants to ensure she doesn’t compete with Joe and Rudy and their bleeps above… at least any time in the near future.

Best Actor: Sen. Rand Paul. This was perhaps our toughest decision, as we have a full slate of nominees in this category; multiple persons are running for the presidency, and yet they continue to act as if they are not. Well done. Great acting. (Note: honorable mention goes to NBC’s Brian Williams.)

Best Director: Not sure who wins here, but it’s certainly not FBI Director James B. Comey. The most senior American official in charge of directing our attacks against terrorism was not invited to last week’s official “Summit on Violent Extremism.” As said by the New York Times, “The omission of Mr. Comey adds further uncertainty over who in the government is in charge of the anti-extremist effort.” (Hence, we will currently forgo this title.)

Best Supporting Actress: Marie Harf. This nominee (also known as a State Dept. spokesman) found herself attempting to support a self-described, “too-nuanced”-for-some rhetoric that suggested a “lack of opportunity for jobs” is a root cause for the current terrorism crisis.

Best Supporting Actor: White House Press Sec. Josh Earnest. Day after day, this person stands before the press, taking questions, acting as if he or she represents the most effective, ethical, transparent, and wisest administration that has ever existed (… is there a tougher job than this? … for any press secretary?).

Best Picture: When I think of the winner of this award, I think of those images that moved us or made us think. The pictures don’t always make us feel good, but they do change how we feel — creations such as “Braveheart,” “Gladiator,” and “Slumdog Millionaire.” This year the picture that has most made me think is the still shot of those 21 Egyptian Christians led slowly, but methodically up the shore to their eventual beheading by the radical Islamic terrorists. I will not be able to erase that memory any time soon. That picture changes us.

And a final category… (a little lighter…)

Best Original Song: (It’s a year old, but still appropriate…) Disney’s Frozen’s “Let It Go.” We could all “let it go” a little more often… letting go of disrespect… letting go of any stubborn, superior opinion… letting go of even semi-sarcastic awards…

Respectfully…

AR