[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #4!]
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Growing up I would hear older folks talking about someone being “odd-turned,” “peculiar,” “weird”, or “just not normal,” followed by “I just don’t know about that boy.”
Their observations were correct. These individuals were not like other folks. Fortunately, there have always been people who appreciated differences. I remember the people who would not complain about those who were different but had an innate sense that they needed to be more insightful and were kind. I heard one lady say, “They are just who they are. God don’t make no junk. We need to look for their gifts.” That has always stuck with me.
The people I referenced would now be diagnosed with a neurodevelopment disorder. They were indeed different than those around them. Brains of those with neurodevelopment disorder process information differently. But that is only half the story. The other half story is about who they are as people. What gifts do these “abnormal processors” possess? They are more than their diagnosis especially since it is estimated that about 30% of the population has a neurodevelopment disorder.
As parents, teachers, doctors, neighbors, community members we have a responsibility to treat others like we want to be treated. When learning about others it is important for us to take responsibility for our reactions to others who may look or act in a manner different from the “normal” way of doing things. We have a responsibility to understand and to try to help them be included. This may involve teaching them boundaries or understanding their form or participation will be unique. Likewise, they have the responsibility of understanding they are different and sometimes may need to self-impose boundaries on themselves because when they perseverate or don’t understand how their intensity negatively affects others, things can be quite unpleasant for all. All may misunderstand the other.
We need to reflect on our own responses to those who are different. Sometimes our reactions are cruel because we are not sure of what to do. For example, we may judge the parent of the child who is excessively hyper, has explosive tantrums, and/or mood swings by criticizing their parenting style. Sometimes they are also trying to figure it out. The are exhausted by the intensity of their child’s abnormal reaction to normal corrective measures and responses that just do not work with those who have neurodivergent processing. It is a process for all involved because it is ever present and the person does not “grow out of it.” We can all learn to adapt appropriately, but this take time and energy.
Families need support and understanding, not judgment. They, too, are learning how to best support and teach their child basic expectations. There is no one method. It takes a combination of counseling, behavior techniques, medication, and sometimes just a kind word. Too often we ask what is wrong with them because they make us uncomfortable instead of us asking what we can do to assist them. Often our outside perspective does not lend a fair assessment of others’ situations.
As our understanding of brain function has increased so has our understanding of how to react to those who process differently. Neurodevelopment disorders like autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), intellectual developmental disorders, communication and motor disorders sometimes are difficult for others to understand because they are not always visible.
Perspectives develop differently because neurotransmitters fire differently. Neurodiversity is not a specific condition but a term that has become popular to better understand how those who were considered “abnormal.” During the 1990’s that there was a movement to start delving into this topic. Like individuals who have suffered great trauma, the research emphasized “why” the individual reacted to his or her environment and understanding how the differences can be strengths instead of just saying they were abnormal. The greater the understanding, the more inclusive we became as a society understanding their unique gifts.
Those with extreme differences require extreme patience coupled with an understanding the individual did not choose to be this way. It is a condition of birth, not a condition of choice. When you parent or teach a young person with these unique characteristics, it takes strength to know each child’s tolerance and ability to adapt. It is exhausting at times especially when others do not understand. It takes intentional strategies to teach self-regulation so there becomes an understanding of what it means to work within the normal range of behaviors. Setting boundaries and teaching these coping skills are vital to all people integrating successfully into society.
Appreciating neurodivergent gifts is not easy. Sometimes the characteristics are so outstanding we cannot but hail their accomplishments. But we always must weigh the good and bad. The deed may be outside of appropriate limits. It is part of this journey. Neurodiversity gifts can outshine the “normal” limits in areas of enhanced problem solving, heightened creativity, unusual ability to remember information, attention to detail, increased analytical abilities, patten recognition, endurance, empathy, honesty, and loyalty.
We have an obligation to understand others. We all have gifts to share.
Respectfully…
VEE