As my teenagers consistently calculate their oh-so-active weekend social schedule, there exists constant talk of, with, and about the “group.”
The “group.” What’s the “group” going to do? Where are they? What’s the “group” think? Text the “group.” What do they say?
For months I’ve witnessed this phenomena unfold. The evolution and application never quite donned on me… until well, now…
The “group” plans everything. The “group” is in control. It’s not especially democratic nor does the majority always rule. It would seem instead that often the loudest voices in the “group” make the decision; sometimes there are several who are simply silent, but who still seemingly, at least, go along with the “group.”
It’s not, however, just for the big dance. The “group” plans pretty much everything… what are we doing this weekend? Where are we going? Whose house will we stay at? What do we want to eat? How do we feel about that?
And membership, well, it’s a bit exclusive.
I remember when a new gal appeared, with nothing less than a trepidatious tiptoe, obviously desiring to join them. “Not so fast,” seemed the initially unspoken claim. Soon after, however, came, “Well, she can join us, but she’s not a member of the ‘group.’” [Yes, an actual quote.] Membership is a privilege.
I’ve decided that once again our teens have watched us adults a little too well… witnessing how we behave, taking both conscious and subconscious note, and then emulating our habits in ways which first adopt and then magnify both the good and the bad.
For adults, too, we have our “groups”… “groups” in which the identity of the “group” often becomes priority number one… when the fight for preservation of the “group” trumps what is wisest and best…
… we fight for our groups based on team… for Cowboys or Patriots…
… we fight for our groups based on race… for black or Hispanic…
… we fight for our groups based on politics… for Democrats or Republicans…
… we fight for our groups based on profession… gender… demographics… religion… education… based on a singular commonality or focus. And that singular focus often paves the path for a significant blindside, as when we fight only for our “group,” we tend to lose sight of the bigger, wiser picture…
When we fight only for our sports “group,” we no longer can appreciate the remarkable talent on display when Tom Brady throws that perfect, last second pass…
When we fight only for our ethnic “group,” we no longer see that when we put one race first, we’re engaging in the same behavior of which we are critical…
And when we fight only for our political “group,” we no longer recognize that spending on our party initiatives can blind us to the perils of unsustainable, deficit spending.
When we fight only for our “groups,” it seems we act more like our teens.
Respectfully,
AR