Conflict is inevitable.
If you disagree, flip through Facebook, turn on the news, or ask anyone how they feel about a Clinton, Kardashian, or current, hot-button social issue. Geeeeesh.
We unfortunately live in a world full of conflict; it’s all around us… from all the partisan and social sites, where people generously proclaim how right they are and how wrong is another… where even the brightest among us forbiddingly call out others… It’s seemingly the current day manifestation of Dan Ackroyd and Jane Curtain’s iconic SNL “Point/Counterpoint” skit — just in a far less funny form.
Conflict is all around us.
Unfortunately, no less, we also often contribute to the discord. Sometimes we’re even responsible. Speaking solely for self — I must admit — sometimes I am part of the problem.
I have concluded that this yucky conflict stuff is thus unavoidable. As much as we may attempt to fast from social media and all the contemporary crud that fills the evening news flow, I don’t believe that conflict can be avoided. It isn’t always only witnessed on our computer screens; sometimes it hits closer to home; sometimes, in fact, it actually hits in our home.
I’ve been wrestling with now to navigate through conflict wisely — and how resolution can indeed occur.
Where do we start?
Part of the challenge is that we sometimes start by thinking, “maybe, if I just voice my opinion a little louder, the other person will finally understand”… as if we merely didn’t voice our opinion loud enough the first time.
(I’ve yet to meet a single person for whom that’s been effective.)
Still more of the challenge is that we sometimes start by thinking we can remedy the problem if we become firmer or sterner or lay down the heavy hand… “I’ll show him who’s boss. Does he not know who I am?!”…
(Again, not an effective conflict resolution tool.)
For years I’ve read the books of Carnegie and Covey, scouring the pages for the most efficacious remedy. Their words are wise…
“Seek first to understand — then to be understood.”
“Try to build bridges of understanding.”
“Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument?”
“To solve our most difficult problems we must radically change our thinking.”
“Think Win-Win… look for the best outcome for all involved.”
I think each of those is excellent… understanding, forgiveness, empathy, respect…
But I also believe each begins from an initial position of brokenness — that humble, contagious, contrition… a contrition that’s born out of humility… a contrition that starts with self… a contrition that starts with “me.”
While it’s true that we don’t have to attend every argument we’re invited to, we cannot avoid conflict. We do, though, need to learn to respond more wisely — and thus, more effectively.
Respectfully…
AR
Thought-provoking and introspective. Good combo.
It would also help if we all knew we can disagree without being disagreeable.
Perhaps, if we thought more thoroughly about how we respond to people and the information we receive, leaving out our perceptions, our response, even in disagreement, might be kinder and received differently. Conflict can be internal, when we have preconceived opinions about the source of information, it leads us directly to conflict, in our mind, even before we seek to understand the information given. In short, we discount the source, before we have heard or understood the information. Thus, we tend to “call people out ” and they do not understand why…the “I gotch-ya moment”. What is the point? How does that resolve conflict? What does that communicate to other party? I contend that it only stimulates the conflict making resolution much more difficult to attain. I agree, being wise (respectful) with our words is the key to reducing conflict and increasing more effective communication.