intramuralist ™

What a sweet annual Guest Writers Series! We loved the diverse voices, varied passions and shared stories. We love, too, the different ways that different people speak! Oh, so articulate… Allow me to thank our humble writers once more, and thanks, also, to the many of you who encouraged them from both near and far.

So why? Why do we feature a month of other authors?

Our reason is two-fold. One, I get a bit of a respite (see picture above). In recent years, I’ve learned better the huge benefit of intentional rest — a shabbat, if you will — just taking time to disconnect from routine and be recharged and refreshed. My sense is that’s good in all things, as a routine can oft evolve into the mundane. Also, we can sometimes get so stuck in our rhythms — physical, emotional and spiritual — that we lose sight of the greatest wisdom. Rest helps me remember what’s most important.

But two, it upholds one of the mantras of the Intramuralist. When we started this witty little, current events blog some 17 years ago, it wasn’t because I felt everyone needed to hear from me. It also wasn’t because I feel like I always have the best, most astute and informed opinion. Oh, my… so clearly not! Friends, allow me a bit of a transparent newsflash: sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes I am wrong and I have zero idea!

The goal of the Intramuralist isn’t so that all people think like me; that would be silly. The goal of the Intramuralist also isn’t to always lay out a balanced, both sides, impartial opinion; that’s not how most of us think. The goal of the Intramuralist is to learn how to share our stories and perspectives in a way that is completely respectful of the person who doesn’t think like us. That’s why we invite diverse voices… Learn to sit with the one who is different. Learn to be curious, to ask questions, and to graciously acknowledge when the different doesn’t make sense. Resist the insult. Remove the meme. Ask even more questions… Listening to varied voices is a wise thing to do.

(To think I thought speaking respectfully to all was something we didn’t do collectively well… 17 years ago…)

While away, no less, lots happened…

From the Independence Day celebrations to talk of the 250th being next… to the other, less-celebrated July holidays (sorry if you missed World Chocolate Day on the 7th or National Lasagna Day on the 29th… ice cream, graham crackers and fried clams also had their respective days)… to the continuation of both the Russia/Ukraine and Gaza/Israel conflicts, with the latter focusing on constructing a lasting ceasefire and managing widespread hunger and poor healthcare… to the awful, awful flooding at Camp Mystic… to the loss of Hulk Hogan, Malcom-Jamal Warner and the iconic Ozzy Osbourne… to all the sporting events (before football soon starts again, thank God) at Wimbledon, golf’s Open Championship and the 22 day Tour de France… to Caitlin Clark playing and not playing again… to the upset primary win of a socialist in New York City… to all sorts of other events worth discussing — from the immigrant detention facility in South Florida to the debated success of the tariffs to the popularity of the parties to even American Eagle’s newest jeans ad…

Then again, seems like the stories that received most of our attention came from singular words: i.e. Epstein, Russiagate and Coldplay.

(And geesh on the Coldplay kiss cam! I have a few words… why did they duck?! If the cheating couple would have stayed steady, none of us would have reacted the way we did… and why did we react the way we did — and still do? Maybe I’m wrong. But there was just something about the instantaneous justice that was very, very satisfying…)

And with that, we’re back — back with a semi-humble curiosity to learn and discuss what’s happening in the world today… to dialogue respectfully in every conversation. I have a confession, friends. I haven’t always done that. I’ve made some mistakes and certainly some mistakes in how I’ve justified being ill-mannered to another… some even this week! But I won’t give up trying to be better and wiser. There is lots to learn.

Our next story comes Wednesday, sharing how I learned much from a circumstance that was nothing short of a multi-hour annoyance, flying back to Florida. It’s amazing what we can learn from every situation and person… that is, of course, if we let them.

Respectfully…

AR

Today we sit with my now 23 year old son, who is gifted in many ways, and special in his special needs. Let me first share how Josh describes himself: “I am a pretty fun, hardworking man on a mission. I like the Bengals, spicy food, and playing video games — especially Star Wars.”

Time to sit down with Josh…

So Josh, welcome back. You know I get great feedback every time you speak on the Intramuralist. Thanks for being here!

“Thank you. I am honored to be here.”

You told me you have something specific you wanted to talk about today. What’s that?

“Learning to accept people for who they are.”

A question first… why is this topic so important to you?

“Because God taught us to accept each other for who they are. And sometimes we have trouble finding it. You also have to accept yourself for you who are. That’s something I’ve had to do. I’ve had trouble sometimes in accepting both me and other people for who they are.”

I appreciate you being so honest and transparent. Sounds like this is an area in which you’ve grown. So let’s get after it a bit. What does it mean to “accept people for who they are”?

“That’s a good question. That’s a really good question.”

Let me help . When you accept someone for who they are, does it change how you see them or talk to them?

“Yeah. It could be both. When you accept someone for who they are, you see them as friends, people that you care about and try to trust even if they don’t deserve it.”

How then do you talk to them or about them?

“When with them, you ask them questions. You ask them what they think — don’t tell them what to think. It’s the not judging a book by its cover thing. It’s no judgment and asking questions no matter what they look like or sound like. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to them, but you have to.”

Why do you have to?

“It’s being respectful. God teaches us to love and be respectful to one another. No matter what.”

Is there ever a time not to love or respect in your opinion?

“No. But there are struggles along the way.”

Why?

“Sometimes I really don’t want to love them because I don’t like them or what they think. Sometimes they’re disrespectful; they don’t do what God teaches.”

Is that what you’ve most learned — to love and respect any way?

“Yes. Love and respect them for who they are. If they’re weird or crazy or think differently, it doesn’t matter. God demonstrates his love for us so that we can learn to love all others. I have trouble with that sometimes, but I keep trying because it’s the right thing to do. The right thing matters.”

Let me go back a little to where we started. Why did you want to talk about this?

“Because we all need to learn to accept.”

What would happen if we all learned that?

“Then we can teach our kids as well, and people will get along better.”

Do you think we have trouble now?

“We all do, every single day. But it goes back to being the right thing to do.”

Thanks for encouraging us today, Josh. This is good. Anything else you want to say?

“Thank you for spending time with me on this blog, because it goes out to everyone who’s having trouble accepting. I want people to make life easier through love and respect.”

Thanks, Josh.

“Always.”

Respectfully…

AR & Josh

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #10!]

* * * * *

Movies make you think, relate, and feel for the characters. They follow intriguing pathways that pull you into experiences you’ve never had before. Movies make me think too, mostly about why they were made in the first place.

I used to genuinely enjoy a good movie. I loved the classics, got excited for new releases, and appreciated a strong story. There wasn’t one moment that changed my mind, just a gradual drift. I watched the hero defeat the villain again, even after the villain won the first fight. I watched the couple fall in love, but only after a few obligatory arguments to make it seem like maybe they wouldn’t. The best word I can use to describe most movies now? Predictable. Almost every story that starts the same ends the same.

You might say, “It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” I don’t completely disagree. But even the journeys start to blend together. The stakes, the twists, the emotional beats—it all starts to feel like déjà vu. Christopher Booker, along with other academics, argued that there are only seven basic storytelling structures: the Overcoming the Monster, Rags to Riches, The Quest, Voyage and Return, Rebirth, Comedy, and Tragedy. If you start looking for them, you’ll see those seven patterns everywhere. Characters and settings change. The tone might shift. But under the surface, it’s the same recycled structure dressed up in new costumes and CGI.

Sure, maybe that’s part of what people like about movies: the comfort of the familiar. But to me, it’s hard to invest in something when I know exactly how it’s going to unfold. There’s no tension, no uncertainty. Just a two-hour confirmation that things will turn out more or less how you expect.

Real life, on the other hand, is the opposite. You usually don’t get a heads-up about the plot twists. You don’t get a guarantee that the hero wins or that the couple stays together or that things even make sense. People lose jobs for no reason. Friendships fall apart out of nowhere. Bad things happen to good people. There’s no studio cutting the footage to make sure it all ties together nicely by the end.

Unpredictability feels like one of the few things consistent in life. While that might sound chaotic or exhausting, it also feels more honest. It gives even the smallest moments weight because you genuinely don’t know what’s coming next. A random phone call can change your whole day. A passing conversation can shift your perspective. A boring Tuesday can turn into something unforgettable for reasons you never saw coming. That kind of randomness is frustrating, yes, but also kind of magical.

Back in undergrad, I took a film class. Most of us did because the workload was light. The only real assignment was the final, for which we had to write a persuasive essay about a TV show. I picked Game of Thrones (dragons, magic, and all) and argued that it was one of the most realistic shows ever made. Why? Because characters died, even the important ones. The bad guys often won. The show’s realism came from its unpredictability. You didn’t know what was coming next. And frankly, real life is a lot more like that than most movies. (I got a 97% on that paper, for the record.)

Even with that appreciation, I wouldn’t say I love television either. But movies frustrate me more because of the time commitment. They usually run somewhere between 90 and 110 minutes. That’s a decent chunk of your day, and if the film turns out bad, you’ve just wasted two hours. If you’re in a movie theater, walking out rarely feels like an option. I’ve only seen it happen once, and I’ve never done it myself.

Imagine if I told you up front, “Hey, I’m going to waste 90 minutes of your life.” You probably wouldn’t say yes. Yet we walk into theaters all the time, not sure if we’ll like what we’re seeing. At the very least, we should check a few reviews first. It doesn’t guarantee anything, but it increases the odds that the movie might actually be worth your time.

When writing this, I figured I should try to be fair. Movies have been around forever, so I assumed they’re at least profitable. Turns out, most of them aren’t. Only about 30% to 40% of films turn a profit. That stat varies depending on who you ask and what variables they include, but still, most movies don’t make money. So why do people keep making them?

In short: blockbusters. A handful of massive hits earn so much that they offset the many money-losers released each year. That one franchise sequel with $800 million in global ticket sales can cover a lot of red ink. Profit doesn’t always equal quality, but it’s probably more reliable than the trailer when deciding what to watch on Netflix.

Still, even that can feel like a gamble. With how little free time most people have, movies ask for a lot: your attention, your emotion, your patience. And increasingly, they give back very little.

Now, to be totally transparent, I wrote most of this blog post while traveling—specifically, while sitting on a plane. And I’ll admit, there isn’t much else to do on a plane. So I put on a movie. I got bored pretty quickly and fell asleep less than halfway through.

That was my return on investment, which I fear movies rarely provide.

Respectfully…

JTA

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #9!]

* * * * *

Have you ever said something or done something that created friction between you and a loved one? I would wager that every reader will answer with a bashful yes. Perhaps you even felt regret or sorrow for your part in what transpired, whether of your own accord or through subsequent conversation. I would also hazard a guess that you have also been on the receiving end of a comment or gesture that hurt you in some way, shape, or form.

There is a saying heard every now and again in our house that my wife or I say to the other: “I love you, but right now I don’t like you very much.” We know this means there is an item of contention between us.

OOPS…. time for a course correction.

As a couple, we are far from excellent at communicating with each other and we sometimes fail to adequately share our thoughts, concerns, feelings, joys, fears, dreams, and expectations. The last item is of utmost importance. Why do I think so? Unmet expectations are often the single, largest source of disappointment in my relationships….. going both directions.

Also, transparency is paramount regardless of relationship: coworker, manager, spouse, child, friend, neighbor, parent, etc. You don’t have to necessarily share your deepest desires and aspirations outside of your home, but being honest with everyone, including yourself, leads to deeper connection and the opportunity for empathy and compassion to show up.

How do we do this?

First, you have to have conversations. I recommend face-to-face for your closest relationships, but phone/on-line conversations have become a thing of the norm, especially in the corporate world.

Second, you have to be aware of your expectations and practice self-introspection. Some level of emotional intelligence is also beneficial.

Last, and most important, you have to be vulnerable. This piece comes with some risk. Obviously you can share more deeply within your most personal relationships. This can be scary, even with your spouse…. but oh, so beneficial. This creates the opportunity to bond profoundly.

What does this look like for less serious things?

Chat about what your vision looks like for an event or situation. Share your ideas and look for opportunities to create conversation. Engage in back-and-forth dialogue. If someone is sharing their expectations with you, pay attention and ask clarifying questions? I also encourage you to rephrase back what you understood.

Listen, pause, reflect, process…then speak!

Humbly,
CA

P.S. A tool I utilize to set other’s expectations when establishing a time to meet…. give a 15 minute window; shoot for arriving at the beginning, but know that you have margin built into your travel.

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #8!]

* * * * *

As I am approaching the latter portion of middle age, I find myself drawn more and more to people much smarter than myself. One of these smarter and insightful people is a Dutch priest, professor and psychologist, Henri Nouwen, who shared the concept of The Three Lies. The three lies are an interesting twist on both a spiritual and psychological level because they challenge both our thoughts and belief systems. I’ll attempt to add how I perceive each lie and how it might impact us as humans.

Lie #1    I am what I do

I’m sure you’ve been at a social gathering introducing yourselves for the first time and, after learning your name, most people ask you about your occupation. (In Cincinnati people also ask you where you went to high school but that’s a whole other blogpost!) As a job, your occupation is how you collect money so that you can pay for expenditures such as food, clothing and shelter, but for many of us we will often also attribute what we do as our personal identity. It’s easy to answer if it is a specific job such as teacher, banker, physician or artist but what is underneath that simple answer? Are we more than what we do? We spend approximately 40 hours per week completing tasks associated with an occupation, but what else do we do? Are we also defined by what we do when we help our friend move, when we call our mom to check in, when we say ‘thank you’ to the barista that made our coffee order? Are we also just as defined by what we do when we cut someone off in traffic, respond with nasty words to a social media post, snap at a loved one because we have a headache? When do our actions define us as human beings? 

Lie #2     I am what I have (or don’t have)

Many times we find ourselves envying someone else’s something. Whether it be an Instagram perfect life on social media, a new car in the driveway, a fabulous vacation or slim figure, we are all slaves to envy in some capacity. We might be going along in our day relatively content until we see that someone has what we are wanting. In other times we lament to others about not wanting something we have and don’t want. A medical diagnosis, a rebellious family member, a car that needs a repair, etc. In other cases we pride ourselves on things we can brag about to others. Our high IQ, advanced degree, an attractive partner, an extensive lists of books we’ve read, etc. In all ways, this is another lie that oversimplifies who we are by only what we possess or want to possess. We do not have value based upon the sum parts of our stuff. Our value is exponentially more valuable than just that. 

Lie #3     I am what other people say I am

This seems to be the one that catches most people right between the eyes. People often wrestle this lie as if it is truth. They allow what others say about them to get them so angry that they end up berating total strangers in a social media post. Labeling is one of the most prolific thought distortions of our modern age. Because we have a farther reach than any other generation in history, we are in contact with people across the globe and in many different cultures, lifestyles and circumstances that can be vastly different than our own. 100 years ago, most people never traveled farther than 100 miles from their home and only knew those in their own neighborhoods. This time on the Earth is unprecedented and one which has never been navigated before because we have access to more than any other generation that came before us. It is important to remember this when exploring the depth of the access we have into other people’s worlds. We as humans are often quick to categorize things, events and other humans as either/or, good/bad, safe/unsafe. It is literally how our brains are designed. Our human brains have to use rudimentary systems to determine in microseconds if something is a threat to our well-being and safety. In a world where there are a multitude of things coming at us all day long we humans are making decisions at an alarming rate. And just out of sheer volume, we often get it wrong. Believing and reacting to someone’s assessment of ourselves gives them a power over our personal well-being. Something that was never supposed to be in the hands of anyone but ourselves. 

Ultimately I think it’s safe to say we are much more than what we do, have or what others say we are. We have a wealth of knowledge, experience and wisdom that far surpasses these 3 lies. But often we tend to take in these three lies as the entirety of ourselves. Humans are all multifaceted beings that are influenced by many extraneous factors, life experiences and internal quests that culminate into the whole. Continue to ask yourself when you might be believing the lie instead of digging into a deeper self-truth. 

It is always worth a deeper dive. 

Respectfully…

NS

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #7!]

* * * * *

As I wrap up year #13 at the local high school, I’ve been thinking a lot about change; the longer I am on this planet, I have come to believe that change truly is the most consistent part of our lives. Well… and Jesus. He has always been consistent in my life.  Our friends. Our family. Our jobs. Shoot! Our homes and our pets even feel the impact of change!! There are times when change comes in the blink of an eye. Then there are times when change comes oh so slow almost like a fine wine.  Regardless of the situation, change will surely come whether we are ready for it or not. Change has taught me a lesson or two this year in a few select places. Let’s start with baby birds… 

Some baby birds come into this cold, hard world featherless with their eyes closed. Still others, like killdeer and quail, are born with down feathers and are ready to leave the nest within a few hours of hatching. And still others, like the bald eagle, will try to age like that fine wine, taking 98 days until they are ready to leave the nest.  Despite the time it takes for these changes to take place, each bird grows and changes, in their own time. One line in my quick research stuck out to me. It said: “Baby birds in a nest, especially hatchlings and nestlings, require care and patience.” Ugh! Do you get the feeling that could be you? I sure do!!! What about 2 Year olds?

I’ve always known that I was to be a teacher. I just wasn’t always sure what of. Here I am, though, living the dream with my 10 tiny humans who follow me like ducklings behind their Momma Duck. These sweet ducklings remind me daily of my why. From my viewing point, one of the most important jobs I could ever have is to help these babies to start to see right from wrong, to find their tiny voices as they are learning to put words together, and to learn the importance of saying I’m sorry and I forgive you when necessary. If ever I grow lazy with that task, then I’m not doing the best job that I can.  

“Make sure you have some tissues… This day is going to be so hard for you…” These were the words spoken to me just minutes before our high school senior made his final walk through the high school halls. My heart wasn’t so much sad as I searched for our boy in the sea of Kelly green caps and gowns… 115 of them to be exact. I had such a pride for him and his classmates. So many of them have become like family over the years. The moment my heart caught in my throat was when that curly-headed boy stepped out of the line-coming out of nowhere, just long enough to give me a hug and simply say: “I love you, Mom.” In that tangle of emotions where I was caught between pride and a hint of sadness, all my searching did not find him; he found me!! It was in that moment that all those hard years of what seemed like endlessly repeating myself to stay close to mom or stay by dad that it dawned on me: he really was listening. The lessons we tried to teach him through the years really were taking root. This must be how Papa God holds me on the daily wondering if the things he taught me are taking root.

I promised, too, a little bit of baseball. Over the years, as a mom, I have learned the life of a baseball player can be pretty ruthless. Despite the tough path of the game at times, my boy’s love for the game has never diminished. He has put in long hours practicing pitching, hitting, perfecting his swing, and lifting weights in the off-season. All without any accolades or recognition. Just always doing what the coaches asked of him. So to be able to watch him play varsity minutes has been a validation of the hard work — and sometimes heartache —over the years. Truth be told, it is probably more this momma’s heartache for her son than my son’s frustrations, BUT it still drives home the life lesson to keep working hard because one day the hard work will pay off.

There are always lessons to be learned.  This school year was no exception. Whether you find yourself like those baby birds preparing to leave the nest or the baby ducklings learning to find their voice, perhaps you find yourself knowing that you need to find your roots once again. Or maybe you just need the encouraging reminder that hard work really does pay off when you keep faithful to the small things. Regardless of where you are on this journey in 2025, keep your eyes on the prize set before you and rest assured knowing there is always a lesson to come and that change will more than likely be just around the corner or on the horizon. May I encourage you to be open to all that there is to learn in those moments?

With You in The Fray, 

LJ 

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #6!]

* * * * *

It’s the summer of 2019, and my parents and I traversed the wonderful world of Disney in Orlando, Florida. This was our last hurrah before my wedding, and we were graciously hosted by AR and her family. While we took a break in the shade, hiding from the summer sun, AR asked me a question that would ring in my ears for months. I had just mentioned to her that I was in graduate school for clinical psychology, and she asked:

“Do you see God through psychology, or psychology through God?”

Great question, right? I thought so, and I kept thinking about it. From one end, psychology is entirely about relationships, and seeing relationships through God means applying His values. On a basic level, God created humans with the explicit focus on connection—God and the Son, Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, and the list goes on. There is rarely a section in Scripture without relationships. Scripture also provides a guide on how to treat others based on God’s will. If the Bible teaches relationships—with the Creator or fellow creation—then it’s easy to see relationships through God.

On the other hand, I can also see God through relationships. Relationships are the cognitive connections we have with everything. However, these are often subject to change. Not everyone’s parents treated them the same, creating different attitudes toward parents. Someone can have wonderful parents, and they likely think parents are great. On the other hand, if someone is abused or battered by their parents, they probably don’t think the same thing. If harmful parenting is dished out by people who claim to know who Jesus is, then a relationship is formed.

In my work, that is the prevailing connection for those who no longer practice Christianity. If someone claims their faith is transformative, yet they put you in danger and make you feel pain, then a negative relationship forms. The typical response I receive around this point is, “Well, we’re all fallen,” and while true, this doesn’t change psychology. Yes, you are allowed to have flaws, but you’re not allowed to use the fall of humanity as a scapegoat for poor choices. As much as you are openly a believer, you are as much an ambassador for your faith. This doesn’t mean other people are responsible for your faith, but they can influence it. Seeing God through relationships is all through mental connections, because many of them are between our ears.

While we create relationships with the outside world, we develop relationships with our inner world as well. With something called metacognition, we can think about our thoughts and have thoughts about our feelings. Our relationship with our own basic awareness can be affected by outside events such as traumatic experiences, gaslighting, and so on. If our relationship with our own thoughts and emotions can be changed, so can our relationship with God. The mental concept of God—whom you cannot touch, see, or hear—is easily subject to influence.

After considering each side, which do I take? Do I see God through psychology or psychology through God? Although lame, my answer is both. Relationships are the foundation of psychology, but Scripture teaches how to navigate those relationships with God’s values. Through creation, we were given the capacity to have meaningful connections but also to be susceptible to negative ones. Psychology is not competitive with Christianity; it’s the tool that allows you to stay true to those values. Cognitive relationships can be barriers to your faith, so removing them through therapy is conducive to being a faithful servant.

Ironically, there’s a relationship between these relationships—something I didn’t recognize before Disney World, 2019. My friends in the hot Florida sun, made through shared faith, caused me to think about God through relationships. I’m lucky to know ambassadors of faith who would encourage me to reflect this way. While it was only a passing question, it’s managed to stick in my brain ever since.

Respectfully…

CLB

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #5!]

* * * * *

Most everyone who gets married in Western civilization in a religious ceremony hear pretty much the same words repeated by their clergy. Included in the dialogue is usually something about “richer or poorer” and “better or worse.” I have to believe like everyone else who gets married, I only heard the part about “better.” Surely the “worse” part would only be for others – right? This past June my wife and I celebrated our 40^th year wedding anniversary. So I suppose that gives me license to make commentary on the better or worse pronouncement. We have seen and experienced both, either personally or with others close to us. However, some of the most significant things that affected us and the entire world were larger than personal. 

In 1985 in the middle of the Reagan years and in the middle of New York City (NYC), 2 very nice 23 years old “kids” tied the knot. The wedding ceremony and the reception was a most traditional evening. We paid for most of the wedding through our own funding. The honeymoon that followed was fairytale like indeed. After that the world just seemed to change significantly. I write this not as someone who has studied history formally, but rather as someone who has paid attention to life’s many, diverse events. In some cases, some of the events that were seemingly worse have gotten better, while others that were better, have gotten worse. Some remain in the “wait and see” category. 

One such event which I consider to be better today was the dual epidemic: the crack (cocaine) and AIDS plague which affected our entire society. Having lived in NYC during the 1980s, it seems these twin plagues hit the area pretty badly. The image of the neighborhood “crackheads” were prominent on street corners in many areas of the city. What was not seen were the many crack users who were using and still functioning in society. The “Just Say No” campaign made popular by First Lady Nancy Reagan did not end this crisis. But it did help to bring attention to a very serious problem in our society. More resources and education about addiction lessened the crack epidemic to today’s level. While not good, there is much more awareness. AIDS (the other part of the diabolical duo) or as it is usually coupled with the term HIV/AIDS was officially declared as an official condition in 1982 after many years of not properly defining what it was. HIV/AIDS, while certainly not eradicated, is now being controlled with education, drug and nutritional therapies to combat its effects. Having prominent people like Earvin “Magic” Johnson being diagnosed and bringing the ailment to being something that could affect anyone brought this into the understanding of not being just an isolated illness that affected only gay males. We were all vulnerable to this virus. The United Nations reports that today over 30 million people worldwide are being treated successfully against the virus.

One late Tuesday morning on January, 28 1986 right before lunch, the Space Shuttle “Challenger” exploded after launch. That day is a burnt indelible memory for me because I was working on Wall Street and everything stopped. We had a black and white TV in the computer room where I worked. Many crowded in to watch the news of this horrible event; it seemed like it was the worst moment for our space industry and our country. Fortunately, the Space Shuttle program resumed seemingly successfully until a similar fate happened to the Space Shuttle Columbia upon re-entry in February 2003. The space program has always been an iconic American success story despite some accidents over the years. The Space Shuttle program finally ended in 2011 much to my sadness. I found it exhilarating watching those launches whenever possible in the past. As a country we are now relying on other countries such as Russia to both take us into space as well as return us. That does not give me a good feeling to know we are so reliant on other countries — especially countries that may have hostile intent toward us. There is a new emergence of space programs such as SpaceX and Blue Origin with promises of further exploration. So I’m going to leave this one in the “wait and see”. 

Of course, 9/11 is a defiant moment in every American life. We all woke up to what we thought could be the end of the world as we know it (to use a cliché). I think I can say without hesitation that this was the moment when our country felt militarily most vulnerable since Pearl Harbor. The subsequent wars in the Middle-East to quell those threats were mostly crushed militarily. We are concerned that many of the conditions that caused people to attack us might still be festering. The Middle East has always seemed to be the powder keg for many crisis around the world. 

When I worked in the computer room on Wall Street in the early 80s, we use a large IBM 360 mainframe customer. The computer was described then as a super computer. I worked with a computer that took a whole room to house and maintain it. Apple introduced the Macintosh computer in a commercial during the 1984 Super Bowl game. Since then, computers and its electronic partners dominate our lives; in our home there are more computers, TVs and smart phones than there are people. That seems somewhat out of proportion, but I think that reflects most households in America. The new Artificial Intelligence (AI) concern brings both hope and concern of how this new phase in computer technology will affect our society. There is always the fear that “the machines are taking over.” I, for one, believe we can use this technology for our benefit. With this new technology, doctors can get quicker and faster diagnoses; weather forecasts can be more accurate; communication can be improved. I believe if we put in proper controls and checks and balances, it can be to our benefit as a society.

So there are a hundred other things I could have referenced over the past 40 years on this “better or worse” journey, but I just picked a few things that most can relate to on a personal level. I am an optimist by nature. Not in the rose-colored glasses version of an optimist, but I know every challenge can be mitigated with the right approach. So I choose to see the world for better. That is my hope and also my prayer.

Respectfully…

DG 

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #4!]

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Growing up I would hear older folks talking about someone being “odd-turned,” “peculiar,” “weird”, or “just not normal,” followed by “I just don’t know about that boy.” 

Their observations were correct. These individuals were not like other folks. Fortunately, there have always been people who appreciated differences. I remember the people who would not complain about those who were different but had an innate sense that they needed to be more insightful and were kind. I heard one lady say, “They are just who they are. God don’t make no junk. We need to look for their gifts.” That has always stuck with me.

The people I referenced would now be diagnosed with a neurodevelopment disorder. They were indeed different than those around them. Brains of those with neurodevelopment disorder process information differently. But that is only half the story. The other half story is about who they are as people. What gifts do these “abnormal processors” possess? They are more than their diagnosis especially since it is estimated that about 30% of the population has a neurodevelopment disorder.

As parents, teachers, doctors, neighbors, community members we have a responsibility to treat others like we want to be treated. When learning about others it is important for us to take responsibility for our reactions to others who may look or act in a manner different from the “normal” way of doing things. We have a responsibility to understand and to try to help them be included. This may involve teaching them boundaries or understanding their form or participation will be unique. Likewise, they have the responsibility of understanding they are different and sometimes may need to self-impose boundaries on themselves because when they perseverate or don’t understand how their intensity negatively affects others, things can be quite unpleasant for all. All may misunderstand the other.

We need to reflect on our own responses to those who are different. Sometimes  our reactions are cruel because we are not sure of what to do. For example, we may judge the parent of the child who is excessively hyper, has explosive tantrums, and/or mood swings by criticizing their parenting style. Sometimes they are also trying to figure it out. The are exhausted by the intensity of their child’s abnormal reaction to normal corrective measures and responses that just do not work with those who have neurodivergent processing. It is a process for all involved because it is ever present and the person does not “grow out of it.” We can all learn to adapt appropriately, but this take time and energy.

Families need support and understanding, not judgment. They, too, are learning how to best support and teach their child basic expectations. There is no one method. It takes a combination of counseling, behavior techniques, medication, and sometimes just a kind word. Too often we ask what is wrong with them because they make us uncomfortable instead of us asking what we can do to assist them. Often our outside perspective does not lend a fair assessment of others’ situations. 

As our understanding of brain function has increased so has our understanding of how to react to those who process differently. Neurodevelopment disorders like autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), intellectual developmental disorders, communication and motor disorders sometimes are difficult for others to understand because they are not always visible. 

Perspectives develop differently because neurotransmitters fire differently. Neurodiversity is not a specific condition but a term that has become popular to better understand how those who were considered “abnormal.” During the 1990’s that there was a movement to start delving into this topic. Like individuals who have suffered great trauma, the research emphasized “why” the individual reacted to his or her environment and understanding how the differences can be strengths instead of just saying they were abnormal. The greater the understanding, the more inclusive we became as a society understanding their unique gifts. 

Those with extreme differences require extreme patience coupled with an understanding the individual did not choose to be this way. It is a condition of birth, not a condition of choice. When you parent or teach a young person with these unique characteristics, it takes strength to know each child’s tolerance and ability to adapt. It is exhausting at times especially when others do not understand. It takes intentional strategies to teach self-regulation so there becomes an understanding of what it means to work within the normal range of behaviors. Setting boundaries and teaching these coping skills are vital to all people integrating successfully into society.

Appreciating neurodivergent gifts is not easy. Sometimes the characteristics are so outstanding we cannot but hail their accomplishments. But we always must weigh the good and bad. The deed may be outside of appropriate limits. It is part of this journey. Neurodiversity gifts can outshine the “normal” limits in areas of enhanced problem solving, heightened creativity, unusual ability to remember information, attention to detail, increased analytical abilities, patten recognition, endurance, empathy, honesty, and loyalty.  

We have an obligation to understand others. We all have gifts to share.

Respectfully…

VEE

[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #3!]

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A VOLUNTEER — What is that?

The usual definition of that word refers to someone who works for no pay and responds to a need. I think of volunteers who do that for me. My little Minnesota hometown has a volunteer Fire Department. Any of us who have been in a hospital have been escorted to our destination by a volunteer, and if admitted, our room has been readied by a volunteer while another brings us water, flowers, mail, etc. And all of us are connected to a person who has been or is a volunteer for the military to serve our country. My point is that we are all the beneficiaries of volunteers.

A VOLUNTEER — Who does that?

I think of the volunteers who inspire us, who are role models. There is my friend Craig who plants, waters, weeds, and harvests at a community garden where all the food from it is given to the needy. I think of a lady who wore out her thumbs knitting, so she decided to learn brailing, and puts textbooks and recipes into brail for the vision impaired. I remember a mentor who was bedridden who became a prayer warrior saying she could do that from her bed. My own parents upon retirement volunteered at the local hospital, Mom as a seamstress, and Dad, a large man, an orderly who could easily lift and turn patients, and is needed could speak German to a less than cooperative patient. The love of my life, as part of a Habitat for Humanity crew, in sweaty heat, pounded nails to build homes for people he would never meet. 

A VOLUNTEER — Why not me?

So what about me? Do we volunteer, saying, “Yes, because it makes me feel good!” Well, I think that is a serendipity. I prefer to think of the Scriptural admonition, “To whom much is given much is required.” However, when we hear this, we define “much” by our bank account. But “much” has a far broader meaning. It can be a skill, a talent, our knowledge, our time. So, why volunteer?  Because we can. Because we should. Because it makes a difference. Because it is the right thing to do.

Many years ago these “becauses” were impressed upon by two different sources, both of which were affirmed for my “because.” One came from a grad school professor who was a marvelous teacher. He asked us to keep in mind that everyone carries around an imaginary bucket and that in every encounter we either put something into the bucket or we take something out of that bucket. Volunteers fill buckets.

And then there are the words of the poet who wrote:

Respectfully…

DWL