[Welcome to our annual Guest Writer Series, a time in which we are intentional in listening to other voices. Know that AR may/may not agree with the perspective expressed. Know, too, that agreement is secondary to learning from others. Meet Guest Writer #8!]
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As I am approaching the latter portion of middle age, I find myself drawn more and more to people much smarter than myself. One of these smarter and insightful people is a Dutch priest, professor and psychologist, Henri Nouwen, who shared the concept of The Three Lies. The three lies are an interesting twist on both a spiritual and psychological level because they challenge both our thoughts and belief systems. I’ll attempt to add how I perceive each lie and how it might impact us as humans.
Lie #1 I am what I do
I’m sure you’ve been at a social gathering introducing yourselves for the first time and, after learning your name, most people ask you about your occupation. (In Cincinnati people also ask you where you went to high school but that’s a whole other blogpost!) As a job, your occupation is how you collect money so that you can pay for expenditures such as food, clothing and shelter, but for many of us we will often also attribute what we do as our personal identity. It’s easy to answer if it is a specific job such as teacher, banker, physician or artist but what is underneath that simple answer? Are we more than what we do? We spend approximately 40 hours per week completing tasks associated with an occupation, but what else do we do? Are we also defined by what we do when we help our friend move, when we call our mom to check in, when we say ‘thank you’ to the barista that made our coffee order? Are we also just as defined by what we do when we cut someone off in traffic, respond with nasty words to a social media post, snap at a loved one because we have a headache? When do our actions define us as human beings?
Lie #2 I am what I have (or don’t have)
Many times we find ourselves envying someone else’s something. Whether it be an Instagram perfect life on social media, a new car in the driveway, a fabulous vacation or slim figure, we are all slaves to envy in some capacity. We might be going along in our day relatively content until we see that someone has what we are wanting. In other times we lament to others about not wanting something we have and don’t want. A medical diagnosis, a rebellious family member, a car that needs a repair, etc. In other cases we pride ourselves on things we can brag about to others. Our high IQ, advanced degree, an attractive partner, an extensive lists of books we’ve read, etc. In all ways, this is another lie that oversimplifies who we are by only what we possess or want to possess. We do not have value based upon the sum parts of our stuff. Our value is exponentially more valuable than just that.
Lie #3 I am what other people say I am
This seems to be the one that catches most people right between the eyes. People often wrestle this lie as if it is truth. They allow what others say about them to get them so angry that they end up berating total strangers in a social media post. Labeling is one of the most prolific thought distortions of our modern age. Because we have a farther reach than any other generation in history, we are in contact with people across the globe and in many different cultures, lifestyles and circumstances that can be vastly different than our own. 100 years ago, most people never traveled farther than 100 miles from their home and only knew those in their own neighborhoods. This time on the Earth is unprecedented and one which has never been navigated before because we have access to more than any other generation that came before us. It is important to remember this when exploring the depth of the access we have into other people’s worlds. We as humans are often quick to categorize things, events and other humans as either/or, good/bad, safe/unsafe. It is literally how our brains are designed. Our human brains have to use rudimentary systems to determine in microseconds if something is a threat to our well-being and safety. In a world where there are a multitude of things coming at us all day long we humans are making decisions at an alarming rate. And just out of sheer volume, we often get it wrong. Believing and reacting to someone’s assessment of ourselves gives them a power over our personal well-being. Something that was never supposed to be in the hands of anyone but ourselves.
Ultimately I think it’s safe to say we are much more than what we do, have or what others say we are. We have a wealth of knowledge, experience and wisdom that far surpasses these 3 lies. But often we tend to take in these three lies as the entirety of ourselves. Humans are all multifaceted beings that are influenced by many extraneous factors, life experiences and internal quests that culminate into the whole. Continue to ask yourself when you might be believing the lie instead of digging into a deeper self-truth.
It is always worth a deeper dive.
Respectfully…
NS