how I’ve changed

As many are aware, my beautiful sister passed away a little more than seven weeks ago. After a year plus battle with (that stupid) cancer, Nicole physically succumbed to the illness at the precious age of 34.

Allow me to share three, relevant truths:

1. It’s been hard.
2. We each handle grief differently, and that’s ok. And…
3. This has changed me.

While public blogging cannot fully substitute for the wisdom found in personal journaling (a message Millennials with active “Tumblr” accounts might want to note prior to any job application), there’s an aspect of the truths above that significantly affects the Intramuralist. It has to do with the “changing me” part. For example…

I have less patience with injustice… Because my family has just walked through an experience that magnified both the reality and mortality of the human life, I’m currently less willing to put up with injustice or transgression. Please don’t confuse “injustice” with “social justice.” Far too many social advocates claim the rights of one are being wronged while simultaneously defending the right to verbally trounce on another. That doesn’t appeal to me. I simply have less patience with obvious wrongdoing, as we often unfortunately witness in current events. Note that this awareness includes wrongdoing/wrongful thinking found within myself.

I feel less judgmental… While less tolerant of wrongdoing, there’s also less of me involved in the acknowledgement of the error; it’s very humbling. For example, one could conclude that the Intramuralist has been a little hard on Tiger Woods in recent years. I have not hesitated in stating that his rampant infidelity was wrong. However, I would also be quick to tell you that Tiger is no better nor worse than me; we each have our struggles. (Granted, my golf game struggles far more…)

I have a greater grasp of both the need — and misuse — of compromise… None of us — not any politician or parent — should always “have their way.” There are times we need to meet in the middle — with our constituents and our kids. Wisdom does not allow for the notion that our position makes us right and that we no longer need to weigh the wants of another — even if the other’s position seems lesser in status or responsibility. Granted, there are times where compromise simply doesn’t work; you can’t be a “little bit pregnant” or other oxymoronic mediums. Hence, there are times to compromise and times to not; the key is the discernment in knowing the difference.

I feel more grounded faithfully… There’s nothing like death that soberly confronts what we actually believe. “Dancing through life” is not an eternal, viable option because someday, the dance will end. But unlike those who advocate for a smorgasbord of beliefs being equally good and true, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Sorry, but the idea of being carried to a “landing station” on Venus when I die or that only 144,000 people go to heaven are not concepts full of either hope or logic. Hence, sincerely speaking with all due respect, not all ideas are equally good and true.

I am more transparent… Perhaps the most significant change I sense thus far is that while I’ve always believed in transparency, there is a renewed sense of genuineness within me. There is no topic I’d be unwilling to discuss. There is no issue, therefore, that the Intramuralist will totally avoid. Whether it’s the ugliness of polarized partisanship, the “contrived-ness” of political campaigns, the moral digression of society, or — as my sweet sister wisely encouraged — a focus on the positive — on the things that give us hope — we will continue to be transparent on the Intramuralist.

These past few weeks have been hard. They’ve changed me. My desire is to honor my sister in how I live. I see that happening already.

Back to my journal… for now…

Respectfully… AR