intramuralist ™ – Page 140 – A Respectful Dialogue of Current Events

09/04/2014

oh mighty isis

So once again, this week the world witnessed the gruesome beheading of an American journalist via terrorists’ heinous hands. Let me humbly share a limited listing of what we know for certain about the deteriorating situation… and what we do not know. First… what we know…

ISIS, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria — the terrorist group responsible for the deaths of journalists James Foley and Steven Sotloff — was formed out of an al-Qaeda affiliate in Iraq, with its origin traced back to the Second Gulf War in 2003. It was originally known as the Islamic State of Iraq (ISI) and then ISIS or ISIL. ISIL refers to the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant — the Levant equating to the Eastern Mediterranean border region, which consists of Cyprus, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Palestine, and part of southern Turkey.

The group has declared themselves a “caliphate,” an Islamic state led by a supreme religious and political leader known as a caliph – or a “successor” – to Muhammad. They thus claim religious authority over all Muslims in the world. Their stated goal is to bring other Muslim-inhabited regions under their political control.

ISIS has also declared that the caliphate is established “for the purpose of compelling the people to do what the Sharia (Allah’s law) requires of them.” That means that anyone who does not believe in ISIS’s interpretation of Islam must either convert or die.

They currently hold territory in both Syria and Iraq. With Syria divided by civil war since the spring of 2011, ISIS has capitalized by seizing significant territory — possibly up to half of Syria — and half of Iraq, too, as stated yesterday by Defense Sec. Chuck Hagel.

The group is violent — some say barbaric. As stated in August by United Nations representatives, “We are gravely concerned by continued reports of acts of violence, including sexual violence against women and teenage girls and boys belonging to Iraqi minorities. Atrocious accounts of abduction and detention of Yazidi, Christian, as well as Turkomen and Shabak women, girls and boys, and reports of savage rapes, are reaching us in an alarming manner.”

There is increasing significant concern that ISIS will attempt to attack America. A spokesman said last month that “we will raise the flag of Allah in the White House.” Many believe ISIS is more dangerous than al-Qaeda.

Also, in an email to the parents of executed journalist Foley, ISIS said it was acting “as a DIRECT result of your [America’s] transgressions towards us!” They added: “WE WILL NOT STOP UNTILL WE QUENCH OUR THIRST FOR YOUR BLOOD.”

Now… what we don’t know…

We don’t know how the pulling of American troops from Iraq specifically impacted ISIS’s rise to power.

We don’t know if Pres. Obama is intentionally cautious or strategically confused in his response (…partisans will disagree, of course, embracing the art of averring judgment calls with certainty).

We also don’t know when ISIS will gruesomely strike again.

So allow me 3 more things that I believe we should know:

(1) Evil is alive and well on planet Earth.

(2) Negotiating with evil never solves the problem.

And (3) prayer would be wise… prayers for wisdom for the world’s leaders… for protection of those in ISIS’s path… and for the rooting out of such obvious, gut-wrenching evil.

Respectfully…

[Intramuralist Note: sources utilized for the above facts include CBS News, The Christian Post, CNN, NBC News, and Wikipedia.]

09/02/201409/02/2014

what’s bigger

This past weekend I had the privilege to gather with several members of my family. There were 27 of us.

It was full of feasting and joy and precious both one-on-one and large group time. We laughed and cried and were both silly and serious. There were ample antics and fun and adult conversation. There was insightful conversation with those teens and ‘tweens and twenty-somethings, each who seems growing up far too fast. It was a wonderful weekend.

I haven’t always thought every weekend was so wonderful. I will admit to taking some days for granted. I will admit to sometimes taking life for granted. I will admit to often having fallen prey to focusing on the minute as opposed to what’s bigger. I will admit to sometimes allowing the proverbial “elephant in the room” to gain a life of its own. Sometimes I have focused on the less important.

I think as a culture we do that frequently; we focus on the less important. We seem to justify the focus, giving it life, supplementing its energy, allowing emotion and passion and anger and empathy to fuel what once was small, thus seemingly snowballing issues and irritants in size to then appear — yes, appear — as something they are not… something other than the less important.

Look around the world…

Look in Ferguson, Missouri.

Look on the streets of Jerusalem.

Look in Washington, D.C. (… ok… try not to look too hard…).

Look on Facebook.

Maybe even look around your living room.

Look at all the places we justify irritation and offense — where we justify the withholding of love, truth, and respect. Look at all the places where we’re so zeroed in on the plank in another’s eye… often so ignorant of our own.

This past year my sister was surprisingly, shockingly diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer (… sorry… if that’s a proper noun, I refuse to capitalize it; it doesn’t deserve it). It came as news out of nowhere. She is 34.

For years we have all gathered over Labor Day weekend. And while we’re always thankful to be together, let me just say that this year, we were thankful a little more.

When you’re focused on the big picture, it’s a whole lot easier to let bygones be bygones… to let the little things remain little things… to not let petty, earthly irritants seduce any more attention than they deserve… and to not feed nor fuel that which is so obviously less important.

It’s easier to thank God for the sunset and appreciate the rain. It’s easier to care for the crying babe and withhold all judgment. It’s easier to be generous in our love, mercy, and grace.

While I would wish my sister’s circumstances on no one, I am thankful for how because of her situation — and because of her amazing, humbling, faithful, positive attitude — we are learning how to love our family. I am thankful for the focus on what’s most important.

This past weekend I had the privilege to gather with several members of my family. There were 27 of us. It was a wonderful weekend.

Respectfully…

08/30/201408/30/2014

let’s talk

After multiple insights, expressions, opinions, and articulations… silliness, seriousness, sincerity, and sarcasm… stories of triumph, struggle, heartache, and hope… let me say one thing: I’m back!

It is with great joy, my friends, that I pick up my metaphorical pen, resuming our respectful dialogue of current events. I believe that respectful dialogue makes a difference. I believe we can learn and solve when we listen well. I believe much of the world — many of whom are highly intelligent (and even elected) — do not practice respectful dialogue (… and we wonder why they rarely seem to craft effective solution).

Each year, when we feature our summer Guest Writer Series, we are practicing what we preach, so-to-speak. Multiple persons from multiple bents express perspective that perhaps we do or do not share. We can learn from them… as long, of course, as the conversation is respectful, even amidst disagreement.

Over the past three weeks, we’ve heard from many… from an author to a state senator to a food bank director… from a retired teacher to a current teacher to a young man living overseas… from a college kid to a stay-at-home mom to a career pastor… from a psychologist to a nonprofit director to a realtor, filmmaker, and wise new grandma.

We’ve heard about much… from news sources to sorrows to everyone needing a superhero… from television to gender identity to the unscrupulous activity of the IRS. The bottom line is that we’ve listened. And unlike far too many who take oaths to represent us, we realize that we learn from listening. The purpose of the Guest Writer Series — in addition to an intentional refreshing and refocusing for this semi-humble blogger — is to model the Intramuralist mantra.

There is thus much more I’m eager to talk about! …

I want to talk about Ferguson, Missouri… what happened there… and how so many reacted wisely and poorly… how so many keep reacting — and feel justified — without knowing all the facts…

I want to talk about the situation in Syria and Iraq… how religious minorities are being hunted, tortured, and persecuted. What are we doing? … is there a measurable strategy? … why not?

I want to talk about James Foley, the American who was beheaded by the Islamic terrorists. There was outrage, yes… shock, too… but will the outrage last?

I want to talk about the college football captain who was hurt last weekend, heroically jumping off a balcony to save his 7 year old nephew, who was supposedly struggling in the swimming pool… “I would do it again for whatever kid it was”… and now it turns out it was all a lie… why did he lie? … why do people in leadership sometimes lie?

I want to talk about atheist Richard Dawkins, who said that it’s “immoral” not to abort a baby with Down syndrome. I want to again discuss how intelligence and wisdom are not the same thing.

I want to talk about a lot of things… what we learn from the younger generation… what our kids keep teaching us… the lack of wisdom in the world… the digression… the authentic sources of hope… the insights, encouragements, dangers, and even opportunities for abundant sarcasm!

Fire up! It’s going to be a fun, insightful season… starting now.

Respectfully…

08/28/2014

crossing my own bridge

I have an incredible fear of bridges. It’s not the getting on or reaching the other side. It’s the trusting that the bridge has the ability and strength to withstand the weight in the middle. I suffered a major anxiety attack a couple of years ago while having to drive over the Bay Bridge, which connects San Francisco and Oakland, California. I was not familiar with San Francisco territory or traffic, and I had to do the driving as my husband, contentedly sitting in the passenger seat next to me, was on a very intense conference call with Australia. I remember streams of tears rolling down my face as I crept onto the bridge; absolutely terrified of seeing what lie ahead of me as well as the water that rippled below me.

I suddenly realized I needed to turn the internal faucet off (my personal water works system) or else I would not even be able to see to attack this monster. I was nearly paralyzed yet had no choice but to continue on. I was expecting other cars to honk and drivers to holler at me because I simply could not drive as fast as they in effort to get to the other side. I was discouraged and petrified at the fact that I was failing to get control of myself as my hands and feet started going numb at the halfway point. Facing this momentary adversity was going to be my demise! I had to hold it together, but I was literally crumbling inside! I couldn’t share what I was experiencing to my inaccessible husband — nor did I want him to see me in a bug-eyed “freaky girl” panic mode to make him question, “Is this the hot mess I married?” I felt utterly hopeless and helpless.

There I was stuck in the absolute center of the bridge… no helicopter to lower a rope and magically lift me out of my despair… no caped superhero to heed my cry and swoop down to save me and my knight in shining amour immersed in closing a deal… no chance at all that I could just call it a day and give up. I HAD TO KEEP GOING IF I WANTED OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER TO SURVIVE MY DAUNTING TASK OF SURVIVAL!

And of course about ¾ of the way over this bridge, I start having thoughts: what if a sudden earthquake? What if someone is speeding and rams into me sending us flying over the edge? What if there is a traffic jam and we could be stuck for eternity? What if one of the wires or beams was on its last thread? What if all the above started happening all at the same time? Unrealistic thoughts became a reality that could happen at any second. After all, tragedy of all these types have really happened in history — could happen today too, right? This bridge, this day, this car, this driver…DOOM!!! My future seemed delusionally bleak and coming to a close.

Being blinded by my panic up to this point, it suddenly dawned on me that while all this is DE-concentrating the faith in myself to continue, I see the other side of the bridge the entire time! So I start telling myself, “You’re dumb!” “Major Wuss!” And not only do I see it, I’m driving closer, closer to the safe landing — my destination to regain inner peace, trusted footing, a positive glimmer that I could be victorious in defeating this colossal giant. I’m closer to tomorrow because now I can see the hope of making it across. As I arrived at my destination safe and sound and unharmed (other than the painful un-prying of my fingers that dug into the steering wheel) I feel overwhelming exhilaration. I wanted to pull over, put the car in park, step on solid ground, and with arms extended high, yell, “I did it! There’s hope for me yet!” What ultimately kept me from doing that is I strongly believe my husband would have me seek counseling when we returned home, and my adrenaline in overdrive made me seeking the closest restroom (go figure).

(*** time to be transparent) I share that with you because it helps me recognize that there are so many times in life that we experience trouble. Trouble that sometimes creeps in and up on us out of the blue, lasting a few moments and at other times trouble that has potential to be life-lasting. And in all honesty, it doesn’t matter whether this trickling of trouble was begat by us, poured on us by others, or what tsunami of disturbance life has shuffled, reshuffled and slammed into us. Let’s face it. It’s gonna’ happen. We can all agree that life on this Earth does not contain an insurance plan for easy answers, simple resolve, or living on winged foot. Going a layer deeper begs the question, “What do we do with our trouble?” We can either fix it or we can learn to accept what cannot be repaired. Those are the options. **Notice that giving up is not on the list of acceptable options? (you did see that, right?)

I mentioned in my story that the scariest part is wondering if there is strength enough to withstand the weight in the middle — in other words, the piles of stuff that continue to go on in our lives. Well, to put it plainly, life is the ‘middle stuff’. And in order to cross that bridge, I could NOT let my trust of the other side being there to dwindle — nor did I want myself to become too weak to conquer what lie before me even if the other side was in my view. Dynamics and logistics of what life brings often fog up or even blind our emotional vision to clearly see what’s on the other side of the bridge. It doesn’t mean that it’s not there. IT IS THERE! It’s only when we start believing that it’s not there, that hopelessness creeps up and moves in. And when that happens, everything gets skewed. Just like my bridge trauma, the other side was there all time… I was hoping for something that my eyes could physically see, yet in my dark pit of desperation, my mental and emotional “eyes” had blinded me from seeing what was really right in front of me all along…HOPE.

Respectfully…

08/26/201408/26/2014

bucket filling

Many years ago I was privileged to sit in the classroom of an outstanding professor at Butler University. I admit it was an unexpected path that brought me there. My life plan had been un-expectantly turned upside down and inside out…a roller coaster ride, if you will, though I had not purchased a ticket. I was in a state of turmoil with few resources, but much responsibility. Fortunately, wise counsel and helping hands insisted…well, actually “pushed” is a better word… that I go back to grad school to make myself more eligible for career re-entry.

So with battered self-esteem, I did so and fortunately into an education class. This professor made his class not just about methods, psychology, curriculum, but also about real life. Little did I know how much his instruction would influence my career, but also my life. His insights were a tool, not only taught, but practiced by him, and I felt he was speaking to me and my wounded spirit. His wisdoms were useful, encouraging, and healing, not just for the classroom to which I would eventually return, but for every day-to-day encounters then and now.

Dr. D. said we all carry with us an imaginary bucket and that in every encounter be it at home, work, play, street, café, or wherever, we will either take something out of that bucket, or we will put something into that bucket. A frown, a casual ignoring, a demeaning or critical remark…these all take something out of that bucket. However, a personal greeting, a sincere smile, a meaningful compliment, a sharing of mind-expanding ideas… these all put something into that bucket. And if we are alert and sensitive enough to observe the response, it is easy to know which we have done. We also know what someone has done to our own bucket by the feelings generated from the “take-out” or the “put-in.”

Consider what a difference it would make if we would be more about bucket-filling… (even to those who seem to derive pleasure from “take-outs.”) Yes, it is easier to take things out, but the contrast in impact is major. Every day in every encounter, we have this opportunity, this choice, and what we choose to do is really a reflection of our character. Would we visualize the buckets others carry and seek to put something in them… and interestingly, in the process our own bucket gets filled as well.

So thanks, Intramuralist… you know all about filling buckets… including mine.

Respectfully…

DWL

08/24/201408/24/2014

why every american should care

“The IRS is not targeting conservative groups.”

There is “not even a smidgeon of corruption” at the IRS.

Two “rogue” employees in the Cincinnati office were principally responsible for the “overly aggressive” handling of requests by conservative groups for tax-exempt status.

The IRS is “apologetic” for the “absolutely inappropriate” actions by these lower-level workers.

“The inappropriate screening was both broader and longer-lasting than had previously been known.”

“I have been advised by my counsel to assert my Constitutional right not to testify or answer questions related to the subject matter of this hearing.”

“Will you provide all of Lois Lerner’s emails?”

“Yes.”

“Ms. Lerner’s computer crashed in mid-2011. Ms. Lerner’s email…would have been lost…and could not be recovered.”

We are being told lies. It’s not that hard to figure out why. And every American should care.

A short summary: it has been discovered that the IRS was targeting conservative groups that were applying for tax-exempt status for discriminatory scrutiny. The IRS originally blamed these actions on a few individuals in a regional office. The investigation has since risen to the top of the IRS. On June 3, 2011, the Chair of the House Ways and Means Committee wrote the Commissioner on an issue related to tax-exempt organizations. That Commissioner has since resigned. The investigation eventually encircled Lois Lerner, Director of the IRS Exempt Organizations Office. While claiming to have done nothing wrong, Ms. Lerner has taken the Fifth Amendment before Congress.

Since she would not testify, Congress subpoenaed her emails. The IRS provided 67,000 of them, but surprisingly few from January 2009 to April 2011. The new Commissioner was brought before Congress to ask why, and he promised to provide all the emails. Only after that, and we’re now in 2014, were we told that Lerner’s hard drive crashed, and her email from that time period had been lost. The date of the alleged crash? June 13, 2011, just 10 days after receiving the letter from House Ways and Means.

Any IT professional knows this is a bald-faced lie. Emails are not stored only on hard drives. They are stored on bigger computers called servers from which your email is sent to the servers of the people you are emailing. In fact, the recommendation when you use Microsoft Exchange, the most popular messaging system in the world, is that you utilize three servers, each with a redundant copy of your database, any of which could be used to restore the entire system in case any one of them crashes. Have we ever known the government to be less redundant than the rest of the world?

Then there is the issue of backups. All professional organizations back their servers up on tapes. If the server dies – that being if all three servers die – then you can restore the system to some previous state using a tape backup.

But the IRS claims it only has backups going back 6 months. That is ludicrous. This is the organization that requires every American to produce the tiniest tax-related document going back 3-7 years, but they only keep their records for 6 months?

Sarbanes-Oxley regulations require public corporations to retain their email data for 5 years, and the IRS’ own manual says email should be permanently backed up. Congress sent the new head of the IRS back to look for the missing emails, with instructions to search for them on the recipients’ computers. You know what they came back with? There were more computer crashes, pretty much everyone that Lois Lerner may have emailed, a number “less than 20.” I can just hear the suit who came up with that one. “This lie is working, so let’s go back and tell it again.” We are supposed to believe that not only did lightening strike twice, it struck 20 times.

There is no question we are being told lies. Ridiculously so. Like everybody knows we’re lying, but we’re going to keep on lying. So the question becomes, why carry on the charade?

I can promise you this: if it were really the work of two low-level staffers in Cincinnati, they’d have been hung out to dry long ago. If this were Lois Lerner’s doing, so what, sell her down the river, so sorry, goodbye, and this is over. But they haven’t done that. They look like fools. So whom are they protecting?

As it turns out, that’s not a very hard question to answer. The head of the IRS who resigned when this scandal broke visited the White House 157 times. The woman who ran the office that oversaw tax-exempt organizations visited 165 times. (Perhaps not coincidentally, she received $103,390 in bonuses and was promoted to run Obamacare.)

By comparison, Presidential right hand Eric Holder has visited the White House 62 times. And Mark Everson, who ran the IRS from 2003-2007, visited the Bush White House one single time.

The cover story is now that these people were at the White House to discuss Obamacare. But when the former Commissioner was asked before Congress why he visited so many times, he offered an Easter egg hunt, questions about tax policy, the departmental budget, and helping the Department of Education streamline applications for financial aid.

Ahem. No mention of Obamacare.

Rest assured, if this were the work of some White House staffer, they would be fired and blamed for everything. But no one has gone down for this. Why not?

The inescapable conclusion is that this goes all the way to the top.

Why should we care? Because this is the engine of government, a government that is supposed to be of the people, by the people, and for the people, turned against the people. Perhaps you oppose conservative groups. But if the current administration can get away with this, the next administration could fashion government authority as a weapon against left-wing, pro-choice, and gay-rights groups. I staunchly disagree with each of those causes, but I will defend to my death their rights to exist, to assemble peaceably, and to speak freely.

In fact, our forefathers did just that, gave their lives to overthrow a regime that used the powers of government to oppress its citizens. It was called the British Empire, and it’s why we fought the American Revolution. Their First Amendment to our Constitution was the right to free speech, given to all, regardless of whether you agree with the majority or with the government. It is the suppression of that right by the people sworn to protect our rights that is why every American should care about what’s happening at the IRS.

Respectfully…

MPM

08/21/2014

advice from a crazy family

Are they all yours? Don’t you know what caused that? You must have your hands full. I can’t imagine your grocery bill. How are you paying for college? Aren’t you glad you have boys so you don’t pay for weddings?

These are just a few of the questions and comments my family receives on a regular basis and has for the last 12 years. It seems people could accept us having 4 kids, but after that people assumed my man and I had moved from normal to crazy town. Let me introduce my crazy family. My man and I have been best friends for 20 years and married for 18. We are a family of 6 fully biologically related brothers (ages 17, 15, 13, 12, 11 and 9) with a sister and another brother thrown in the mix. We call these extra kids our “hyphen kids.” Why would we add more to our rowdy and always hungry mix? They hold a special place in our hearts, and yes, they have families of their own, but we feel God opened a spot in our family for them. They may or may not be sleeping, eating or anything else on a regular basis in our home, but they know our house is their home base and they’re welcome day or night.

When the boys were little we tried to really stress that God had put them all in a family for a purpose. We wanted them to grow and know no matter what, your brothers deep down are your best friends and they always have your back. We came up with the phrase “brother in time of need” (from Proverbs). A friend is a friend, but a brother is there in time of need. We taught them this by wrestling, because it was a simple lesson in physical dominance; when a brother is in need, they can call all brothers. All Wahl boys drop what they’re doing and come to the aide of the brother in need. We wanted them to learn this early, so as an adult, when they come upon a time in need, it will be only a call away. Recently, my brother ran into some bad times, and when my man and I were spending some crazy long nights with my brother, our boys asked what we were doing. Our answer was: “he’s in time of need.” They totally understood what we meant and what he needed. It was a very good parenting moment. They are few and far between, but that was a good one.

Another question I get is: how do you feed all those boys? I must confess I was a horrible cook when we first got married, but the more mouths we had, the more I learned, and the better it has gotten. Our boys for the most part are athletes, which means I try to give them good carb/protein combos and not to much junky processed food. I am a frequent baker — because we are a house full of sweets eaters — and baking is a calming process for me. I try to cook dinners with veggies and lean proteins, but that doesn’t always happen. To be honest, cereal is dinner some nights. My man once went to a seminar where the speaker said, “You’re going to cheat someone/something, and it’s a choice you must make on what to cheat.” I choose to cheat on entertainment or some creature comforts to have healthier food choices. Another choice I try to make consistently is packing our lunch on long game days rather than buying from the concession stand or even a restaurant. We played 10 games this week alone, so eating out is an expensive and unhealthy alternative to planning ahead and packing coolers.

Laundry is yet another issue I get lots of other moms asking about. I have had “Mount Wahl” of laundry at my house many times over the years. Let me encourage you to conquer it and move onto a method I use now… Each person has one basket. That’s it: one basket. Your dirty clothes go in, go through the wash/dry cycle, and go back in the basket and to your room to be put away. No baskets of socks, or wondering if thats clean or dirty laundry. I know it seems like more baskets would be more organized, but trust me; it’s not. I have one basket for each of us, a basket for towels that lives in the hallway, and a basket for uniforms. I can do my family of 8-10 people’s laundry in one day if I follow this method. It’s easy to get lazy and let it pile up, but be nice to yourself and keep up on the basket method, and there will be no mountain of laundry to dread.

Respect, love, and affection are major issues for us. Our goal in parenting was to raise kids that other adults enjoy being around. I feel one way we try to teach that is when a visitor/family member/friend/stranger walks into our home, we all stop what we’re doing and say hello. Affection is a biggie for me. I want to teach them affection has appropriate times and amounts. A hug, kiss on cheek, handshake all are good affections; however, I want to teach them that lingering affections can lead to inappropriate relationships. I’m not sure they can relate the adult/kid relationship affections to their peer relationship and affections, but I pray they do.

Ok, friends if you hear nothing at all, please hear this. I know it feels like when they’re little that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Not only is there light, but hopefully you’ll arrive there holding hands with the one you love. Enjoy the noise, the mess, the nights up with a cranky baby, the endless stories they want read. Those times go by so quickly. Trust me, I know it’s easy to be busy; take the time to go on a date with your man. How awesome is it that you can be married to your best friend! Your kids are important but they have their own life and path to follow. Don’t focus on your kids so much that your man becomes a second thought. He is who will be around, once your kids fly into their own lives. I pray this encourages all you weary moms, super busy moms, or anyone else who needs it. Until next time…

Respectfully…

Mama Wahl

08/19/2014

got sorrows?

Throat tight, fiercely pounding heart throbs in my ears. Eyes wet. And that smell. Why do hospitals always have that smell?

We walked silently to the elevator together after meeting with the doctor. I wasn’t sure I’d make it. My legs felt funny. Weak. Wobbly.

I literally didn’t know what to say. How does one support, encourage, cheer on, give hope to someone just handed a potential death sentence? How do I take the next breath, how do I find hope HERE?

God, where are You in this?

I took his hand. We made small talk about parking as we walked to the elevator. I wished I didn’t have to drive home. Alone.

I’d met him at the clinic for the appointment. We looked at the images together with the doctor. The nurses had too much compassion – the kind that said, “We’re so sorry you’ve been given this news.”

The last time a doctor looked at me like this was when I was told I’d lost the baby. The days are filled with minutia-sized moments where every thought is being taken captive, lest I give way completely to fear. I feel fear’s snarl, it’s teeth bared at my neck, saliva dripping, lip-licking tongue and hot breath. It threatens to devour me.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for my friend, the man I married. The days have become faith-testing moments, one right after another, only to be repeated, over and over again.

God, where are You in this? Help me see… I’m so blind and everything’s distorted through the tears.

…

So without going too much into the details, a birth defect we didn’t even know my husband had is rearing it’s ugly head, threatening his life. We don’t know much yet, but what we do know has us rattled.

We have asked God for a miracle, because the surgery is rather risky. “The riskiest surgery we do,” said the cardiologist. I’m trying not to be angry at him for that. Actually, I’m not angry at all; what I’m trying to not be is afraid. I’m trying to trust God with everything. Even this. Even though in the last few months, a friend of mine’s uncle died with the same condition. It was the first time I’d ever heard of it in my life. And now…

As we begin this medical journey, and I look at Dare 22 in the book, “The Respect Dare,” I fondly remember ironing all those shirts. Thanks to my own physical disability, I don’t iron much any more, and it’s usually the chore I hate most. But I’d iron every one of his shirts every single day from here to eternity if it would change the news we’ve been given. Did You hear that, God? Could we make that trade?

I know, I know better… but still. In the NOW I’m in, I’m grasping through tears at anything that might change this, wondering if I couldn’t please just wake up now and have it be a nightmare… And the tears just keep coming.

Food’s lost it’s flavor, and the world seems a bit gray, so I’m praying, “Where’s the joy I’m to have, even in this NOW that I’m in?” Is my faith so small? Maybe… Maybe not.

So today, when you get mad at your husband for leaving his socks on the floor, or you trip over his shoes, or he leaves a dish on the counter, be thankful he’s even there to do that. Maybe take a moment and ponder what it might be like if he wasn’t.

And if you think of it, please join us in praying for a miracle for my husband. For complete, miraculous healing without surgery. And if God says, “No,” please pray for us as we journey through the steps of learning, traveling to specialists, and making appointments. Pray we do what is right and do not give way to fear… And that we are both strong and courageous.

Respectfully…

Nina

08/16/201408/17/2014

grab the remote

For my second ever guest post on the Intramuralist, I wish to explore the often over-looked values of television, a medium that receives a lot of bad press from those smug people who are oh-so sneaky by saying they “don’t own a television” (like we don’t know what Netflix and Hulu are). We all know of the dangers of TV, that it makes kids fat and promotes immorality and will make you go blind if you sit too close (just one of those things your grandma tells you that you believe before realizing it’s crap). We all know TV is everywhere, that Americans watch too much of it, that it has a huge impact on society/culture/the universe, and that it is linked to the rise in violence in teenagers, infidelity in adults, and swearing in infants. My response: whatever. Not that these points aren’t important, it’s just that every single thing on this earth can either be used destructively or beneficially (see money, sex, power, fame, sports, imagination, fire, pit bulls, kale), and people like to focus on the bad about TV and neglect the good. For the purpose of this very serious and academic article (/end sarcasm) I am going to focus primarily on how I have found TV to be a valuable tool for bettering your life — not that I won’t throw in something political every now and then.

Let’s start with a little case study of my own life, because what reader doesn’t like a long personal history of the writer in the middle of an article? I’ve had my bout with health problems the past couple years. When I spent last summer stuck in bed, many people asked me if I was spending my time reading loads of great books. People who asked this question have an idyllic view of what pain is like (a view I still adopt now when thinking of my plans for future flare-ups). It doesn’t mean you get to spend the day curled up with a good book; it means you’re laying in bed trying to find the least uncomfortable position, counting down until the next dose of pain killers, and reminding yourself to stop grinding your teeth. I had already spent many days like this when my internship-less, job-less, plan-less summer began. Without even knowing the medical use of distraction for non-chemical pain management (a phrase I recently learned in summer school — huzzah! knowledge!), I discovered TV: a way I could almost escape the throbbing and burning and the giant elephant sitting on my chest… a way I could still sort of experience a “normal life” (i.e.: what I called anything that wasn’t spending a few months of the “best years of my life” in bed). I could watch relationships, adventures, and life unfold for fictional characters that couldn’t judge me for my back, elbow, and wrist braces, or fear me like I’m going to infest them with a brain-eating parasite. I didn’t have to put effort into conversation or hide my pain or even wear a bra, but I could still observe human interactions (or actors’ interpretations of writers’ imaginings of human interactions, which is probably more realistic than reality TV depicting strangers trying to survive together in the wilderness without supplies or clothes — aka reality TV). But most of all: TV can be downright funny. There is no better painkiller than watching absurd people do and say absurd things.

Besides its medicinal purposes, television has another power that is largely overlooked by its naysayers: it brings people together. I noticed this phenomenon in my own family and how we spend the precious time when we’re all together. When all of my siblings reconvene at my parents house after a few months of not seeing one another, on our first evening together there are two things that are bound to happen: we eat a delicious meal together, and we either talk about or watch TV together. Why would a family waste precious together time that happens only a few times a year on watching TV? To my family, watching TV is pretty recreational. We don’t just stare at the screen, we interact with each other and the characters by laughing together, repeating the funny lines during commercial breaks, and discussing who will be kicked off this episode of “Master Chef” (usually determined by how little drama the person adds to the show, how much they were featured in the episode compared to previous episodes, and the quality of the food which we deduce by how much we like them as a human being). Weeks after a night together, few families still remember and laugh about their game of Monopoly, but we still laugh at what we saw together on TV. We have all heard that TV can tear people apart as it replaces communication and relationships, but it seems like we have fostered our familial bond through our common love for a few TV shows — we randomly text each other funny quotes that often open communication when we’re hundreds of miles apart. My older sister and I even have an ongoing “Dick Van Dyke Show” trivia game that goes back years (bet you didn’t know one of the show’s few inconsistencies is Laura having two maiden names). I will simply text her a question that I come up with, and if she cannot answer it, I win. What other family is as cool as that?

For me, TV isn’t a mindless way to escape my problems and waste away my life. It’s my drug of choice, a tool I use to stay connected with the people I love the most, and a way to explore new ideas and opinions that I disagree with or haven’t thought about. While TV is often unrealistic and is indeed only a group of writers’ thoughts, it can still show you that maybe you don’t have it all figured out. NBC’s drama “Parenthood” brings up many difficult topics in a way that makes you think, teaches you empathy for the struggling characters, and demonstrates that maybe the hardest issues are more than a black and white “anti” or “pro.” What makes USA’s “Psych” interesting is not as much the running jokes or goofy characters, but the struggle of a man who never takes anything seriously as he confronts very serious topics. You laugh at Shawn and his lighthearted antics while together you confront heartbreak, risk-taking, sacrifice, love, friendship, and our own mortality. Shows like “Parenthood” and “Psych,” while one a drama and the other about as goofy as you can get, both lead the audience to think about important things that we must all confront.

If you look at the cover of almost any TV show ad, you always see the same thing: a group of people… people who have backstories, problems, struggles, and relationships just like you or me, and these are the foundation of any genre of show, movie, book, story, or real-life human interaction. Relationships are the heart of both TV and our lives. They are often messy, come with both struggle and laughter, and are the most relatable thing in any story because we all cherish them. Television shows capitalize on the fact that no two humans are alike by examining the clash of different people who either choose or are forced to go through life together, despite their many differences. “Community,” recently picked up by Yahoo as a web series, explores and pokes fun at the clashes of race, religion, orientation, class, and age through a randomly assembled study group by making you laugh as you cringe. The best part of the show is how it manages to do all of this while exploring what it means to be a classmate, a friend, and a fellow-human being (the mascot of the community college where the comedy takes place is fittingly a Human Being). [See video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE8meUf0qCM.]

TV is a tool that I use for many purposes. When my health gets worse, I use it to lower my pain with laughter and distraction. Other times I use it to connect with the people I love. It exposes me to new ideas, opening a door to study them more. But what draws everyone to it is what it says about relationships — very different individuals learning to protect and strengthen the bond between them. One of the best examples of this is the caricatures of a libertarian government employee and his pro-government second-in-command, Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope, respectively, and their friendship told on “Parks and Recreation.” Leslie and Ron are not friends because they are alike; in fact, they clash on almost every single issue and topic and attitude (except breakfast food — they both love breakfast food), but they maintain their strong friendship through mutual respect and admiration. I think this is what the Intramuralist is all about — respecting people and their opinions — not because you agree with them, but because they are human. TV is a fun activity that can entertain a bedridden, braless, teeth-grinding teenager, as well as a large group of people who may not have much in common. It allows people to come together in a way very few things can — when a goal is scored in the World Cup, a whole country jumps up and cheers. TV should never replace relationships, but it can be a tool to bring people together and remind us to have respect and love for others. I think TV can teach us to do what Jeff said in the clip from “Community” above: to extend the same compassion to one another that we give to sharks, pencils, and Ben Affleck. It’s easy to talk about the vices of television and see it as a mindless time waster, but it’s way more than that. It’s time for TV to be seen not as an evil but as a tool that can be used for many different goods. So throw away that book and grab the remote; it’s time to watch more TV.

Respectfully…

08/14/201408/14/2014

everyone needs a superhero

If you had told me thirty years ago that I would be following the heroic antics of Marvel superheroes in movie form, I would have laughed and walked away. The closest I ever got to comic books while growing up was a stack of Archie and Richie Rich back issues left behind in the mountain cabin we bought when I was little. I read them again and again until I was bored with them, and I never sought out any more comic books.

But having raised geeky kids, and lived with a geeky husband, the superhero and his super deeds have become regulars in our lives. Sitting through the latest Marvel super movie, the literary critic in me noticed once again that these stories usually run along a similar theme, and the characters in these movies (and perhaps in the comic books, though I haven’t opened one) follow similar archetypical patterns. The beauty of these patterns is that they reflect the deepest cries of the human heart. A biblical worldview perspective shows how universally appealing the superhero tale can be.

The story of the superhero follows a similar pattern, even though there are large variations from time to time.

The struggle between good and evil. The moral tale becomes very clear. Good and evil are clearly depicted. Even the colors, the setting, and sometimes the music that accompanies the good and the evil get treated very differently. Evil is dark and brooding; the lair of the evil ones is sinister, ugly, sometimes cold. Evil is depicted in such a way that the audience hates it, rejects it, finds it vile and wants it to lose. Evil, in short, is not pretty.

We identify with that theme, the great struggle of good over evil. It is one of the most universal, and one of the oldest, stories of all time. We want good to win. We recognize that good MUST win in order for us to survive. So good, as depicted in most superhero comics, does ultimately win. Our hearts are satisfied with that kind of an ending. It’s how we were wired.

Bystanders are innocent and get caught up in the moral struggle. We laughed until we hurt when we saw the crowds of people in Superman 1 and 2 (1978 and 1980) get in the way of the epic battle between Superman and General Zod (or whatever villain got in the way). The cheesy bystanders got tossed around; they cried for help in typical “woe is me” melodramatic fashion.

However, even this is part of the moral tale of good versus evil. The innocents need protecting by a powerful hero, and he does protect them, as promised! He keeps the bus from crashing to the ground; he prevents the mother’s baby carriage from getting crushed, and more. Again and again through superhero literature, we live out the need for someone powerful to save us because we are not strong enough to save ourselves.

The Superhero has incredible powers. He has huge muscles that seem barely contained by the clothes he wears. (In the case of the Incredible Hulk, his clothes cannot contain his overgrown muscles.) He is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, spin a web to snare an enemy, throw his massive hammer over long distances to defeat a foe, to name a few superhuman skills.

He is a protector. He saves even those cheesy bystanders from the evil plans of the enemy.

The earliest superheroes were found in the Bible, in people like Samson, whose long hair gave him the power to pull an entire building down on his enemies. Some have argued that the gods and goddesses of Greek and Roman tales were also early types of superheroes. Sometimes that works, although those gods and goddesses were pretty petulant and self-serving most of the time. They only saved someone if it made themselves look good, or perhaps ticked off a rival god.

The Villain is dark and brooding and pure evil. His world is dark; his demeanor is just as dark and brooding as his lair. Loki, from the Thor movies, is the antithesis of Thor. To Thor’s strapping muscles and long golden locks, Loki has black hair, wears all black, is of normal height and build (scrawny in comparison). Loki is all bad, all the time, even if he pretends to help Thor. In short, you can depend on the stereotypes most of the time: evil is evil, and good is good, all the time.

Batman seems to break the stereotype in several ways, since he is dark and brooding and often skulks in the darkness to hunt down the evil. As we saw in The Dark Knight, however, no matter how dark Batman is, his foe is always darker and more sinister.

Though some of you may find fault with my overt generalizations, you will have to admit that the human longing for good to vanquish evil is nearly universal. We work out our own longing by cheering for the good, urging them on to fight the good fight.

Why do we create a superhero, and why does it appeal to us so much?

We recognize the truth about ourselves – that we are weak and vulnerable, and we need someone greater than us to win on our behalf. Or perhaps we even place ourselves in the position of the superhero and live out that epic battle in our minds. We are still longing for evil to be conquered.

We desperately need to feel as if there is a remedy. We realize, somewhere deep in our hearts, that we are not the superhero. We live in a sick world, and we long for a cure. In fact, if we were to take a careful look inside, we would realize our desperate need for a superhero because we are trapped by our own evil, not strong enough to save ourselves.

We recognize that in our desperate need, mere man cannot overcome the evil out there. On our own we are weaker than the evil one, and like the innocent bystander, we need an advocate, a hero–someone stronger than ourselves. That superhero–that savior – is the only one strong enough to save us.

We need someone with powers that exceed our own meager abilities. The cry for help comes from deep within our hearts, at the mercy of an overwhelming evil.

Human imagination draws upon the universal archetypes of the superhero and villain, and of the war between good and evil, in order to work out the battle that rages inside. The story is as old as time and as universal as all humankind (and the fables of gods and superheroes from many cultures around the world speaks to that universal theme). The human imagination replays, again and again, in its vast creativity, the epic struggle and the eventual victory of the superhero. The characters may shift and change, but their types remain essentially the same.

Though the authors may not have intended it to happen, I rejoice when I see these archetypes and themes. I see the universal story that the human heart depicts again and again, and it is overwhelming evidence of the human cry for a savior.

Respectfully…