lies

All parents of teenagers will tell you one thing:  sometimes teenagers lie.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  The Intramuralist has nothing against teenagers (save the added gray hair most of us adults seem to too easily acquire when a new young teen blesses our household.)  At some point, no less, they will lie.

 

It’s not that they’re bad or compulsive liars or even young persons who will seemingly be scarred for all of adulthood.  It’s not that they’ve developed an incapacity for truth nor a fondness for the frequency of fibbing.  No, in fact, I believe there exist multiple reasons for the deceit.

 

One, we might not like the truth; we might disagree with what they did and why they did it.

 

Two, the truth might make them look bad.  Who among us likes to look bad?

 

And three, sometimes it’s just easier to lie.  The truth can be too complicated.  In order for another to fully understand, there may exist too many details or too much complexity; hence, lying is simply easier to articulate.

 

The challenge, though, exists in what happens — in how we respond, what we believe — in interactions after the lie.

 

After a situation in which — regardless of reason #1, 2, or 3 above — in which our teens tell a lie, does that deem them never truthful again?  Does that make them incapable of telling the truth?

 

Of course not.  They probably still are typically more truthful than not.

 

Does that mean, though, that we should doubt everything they say?

 

Of course not.  They still have things to share, and we still need to listen.

 

But does it put their credibility in question — especially when the topics are trickier, the situation is more sensitive, and/or the potential consequences are more severe?

 

Of course.  Deceit and duplicity may be their default response when the circumstances become too intense.

 

And so I must ask:  what’s the difference between a teen and an adult?  Is it only teenagers who sometimes lie?  Is it only the immature?

 

Is it only teenagers who sometimes hide the truth because a significant rest of us might disagree? … because it might make them look bad?  … or the truth is too complicated?

 

I think one of the hardest things for us to wrestle with as adults is trusting the person who once has lied; harder still is trusting the person we believe has lied, even if the proof of their intentional fabrication was ambiguous at best.  That could be a grandparent or person in government.  It could be a person we know well or simply see on the news.

 

My point is this, friends…  “Once a liar, always a liar” is not a wise proverb.  The reality is that even a person who sometimes lies, still — most likely — tells the truth more often than not.  It’s not that the person who lied can never be trusted again; the challenge, though, is that his or her credibility is damaged because we can’t discern the exact moment of deceit.  The unfortunate reality also is, that “Lie once, lie again,” may be a wise proverb.  We simply don’t know when that lie will come again.  When the circumstances are more serious and the potential to look bad skyrockets, the potential for deception also increases exponentially… no matter the intelligence of the person… no matter a grandparent or person in government…  people will sometimes lie.

 

Sometimes teenagers lie.  And yes, so do gray-haired adults.

 

Respectfully,

AR