The difference between a 16 year old and an 18 year old is huge. As my oldest approaches graduation — an event the Intramuralist will undoubtedly address more directly in the days to come — I am keenly aware of the growth that occurs those final few years of high school. While none should be considered clones of another, a significant growth step we’ve witnessed in our household is seeing our son learn to listen.
By listening I don’t simply mean being still while another is speaking. I don’t mean feigning nor faking attention. I also don’t mean simply being quiet, and then in quietness, focusing most on our quick-to-come, instant reply. By listening I mean being intentional in understanding what another is attempting to say, not reacting defensively to what is said, and respectfully interacting with that person in a way which validates the communication, but still allows for disagreement. It’s more an “I hear you. And if I understand you correctly, you are saying the following…” Let me also add that listening is a rare skill.
Acknowledging such rareness is the profound insight of a favorite columnist, Kirsten Powers. Powers is a weekly USA Today contributor who describes herself as a proud, lifelong liberal, young Christian, and a vocal LGBT rights supporter. On May 4,2015, her new book will be released, entitled: The Silencing: How the Left is Killing Free Speech.
Powers describes the political “left” — a group with whom she identifies — as marching toward conformity via an illiberal war on free speech. This “illiberal Left” now viciously attacks and silences anyone with alternative points of view. Note her example, penned recently in her weekly column [emphasis is mine]:
“…After decades of fighting for gay rights, those who should be guzzling the bubbly are muzzling the vanquished. It’s hard for the people who call themselves liberals (while acting like anything but) to top their past bullying and intolerance of those who won’t fall in line with their worldview. Yet, with the Indiana religious freedom bill, they pulled it off. After Memories Pizza owner Crystal O’Connor told an Indiana reporter that she would not cater a gay wedding because it would conflict with her religious beliefs, the world exploded.
A girls golf coach at an Indiana high school tweeted, ‘Who’s going to Walkerton, IN to burn down #memoriespizza w me?’ The pizzeria outside South Bend received death threats and harassment and felt forced to shut down the shop. It’s Yelp page was vandalized with obscene and homo-erotic pictures. The owners have said they don’t know if it will be safe to re-open.
How many gay people had asked to have their wedding catered by this small-town pizza joint? None. What number of gay people had been denied a slice by O’Connor? Zero. In fact, the owners told the reporter that they would never refuse to serve a gay customer who came to the restaurant to eat. The wrath of gay rights supporters rained down on Memories Pizza because O’Connor committed a thought crime. She discriminated against nobody, but thinks the ‘wrong’ thing about same-sex marriage and she said it out loud…
What happened in Indiana is reminiscent of the bullying that led to the ouster of Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich exactly this time last year. Eich was harangued for a six-year-old donation supporting an anti-gay marriage ballot initiative, but ultimately purged for refusing to recant his beliefs about marriage…”
In her book, Powers questions how much truth and free speech actually matter — wondering if ideology now trumps all.
I realize this example is a sensitive, emotionally-charged issue. I realize it’s also an area in which persons across the ideological map need to learn to converse better. It is an area, no less, in which some have never learned to listen — and even more justify not listening… which means being intentional, not reacting defensively, and respectfully interacting with another, still allowing for disagreement.
Respectfully…
AR
Wonderfully written piece! Listening is so important and it does feel like more and more often we are silenced if our thoughts don’t conform. We are no longer allowed to have our own beliefs because our own thoughts may go against the popular ideologies.
I think it’s important to note that it is okay to disagree and to have different ideologies – this is what makes America great! – but it is also important to respect one another and one another’s beliefs…and you can do that without being in total agreement.
Thank you, for this!