intramuralist ™

There is current talk of whether an effective gun violence deterrent would be to raise the minimum age to 21 to purchase a firearm. Such is existing law in California, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, and Vermont. 17 more states make 21 the minimum age for handguns, but have set 18 as the age for rifle and shotgun purchases.

The thought is that at 21 we become adults, capable of making independent decisions, with an increased likelihood of being mentally solid and stable. It thus made me ask what we’re able to do when we aren’t thought to be adults, make independent decisions, nor be mentally solid and stable. Consider that you must be…

• 10 to hunt alone in Alaska
• 10 to hunt big game in Arizona
• 12 to consent to immunization against sexually transmitted infections if in California or Washington, D.C. (In D.C., this is with all CDC-approved vaccines, even over parental objections.)
• 13 to create a Facebook account
• 14 to be employed for most non-agricultural work
• 14 to get a learner’s permit in Alaska, Arkansas, Iowa and North and South Dakota
• 14 to pilot a glider or balloon
• 14 to operate a personal watercraft in Florida
• 14 to go to Disney World parks alone
• 14 to fish in Idaho
• 14 to work at Starbucks in Montana (It’s 16 for the other 49 states.)
• 15 to fly alone on Allegiant, American, Delta, Frontier, Spirit, and United (Southwest is good with 12.)
• 16 to work more than 3 hours on a school day
• 16 to vote in school board elections if a resident of Oakland, California
• 16 to get an abortion without parental consent in Delaware and Massachusetts
• 16 to fly a plane
• 16 to take puberty blockers, hormone therapy or gender reassignment surgery in South Dakota
• 16-18 depending on the state to be able to legally consent to sexual contact
• 17 to vote in the primary elections and caucuses of 17 states if 18 by election day 
• 17 to skate in the 2026 Winter Olympics
• 17 to enlist in the military
• 17 to buy tickets to R-rated movies
• 17 to stay out after 11 p.m. Sunday through Thursday in Illinois
• 17  to adopt a child in Florida if married (18 is the threshold for an unmarried adult, although many adoption agencies add older requirements.)
• 18 to work in an occupation considered “hazardous” by the Dept. of Labor
• 18 to join Planet Fitness without a parental waiver
• 18 to be considered the “age of majority” in which one is granted by law the rights and responsibilities of an adult, in all but 3 states (It’s 19 in Alabama and Nebraska — 21 in Mississippi.)
• 18 to work in mining or manufacturing, even if employed by family
• 18 to vote
• 18 to get a tattoo without permission from parents
• 18 to play in Major League Baseball if from the U.S. (International players need only be 17)
• 18 to buy Sudafed, Robitussin-DM and more in most states
• 18 to drive a taxi in New York City
• 18 to become a substitute teacher in most states
• 19 to get married in Nebraska
• 21 to purchase alcohol (This does not apply to the minimum age for consumption, which varies by state.)
• 21 to purchase tobacco (The current age to purchase tobacco in North Carolina is still 18; however, stores that sell under 21 may be subject to federal enforcement.)
• 21 to gamble in Vegas
• 25 to rent a Hertz cargo van
• 25 to be a Representative
• 30 to be a Senator
• 35 to be President
• 50 to play on the Senior PGA Tour
• 62 to receive Social Security benefits
• 65 to qualify for Medicare

It’s certainly interesting where we advocate to increase or decrease minimum age requirements. Perspective matters.

Respectfully…

AR

2 hours and 11 minutes… sitting on the edge of our seats… fully engaged in the plot and developing storyline… clearly sensing the tension, emotion, relational challenges and joys… not to mention the bonus drama, humor, and real-life Boeing F/A-18 Super Hornets! The critics are right, friends. Top Gun: Maverick is fantastic!

But lest one begins to believe this semi-humble current events blogger has any aspirations to evolve into an incredibly witty movie critic, allow us to talk about why the summer’s so-far biggest hit is just so fantastic… besides the Super Hornets… besides the drama… besides Tom Cruise once again solidifying his reputation as a bonafide movie star…

While the movie is fantastic, how it makes us feel is even better. 

Let’s begin by setting the scene…

We each have passions, preferences, and convictions that are near and dear to us. How sweet that in this land of the free and home of the brave we can believe in something, invest and advocate — and we can believe in different things.

But somewhere increasingly along the line in recent years, we’ve added a step to the belief, investment and advocacy. Now we also feel need to fight.

To “fight” assumes opposition. To be even more blunt, to “fight” assumes an enemy. Friends, with all due respect, we’ve lost sight of who the enemy actually is.

Pick your passion. Pick your preference and conviction, too.

Think of the trending question of increased gun control, for example… Those people are in my way. We need to fight them. We need to elect no more of them. We need to make them pay! They don’t care about children!

I said this before and I’ll say it again. It’s pure rhetoric when any attempt to convince us that one party cares more about children than the other. All we have to do is compare the inconsistent arguments on the issues of gun control and abortion legislation at the same time. Hear me, friends. I’m not advocating for any specific perspective today. I’m simply highlighting the inconsistency of partisan argument.

The more then that we adopt the plurality of partisan argument, the more we lose sight of who the enemy actually is.  

That’s a problem, because if we’ve fallen prey to the mistaken presumption that he who not believes, prefers or advocates as I is actually my enemy, what am I to do? What are we inherently set to do with our enemies? What have we been taught?

Not only does the mindset exist that we have to fight our enemies, but we also have to defeat them — annihilate and eliminate. And in military, movie and most popular video game scenarios, we are even taught to shoot and kill. I’ll add a tangent pondering… with the mere existence of that last option… one must wonder if any amount of legislation has the potential to cease such a violent, oft promoted mindset.

Just like that, no less, our once understandable, individual passions, preferences and convictions have arguably unknowingly begun to contribute more to the deterioration of current culture than to its benefit. 

The reason, therefore, that Top Gun: Maverick is fantastic is because it gives us a reprieve from what our current culture has become. In the movie, they know who the enemy actually is. They work together to eradicate the evil.

Let me not spoil any of this legacy sequel, but note then what’s embedded in its feel-good storyline…

There is ample perspective; it is varied perspective.

There is disagreement; it is passionate disagreement.

There is competition; it is fierce competition.

Yet nowhere in the perspective, disagreement or competition of the movie do they confuse one another for the enemy. They differ, debate and compete. But they never get lost. They experience authentic emotion, but their emotion never becomes everyone’s reality. Again, they know who the enemy is even with all of the above.

Thanks, Maverick. I may have to see it again.

Respectfully…

AR

Lots of tough stuff in the news the last few weeks. In case we missed a broader spectrum, here are 75 questions asked from a wide range of the media the last 10 days…

1. Abortion without limits?
2. Are Better Candidates Enough for Dems To Retain Senate?
3. Are High Energy Prices Good for America?
4. Are Race Relations in America Getting Worse?
5. Are School Lockdown Drills Doing More Harm Than Good?
6. Are Trump’s Endorsees About To Lose In Georgia?
7. Are We Heading Toward a Global Recession? 
8. As the Slaughter Increases, What Are We Doing?
9. Biden: ‘No rational basis’ for ‘high-caliber’ … 9 mm pistols?
10. Biden, Democrats need Black voters to show up this fall. Will they?
11. Bitcoin Price Posts Biggest Daily Gain Since Early March, What Next?
12. California has billions. Why is homelessness still a problem?
13. Can Americans Be Trusted To Govern Selves?
14. Can Democrats Turn Things Around?
15. Can Gun Control Stop Mass Shootings?
16. Can Gun Violence Become a National Campaign Issue?
17. Can New Coach Revive the Lakers?
18. Can ‘Red Flag’ Laws Prevent Mass Shootings?
19. Did Police Respond Appropriately to the Uvalde Shooting?
20. Did Putin Wait to Invade Until Biden Became President?
21. Do Traditional Values Still Matter in School?
22. Does California have enough water for lots of new homes?
23. Does the Biden White House have a hostile work environment for black staffers?
24. Doom and Gloom: When Will It End?
25. Election Reform Is Possible. Can PA Gov. Be Convinced?
26. Fact Check: Did ‘Nobody’ Predict Inflation as Psaki Claims?
27. Gaffe or warning?
28. Gas Prices Are Rising. So Where Are the Electric Cars?
29. How Many Americans Want Student Loan Forgiveness?
30. If Watergate Happened Today, Would Nixon Have Survived?
31. Is A Recession Coming In The U.S.?
32. Is America the Real Victim of Anti-Russia Sanctions?
33. Is Fetterman Covering Up the Extent of His Health Crisis?
34. Is New York Ready for Recession?
35. If the Spike in Trans Kids Is Natural, Why Is It Regional?
36. Is Biden Crushing the Middle Class on Purpose?
37. Is the Housing Bubble About to Burst?
38. Modern Journalism: Prostitutes Or Partisan Hacks?
39. Monkeypox: Time to Worry or One to Ignore?
40. Pelosi: Why doesn’t Catholic Church punish death penalty supporters?
41. Pentagon to Congress: Inflation…. What Inflation?
42. Shouldn’t Hillary Clinton Be Banned From Twitter Now?
43. So, how many COVID deaths really?
44. So Where Were the ‘Good Guys With Guns?’
45. Tom Cruise, the Last Movie Star?
46. Voting: Should it be only for citizens?
47. What can parents do if they can’t find baby formula in stores?
48. What Did Clinton Know and When Did She Know It? 
49. What happens when the so-called good guys with guns are afraid?
50. What is Fake News?
51. What is the U.S. doing to deter China from attacking Taiwan?
52. What Should the Value of the S&P 500 Be? 
53. What Should We Do About Gun Violence?
54. What will Taiwan and China learn from Russia’s disastrous war in Ukraine?
55. What’s the next surprise in store for hurricane season?
56. When will the baby formula shortage end — and how is New York tackling price gouging?
57. When Will the Costs of War Force Peace in Ukraine? 
58. Where Have Restaurant Workers Gone After COVID? 
59. Will Biden and Stacey Abrams Eat Their Words That Georgia’s 2021 Election Law Is Jim Crow 2.0?
60. Who are the extremists?
61. Who is Salvador Ramos?
62. Who or What’s to Blame for School Shootings?
63. Who’s in Control?
64. Who’s Really To Blame for Inflation?
65. Who’s Paying Protesters to Harass Justices and Churches?
66. Why are flights being cancelled?
67. Why do liberals hate Elon Musk?
68. Why Have So Many Young Men in US Turned Violent?
69. Why Is the FDA Seizing Baby Formula During a Baby Formula Shortage?
70. Why is there a baby formula shortage?
71. Why Was Depp-Heard Trial Televised?
72. Will Democrats Lose in November?
73. Will Midterms Be Biden’s Last Hurrah?
74. Will the Coronavirus Pandemic Ever End?
75. Will the ‘Great Replacement’ Smear Work?

We take the first 75 questions we see, friends. It’s always interesting. It’s equally interesting those who choose to refrain from asking questions. There is always more to learn.

Respectfully…

AR

[Sources include but may not be limited to AllSides, Austin American-Statesman, BBC News, Bloomberg, Breaking Defense, CBS News, Charles Schwab, The Cook Political Report, Daily Caller, Daily Kos, Deseret News, ESPN, Financial Times, FiveThirtyEight, Forbes, FOX News, Frontpage, The Hill, Hot Air, Huffington Post, Indie Wire, iNews, LA Times, Microsoft News, MSNBC, NIKKEI Asia, National Review, NBC News, New York Magazine, New York Post, The New Yorker, Newsweek, Orlando Sentinel, Political Calculations, Politico, Rasmussen Reports, Real Clear Investigations, Real Time, Reason, Salon, Substack, Tablet, Townhall, USA Today, Variety, and The Wall Street Journal.]

We’ve seen the meme. “Thoughts and prayers” is the top line; “policy and change” is the phrase underneath. “Thoughts and prayers” are then crossed out. Many admit they don’t wish to diminish the peerless power of prayer; however, it’s simply not enough to focus on just prayer. We want this to stop.

We want to do something. So what can we do? The better question is: what can we do that will be effective? Focusing on the “just” is not enough. 

We hear a lot of rhetoric. We hear a lot of passion. We also hear a lot of blame. But what we don’t hear are a lot of specific, comprehensive solutions that we know will be effective. We hear a lot of “just.”

Andrew Pollack, whose 18-year-old daughter, Meadow, was murdered in the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting in 2018, said something similar last week. Pollack passionately opined, “Evidently they didn’t learn anything… They didn’t learn anything from what happened in [Santa Fe] Texas at that school shooting; they didn’t learn anything from what happened in Parkland at that shooting; they didn’t learn anything from what happened at Sandy Hook. When you focus on just gun control, this is what happens. It’s happened again.”

Hear no taking of sides by me, friends. That’s not the point. The point is our continued, narrow focus on the “just.” “When you focus on just gun control” — or on prayer or on mental health or on school security — it happens again.

Yet in effort to avoid a narrowed focus in search of effectiveness, we need to first admit one politically, inconvenient truth:

We all want it to stop, friends… Republicans and Democrats alike. All demographics. Save for the few on the far radical fringes, we all wish to limit gun violence and death. 

Unfortunately, the politicians/pundits/agenda-driven-media aren’t quick to admit such. The politicians, et al. instead examine the articulated “justs” of the other side and declare themselves as the answer to the problem perpetuated by their political opposition. Please. No party has cornered the market on integrity, consistency, nor on comprehensive solution.

I chuckle somewhat sarcastically, no less, when each party attempts to tell me who cares most about children. On gun control, it’s one party; on abortion, it’s another. The parties are trying to score political points. My most liberal and most conservative friends each care deeply about children. With all due respect, I am disgusted with the partisans who attempt to manipulate us to think otherwise. That’s rhetoric. Not truth.

So that said, what do we do? What will actually make a difference? 

Let’s bring together a diverse round table for solution-oriented discussion. Let’s bring together the teachers and preachers, the psychiatrists and psychologists, gun experts and mental health specialists. Here are their instructions…

“We begin with a couple of significant caveats… 

One, you must think the best of the person on the other side of you. That means if they think differently, you ask questions. You seek to understand. You continue seeking. You remember that we all want this to stop. 

And two, you must be committed to more than the ‘justs.’ Everyone has an angle in. Don’t dismiss it. We want a comprehensive, effective solution. We know we can’t eradicate evil, but we can limit the potential for this manifestation to happen again.

Here then are your suggested tasks…

One, examine gun control. What guns are unnecessary? Ammunition? No need to confiscate weapons nor reject our individual right to bear arms. But what weapons were built more for war than for self-defense or sport?

Two, be honest about mental health. These shooters have an undeniable similar mindset; they are not ok. What is negatively influencing them? What destructive aspects of their upbringing have we ignored or unknowingly praised? Also, can you specifically weigh how red flag laws could help in this area? Red flag laws are designed to address gaps in our mental health system and are tied to the pattern of mindsets we’ve seen in mass shootings, unlike some of the other suggested law that fails to have a known tie to mental health. We need experts to study and recommend — again, not politicians, who, yes, with all due respect, are oft compromised because of having potentially other agendas and lobbyist-associations in play. We speak no ill of them. We simply all know the politicians on all sides have other motives in play.

Three, secure the schools. Friends, our banks are protected better than our schools. Let’s change this. On May 18th, the Wall Street Journal reported that 93% of the $122 billion designated for schools via federal pandemic relief money has gone unspent; districts have struggled with how to spend the money. With Covid continuing to wane, let’s take that money to secure our schools over the summer. If we can sends billions to protect what’s inside Ukraine, we can do a far better job protecting the kids inside our schools.

And two more things…  Talk about community. Talk about it a lot. Are there ways we can be more united? Are there ways we can be more involved — more helpful? More encouraging? Or responsive to potentially unhealthy behavior?

And lastly, pray. Humble yourselves and pray. Let us never give up and never be so wise in our own eyes to cross it out. We pray for wisdom and discernment, remembering we all want the same thing.”

Respectfully…

AR

At least 19 elementary students.

2 teachers. 

An 18-year-old gunman, identified as Salvador Ramos, shot and killed the above at Robb Elementary School about 85 miles west of San Antonio, Texas. The children were in second, third, and fourth grade.

Absolutely awful. Absolutely evil. The killing of innocent life.

Lord, have mercy. God be with those families. Our hearts collectively grieve.

There are at least five stages — five emotions — associated with grief. Originally dubbed the “five stages of death,” Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published her theory in 1969. The five most common emotional reactions to loss or grief are — in sequence — as follows:

• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• depression
• acceptance

All are valid. None are easy. And as we continually learn to love our neighbor as ourself, we respect all where they are.

The challenge becomes when we get stuck in a stage. With the exception of acceptance, “stuckness” in any of the above is presumably unhealthy.

Sad as I wish to admit, I’ve been there.

Many will rush to lash out…

“This is the reason… this party is the reason… this person is the reason…”

Sure. I get it. It’s easy to finger point. It’s easy to politicize; it’s easy to argue about who cares more about the totality of life. The first bottom line is that it’s easy. It’s easy to hold someone else or something else completely responsible other than, the person responsible. It’s easy. None of us want this to happen any more! Again, Lord have mercy.

To be clear, we don’t know…

We don’t know the motive…

We don’t know the gunman’s mental health…

We don’t know what laws were broken… purchase, possession, immigration, etal.

We don’t know what laws would have been effective…

We don’t know how social media played a role…

We don’t know why this elementary school…

We don’t know why he reportedly killed his grandmother first…

The second bottom line is that we don’t even know what we don’t know.

When we know — and when we are collectively out of the first four stages of grief — we can work to make such incidents less alluring to the evil or the sick. What laws would be most effective? What would actually deter the evil? [See link below.] Friends, this isn’t a Republican problem or a Democrat problem; disturbingly, this is a humankind problem. If we could see it that way, maybe we could minimize the manifestation of this evil. This is no time to attempt to score political points; this is a time to be instruments of peace.

Let me humbly add one more tough topic. I am deeply uncomfortable with the brash retort encouraging forgoing of any thoughts and prayers; some use a different choice, crass ”f” word. I understand the impatience; it’s a part of the grief — the undeniable horror. None of us want this to happen again. None; this is what it means to honor life. But when we forgo the unprecedented wisdom offered by the great big God of the universe — the One who knows each of us best — we only give way to continued human delusion, beguiled by the notion that we need no wisdom greater than we. With all due respect, perhaps it’s precisely that forgoing that has allowed us to see this as a political issue, rather than an issue with all humankind… how evil can dwell in the actual heart of a human.

We need wisdom, friends… deeply… desperately… wisdom that’s collective, not stuck in any stage, and not focused on the easy or the finger pointing or the politics… this is hard, grievous stuff.

So in our grief, let’s humbly do this. In honor of those 19 kids and teachers. May the evil killing of the innocent soberly prompt what is better and wiser in each of us. May we humbly start by moving forward together. It will be hard. But the hard is necessary and worth it.

Soberly…

AR

[P.S. For more on a potential, reasonable deterrent to mass shootings, consider this proposal by the articulate, highly respected, and always respectful, David French, advocating for the passage of “red flag laws” and scrutinizing what current law is ineffective and why. It is a wise read. Focused on solution. Together. https://frenchpress.thedispatch.com/p/pass-and-enforce-red-flag-laws-now?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0OTQ2ODY3LCJfIjoiL2hFR2QiLCJpYXQiOjE2NTM0ODE2NTcsImV4cCI6MTY1MzQ4NTI1NywiaXNzIjoicHViLTIxNzY1Iiwic3ViIjoicG9zdC1yZWFjdGlvbiJ9.2c-7bZiWvcN6o9E_9gDb_CceYnVanSNs5zc1d2RCQ5Q&s=r]

It’s no secret that the Intramuralist is proud of Purdue University… incredibly grateful, too. There’s much wisdom to be gleaned there. We provide a little bit more in today’s post, an excerpt from Purdue President Mitch Daniels’ remarks during the university’s spring commencement ceremonies last weekend…

“Greetings, friends, and welcome. I should say ‘welcome back.’ We are back in Elliott Hall, where Purdue spring commencements belong, for the first time in three years. And as I’ll tell you in a few minutes, to me that matters beyond just the pleasure of returning to this beautiful, traditional venue.

Starting with my first delivery of these remarks a decade ago, I have ended them with the same signoff: ‘Hail Purdue, and each of you.’ It was just meant to be a little signature, a rhetorical device chosen as much for its cadence as for any deep meaning. But reflecting on this year’s ceremony got me thinking that maybe there’s more to it than what I’ve intended all these years.

Many talks on these occasions address themselves to ‘all you graduates’ or ‘the Class of 20-x’. I guess I’ve approached it that way some years. Today, I’m thinking more like those movie tough guys who ask, ‘You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me?’ Today, I’ll be talking to you, each of you, individually, or at least I’ll be trying to.

A friend told me of a commencement he attended where the speaker, to inject a little levity, advised the graduates, ‘In life, it’s not who you know that counts. It’s whom.’ (I assume at least the English majors in the crowd get it.) A funny line, but bad advice. It is who that counts. Not who you know, but who you are.

The further I go, the less I’m sure how to answer the question, ‘Who are you?’ Where to start? I’m a Purdue employee, a happy husband, a father of four, a businessman, a former elected official, a Presbyterian elder, a history buff, and a mediocre golfer. Ancestry.com informs me that genetically I’m more Syrian and Lebanese than anything else, but I’ve got high percentages of Scotch, Welsh and a dash of Italian mixed in.

And I’m a dog lover. I grew up in a family of them. We got all ours from the Humane Society, every one some sort of mixture. And every one was great: loyal, loving, a full member of the family. During those years, I adopted my mother’s opinion that mutts are the best. We’d all better hope Mom was right. Because we’re all mutts here today. Hybrids, amalgams, crossbreeds, mongrels. Mutts. If you doubt that, go check with Ancestry.com.

There are no one-dimensional ‘you’s.’ Every one of you, when you pause to think about it, can already name a list of qualities that make up ‘you.’ That list will keep growing as you leave here and launch into the fascinating and varied lives you are destined to lead. You’ll keep learning, and growing, and adding new elements to your individuality. The more facets a diamond has, I’m told, the more brilliant it is; the same will be true for an ever more interesting and differentiated ‘you.’ The one certainty is that there will be no exact copies, no one just like you and, therefore, no one box anyone can stick you in.

But there will be people who want to take away your ‘you.’ There always have been. The pharaohs, monarchs, and warlords of old, to whom other people were mere tools, to be used and discarded. In recent times, the proponents of all the ‘isms’ that viewed people as helpless ciphers in some predetermined historical trend, or valueless instruments of an all-powerful state. In the worst cases, some people were grouped together and treated as sub-human, not deserving to exist at all.

These days, your individuality is challenged by some who seek to slap a label on you, to lump you into one category or another, and to assert that whatever you are, your choices have little to do with it. What matters is not what you think or do, they claim, but what group they have assigned you to. You’re a prisoner of your genes, or of circumstance, or of some societal forces against which you are defenseless.

Such views may be cloaked in caring, sympathetic terms, but they are deeply disrespectful of those they affect to be supporting. They are a denial of your personal dignity, and ability, and will power. Someone attempting to herd you into a group is someone with an agenda, and your personal wellbeing is not its main purpose.

Your experience, and success, at this institution should convince you not to listen to such disrespect. In a few moments, when you walk up here, it will be your individual achievement we are honoring, and only you know how much individual effort it took to get here.

He eventually gave Colts fans like me a thousand great memories, but never one I admired more than Peyton Manning’s first action as a professional athlete. At the news conference announcing his multimillion-dollar contract, the 22-year-old Manning was asked, ‘What are you going to do with all that money?’ He answered, ‘Earn it.’

The degree you are about to receive is not being conferred on a group. We aren’t awarding it to any club, team, or fraternity you happen to belong to. It’s not because of your hair style, eye color, or because your parents went to Purdue. Nothing entitled you to it. It is yours, and yours alone, because the work that justifies it was yours. You earned it. You…

At the outset, I said there was a larger reason I was so happy to be back in Elliott Hall. That’s because, in here, over six separate ceremonies, Purdue still honors every graduate one by one. Most schools our size long ago went to batch processing, where degrees are conferred on groups, sometimes the entire class at once.

Here, we take a different view. No matter how big Purdue gets, we value each Boilermaker as an individual. That diploma we’re about to hand you is yours and yours alone. Sure, you had help, and support, and I hope some valuable mentoring, but fundamentally you will be crossing this stage because of what you have accomplished. You.

So walk proudly. You are about to add another facet to the diamond that is you: ‘Graduate of Purdue University.’ It will be far from your last distinction, but I hope it will always be one that you value as highly as your university values you today. Hail Purdue, and each of … you.”

Respectfully…

AR

I hate it when awful things happen… when tragedy strikes… when the world is witness to evil made manifest… It’s absolutely awful. 

How do we make sense of that which makes no sense? 

How, too, when witness to the awful are we to wisely respond?

Allow me to quickly be clear; this blog will offer no simplistic answer; it’s not so easy to declare what works. But we do seem to know what doesn’t work. We’re passionate people; we engage in a variety of vehement response. But passion doesn’t equate to effectiveness.

Let us thus highlight two chosen, popular, questionable means of response. First, as articulated by Salvy Snr, an author who lives and writes in Nigeria, on how we respond by feeling justified in shaming the silent. Writes Snr:

“As a child — an African child — I grew up being manipulated and guilt-tripped into doing many things I didn’t want to do.

Every wall I faced had a specific kind of graffiti that made me feel bad for my (in)actions. I’d desist from playing football with my friends because, ‘What would people say if they saw the school’s quiz representative soiling himself alongside razz pupils?’ At home, I’d cringe myself into discussions I had no interest in, just to pre-empt verbal kvetchings about me being too detached from the family.

I’d go out of my mentally paved way to do certain things I wasn’t built to do, so as to let the pressure lift away. I was too young to know that my mental health was being compromised.

I’ve seen comments on social media subtly or brazenly guilt-tripping people — celebrities and nobodies alike — for their apparent silence. There have been comments on Twitter such as ‘Kanye West has been uncharacteristically silent,’ ‘I thought [insert famous black woman] was a black woman, too? Why isn’t she saying anything?’ ‘If you’re black, and you’re quiet during these times, you’re racist.’

There are remarks such as these in the thousands. Some get told in person, and are being forced to say something, when in reality no one has a clear understanding of their silence…”

A second popular (albeit not necessarily effective) response is blame. Andrea Blundell, the Editor-in-Chief and lead writer of the Harley Therapy counseling blog, wrote a great piece a few years ago on “Why We Put the Blame On Others” — including the title’s second half: “and the Real Cost We Pay.”

Blundell defines blaming as “the fine art of making others responsible for all the difficult things that happen to us.” She then boldly asks if such is helpful.

Her entire essay is excellent and worth reading. But what’s interesting to note and relevant to today’s post is Blundell’s synopsis of why we blame other people. She includes five succinct reasons — such as how blame allows us to unload our emotions, protect our own ego, and avoid any vulnerability. But it was the first reason that stood out to me.

Reason number one for the blame game?

(Let’s be honest, can we?)

“Blaming others is easy,” writes Blundell. [Emphasis mine.] “Blame means less work as when we blame, we don’t have to be held accountable.”

As said at the onset of this blog, I hate it when awful things happen.

It makes it harder, too, when we respond so poorly.

Respectfully…

AR

Congratulations! Well done! Regardless of your individual path, you have completed something significant. You have persevered. No worries about figuring all of life immediately now out; your goal is simply to take the next step. It’s a big one. It’s beautiful, too. There are also a few things to remember.

Remember, grad… 

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…

A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance… 

As you enter adulthood — even in these current crazy, uncertain times — allow us to address some brief truths as you focus on these few, albeit noteworthy, next steps…

First, there really is a time for everything — every activity under heaven, every season under the sun. To be clear, you will not desire each of these times. Every activity will not be awesome nor every season incredibly joyous nor fun. Don’t let me discourage you; that’s not my intent. My intent is for you to be prepared to wisely wrestle with reality.

Remember that to enjoy and to embrace are not the same thing. As you face life’s next chapters, the truth is that there will be seasons and chapters that stretch you beyond your wildest imagination — beyond where you ever thought you’d go or perhaps ever even wanted. You have a choice in how to respond. Remember that. When the time comes to tear down or turn away, embrace the time; when the time comes to speak, speak — laugh, laugh — and certainly grieve, grieve. Enjoying the season is less important than learning from the experience. The wise one learns and grows from every experience… from the seasons that are hard. Even yes, from now.

Second — and don’t let me shock you — but contrary to any long-held belief or fictional, rhetorical chant, you cannot be whatever you want to be. Sorry. Remember we are wrestling with reality. (Note: I apologize now on behalf of parents everywhere for not always promoting reality either; see Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and/or that jolly old St. Nick).

The reality is you (we) cannot be whatever/whoever you want to be (ie. see the many who’ve thought they should be President). You can, though, be all that God created you to be. How?

Embrace your gifts. Utilize the unique wiring within you — the wiring that makes you distinctly, uniquely you. Don’t compare yourself to another, falling prey to society’s hollow teaching that another person’s wiring or set up is somehow better or worse than yours. Simply embrace your own strengths and grow from your weaknesses. Seek God first; seek his intention for your life; find your greatest identity in being his kid. Then be who he created you to be, and do what he created you to do. Don’t compare your calling to any other. It will never be lesser. Whatever you do, do it well. 

And third — perhaps because I’m more verbose than I wish to admit — allow me to humbly offer our traditional, brief, rapid fire of final encouragement — those final things we parents wish to say once more as we pass the blessed baton into adulthood…

Love deeply. Extend grace generously. Never view grace and truth as opposites, as each should be applied in full measure. Wash your sheets. More than twice a year. Don’t be selfish. Resist any quickness to anger. Be fast to forgive. Be humble. Forgive again. Pursue wisdom. Don’t judge any by the color of their skin. Don’t judge period. Know the difference between judgment and discerning right from wrong. Consider coffee. Limit sugars. Find the wisdom and joy in both fasting and feasting. Be intentional in enjoying a good donut. Be intentional with more. Take an interest in others. Be sincere. Separate the reds from the whites. Including the wine. Be charitable. Save some. Spend some. Give some away. Don’t be afraid of sorrow. Put down the device. Watch your screen time. Be cautious with social media. Talk to people. Don’t quicken to offense. Chew with your mouth closed. Don’t think of equality with God as something to be grasped. Listen to the elderly; touch them. Invest in the young. Bow. Curtsy. Open doors for other people. Be unselfish. Do it again. Don’t keep count. Don’t make it about you. Show respect — in what you say and how you think. Remember that respect does not mean accepting as equally good and true. Remember that all things are not equally good and true. Know when to say that; know when to not. Look another in the eye. Use your napkin. Be discerning. Be aware that just because something feels good, it might not be wise. Be prayerful. Figure the faith thing out. And embrace each and every season shared above. Embrace the time to laugh. Again and again. Cry. Grieve. And yes, dance. Always dance.

There is a time for everything. Still and especially now. Don’t let any current circumstance make you doubt the hope and the future God has planned for you. He has a plan. And it is good.

Congrats, grads! It’s your time to dance. Enjoy as we so celebrate you.

To the Class of 2022…

AR

I had a bit of an “a-ha” this week. I think I finally figured it out. 

In recent years, the reasonable among us have sensed an increasingly significant problem with the polarized ends. Respect has wavered; the rancor has intensified. The far left/far right no longer see any good in the other.

“How did America get this way?” chided Elizabeth Kolbert in The New Yorker. “Partisans have a simple answer: the other side has gone nuts!” 

(Insert LOL here…)

And just like that the polarized ends point the finger at someone other than self. Partisans do it. Administrations do it. Unfortunately, the elementary prudence repeatedly conveyed by our parents that “you-own-up-to-what-you-do” hasn’t filtered up to way too many partisans and politicians. It’s simply easier to blame someone else. Them.

A frequent Intramuralist conversation has focused on the damage of the adult finger pointing. But my “a-ha” this week more centered on the why…

Why is there a problem with the polarized?

As much as I cringe actually admitting such — not wanting to fuel either of the opposites’s heedless, hell-bent fire (aka points of view) — most likely the far left and far right may each have a sensible approach on some, maybe very few things. For let’s admit: even a stopped clock is right twice a day (as I was also oft reminded in elementary school).

Both the far left/far right make excuses for protests/protestors they like. Both make excuses for gerrymandering that works in their favor. Both make excuses for borrowing and spending massive amounts of money. Both, in other words, make excuses.

Ok. Got it. I hear you; you’ve heard this before here. But what’s new to me this week is why this matters. I mean, it’s ok to be passionate. It’s ok to have strong feelings. There are many convictions I, also, strongly adhere to.

But when we only adhere to a far left or far right perspective — and believe only the others have gone nuts — why is that a problem? What’s the value in the middle?

We’ve heard some insightful descriptions of that middle… “the radical middle”… “the messy middle”… In truth it isn’t all that radical, and it doesn’t need to be so messy. I think it’s just that the extremes are really, really loud, and they’d like to convince us there is no wisdom or reason in hanging out in someplace other than a polarized, isolated camp. They’d like to convince us that the other side is so dangerous… and they, of course, are the only solution to save us from the ills and evils of the other.

They, my friends, entirely miss what the middle provides.

Hear me here…

The middle is where shared experience takes place.

(Feel free to read that again.)

From author, renowned business strategist and executive trainer, Bryan Kramer: “A shared experience is exactly what it sounds like: seeing, hearing, or doing the same thing as someone else. Although it’s a simple concept, shared experiences have a deep impact on human socialization because they enhance each person’s individual experience… Shared experiences are powerful because they bring people together…”

The middle, friends, is where we learn about other people. And not just a select, isolated few.

On the fringe — on those polarized opposites where we justify the protests/protestors, gerrymandering, massive spending and the like — they aren’t learning about most of the people; with all due respect, they’re only learning about people who already think like them.

I know this isn’t easy. It’d be far easier to camp in a polarized place; it’s comfortable there. I no longer have to consider whose wants and needs I’m ignoring when I remained firmly entrenched on a polarized fringe. And no doubt, the pandemic exasperated the entire scenario, as our isolation only increased. But that doesn’t make it wise.

Shared experience is wise. It expands our thinking. It makes us aware of the understandable differences of opinion — even passionate differences. But while differences of opinion are society’s reality, division — intentional polarization and the thinking of others as nuts — is a choice. That choice is a lot harder make in the middle.

Respectfully…

AR

Many moments I have ventured into this topic. Join me, if you will. But allow me to initially provide a brief bit of both caution and ground rules…

First, all persons with all perspectives are to be treated with unwavering respect. Second, we encourage the generous asking of questions for that which we don’t understand. And third, if you’ve already decided all that you believe and thus have no room to grow and merely wish to find new venues to voice your already-fully-established opinion, that’s fine; but this probably isn’t the place for you. One of my deepest convictions is that I will always have more to learn. I never want to be that place of so-called rocky soil where words of truth can’t permeate my stoic, hardened exterior. Such isn’t attractive. Nor healthy or good.

So let’s start with a simple question: what has contributed to the molding of your opinion on the issue of abortion?

Your experience?

The experience of another?

Your faith?

What you believe to be moral?

Unquestionably, this may be one of the hardest current issues for people to dialogue about. Respectfully or not. Many believe they are defending a God-given right. Many, too, believe they are acting in defense of God.  

Isn’t that what makes conversation challenging? We start from an immediate defensive position. I contend that such a posture is both relationally and societally damaging.

Damaging, too, are the loudest voices on each side of this issue. As written by Caitlin Flanagan in a thoughtful piece entitled “The Dishonesty of the Abortion Debate” in the December of 2019 issue of The Atlantic: “The loudest advocates on both sides are terrible representatives for their cause. When women are urged to ‘shout your abortion,’ and when abortion becomes the subject of stand-up comedy routines, the attitude toward abortion seems ghoulish. Who could possibly be proud that they see no humanity at all in the images that science has made so painfully clear? When anti-abortion advocates speak in the most graphic terms about women ‘sucking babies out of the womb,’ they show themselves without mercy. They are not considering the extremely human, complex, and often heartbreaking reasons behind women’s private decisions.”

Those loud voices aren’t changing hearts, minds, nor behavior. Hence, when we scream or utilize the oft imperious mic drop with others, we simply cause others to conclude they don’t want to be like us. Therefore, to have this conversation, let’s cast away the defensiveness…

Roe v. Wade has been the law of the land since 1973. The ruling stated that Texas statutes criminalizing abortion violated a woman’s constitutional right of privacy in most cases. The high court found such to be implicit in the liberty guarantee of the due process clause of the 14th Amendment (“…nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law”). While ruling that government could not prohibit abortions during the first trimester for any reason, it permitted state regulation thereafter. Several in the legal community questioned the soundness of the original ruling. The Court then revisited and modified the ruling in 1992 in Planned Parenthood v. Casey. That decision removed the first trimester requirement. Many have since advocated and legalized the right to abort up to the moment of birth. 

Also in 1992, as previously noted here, Pres. Bill Clinton intentionally worked to find common ground language, saying he desired abortion to be “safe, legal, and rare.” Such allowed him, as Flanagan stated in a separate piece, to “bring together a range of abortion supporters under a now-abandoned umbrella.” Those words were expunged from the plank of the Democratic Party 10 years ago. So here’s an honest question: do we still believe in “rare”?

No doubt that’s part of the current challenge. What was once understandably, respectfully controversial — with women and men of good conscience on both sides of the issue — has now become radical. It is one thing to advocate for the right for women’s reproductive health, where we may disagree on the right to abort when we juxtapose women’s rights vs. another life or potential life. It’s a far other, sobering thing to advocate for the ceasing of a baby’s beating heart right up unto the moments before birth.

I sincerely, respectfully wonder if we would be where we are now if this societal approach would not have become so radicalized. Polling shows that most support Roe. Polling also shows that most oppose abortion after the first trimester. That is the current quandary.

And so I respectfully ask… wanting to promote respectful dialogue…

Where should the limit on abortion be? At what point is it no longer a choice?

At what point does the unborn child have a similar, fundamental right to live?

What is moral?

What is both God-given and in defense of God?

And again, how would you define “rare”?

I’ll say it again: this isn’t easy. And I hate that so many refuse to even dialogue; my sense is they/we/me each have a bit of rocky soil in our hearts. Yes, I’m watching developments regarding the current publicized Supreme Court draft, which speaks of overturning Roe — not making abortion illegal — but rather, returning the decision to the states. Regardless of where the decision lands, I believe there to be wiser questions for us to individually both boldly ask and humbly answer.

But let’s again be honest. A wise discussion will only ensue if embedded defensiveness is cast away. Join me, if you will…

Respectfully…

AR